Is There Something Wrong With Him Sexually?

Question

I am 31 and my husband is 28. We are the reverse of the typical male/female sex stereotype. I am in the mood almost all the time, and he is hardly ever in the mood. I have always been this way. This isn't a sexual peak.

My extremely high sex drive combined with his low one causes great frustration for me. Most days I want sex while he is fine with having it only once or twice a week. There have even been a couple of times where we didn't have sex for 3 weeks!

Although I try very hard to be patient and understanding of the differences in our needs I still find myself sexually frustrated, which then sometimes leads to anger and resentment because I feel that my needs are not being met. I know that he possibly can't help being tired. I know that our 6 month old and teenage daughters are causes of stress and less alone time. My mother also stays with us at least twice a week while her husband works nights, because she watches the baby while we work.

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He works as a parts manager so the majority of his work is dealing with customers, tracking parts, and "paperwork" done on the computer. He is ususally stressed with this because he is expected to wear many hats, and they haven't gotten their computer systems working like they should yet, so everyone goes to him with their comp problems.

I guess I just don't understand why doesn't have a higher level of arousal. He is more like the stereotypical a 50 - 60 year old man than a 28 year old one. His opinion is if I want the sex then i need to initiate it and turn him on so that he is in the mood for it. If he thinks I am beautiful and attractive (he says) then shouldn't he feel aroused often?

I am wondering if it isn't something medical like low testosterone, stress, a health problem? As far as I know he doesn't usually wake up at attention, either, although no problems maintaining at attention during sex itself.

We bought toys together a few months ago. They help me to relieve some of the tension, but it just isn't the same. I prefer the real deal. He is always either at home, or at work..so him having an affair is not likely. I have even gone as far as playing out some of his fantasies, like fishnet stockings, the school girl outfit, etc.

Let me clarify..my teenage daughter is from a previous marriage. My husband and I have a 6 month old together. We have just celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

And as far as the relationship goes it is generally great. We are a great match and love each other very much. In his own words on my anniversary card, "I see us going strong for another 70 years."

And to anyone who might think maybe he is having an affiar at work, he works at his dad's company. His dad is there most of the time, and there are only two other girls there. One he calls the walking skeleton, and another who is a salesman's niece and only like 16 or 17, who he says is ugly and has no interest in. He does avoid talking to them as much as possible when he does have to be around them, which isn't all that often.

Annie..I have done all that. He doesn't like massage oils because he doesn't like being sticky.

as for the toys he gets them out occasionally, and has used them on me, but for the most part prefers not to use them. Then when I am honest about having used them myself to help my needs he seems a little upset that I did. I just don't get it.

Jack...already tried. He lays back and enjoys it to the end. All I get is a big smile and a "Thank you, honey. That was great." So if I do that very seldom do I see any action at all. He only goes once, and then anything else forget it.

Answer 1

a lot of times it is stress...stress can have a great impact on a male libido...so you might have to initiate and be patient and kind of warm him up a bit...he is going to need more time to get going since the stress is so in the front of his mind...it is nothing against you or anything else but it is probably just stress

Answer 2

Go to a sex store and buy yourself a good toy or dildo. As long as the sex is good between you 2 and everything else is good - pleasure yourself when your hubby isn't in the mood. If you have time to attempt to have sex with him then you have time to play alone and fill your wants and needs also. Do you ever watch porn together or try using toys together?? Maybe he just needs a little more arousal than you?? I know if I need to just get off and hubby isn't in the mood I can do fine all alone!!

Answer 3

I'm so glad someone asked this question. My 31 year old fiance is the same way. I'm 24 and I would be happy having sex twice a week or more but he only wants it about twice a month. I don't understand what's wrong with my fiance..he had a checkup and they said he was fine though he didn't mention a low libido. We've discussed it and he says that he just doesn't have the libido that he used to. I don' t know what we're going to do when I hit my sexual peak! I wish someone had some real answers!

Answer 4

Try initiating more. I know that if I had a woman with a high sex drive I would be doing my best to take care of her. I have a high sex drive myself. Sometimes my wife gives off mixed messages. She is only in the mood about 4-5 days a month. But I have to guess or read her mind to know exactly when. This means I get rejected a lot. So I can relate to your situation. I guarantee if you grab his p**** or start oral, he will respond. If he does not, then he is gay and hiding it. Good luck.

Answer 5

Wow, you could almost qualify to be a man if it weren't for the interior plumbing! I'm just like you and feel the same way. Life has weaseled its way between us and we have grown apart. Like you, I explained what I needed and how badly, but it fell on deaf ears. I believe people change. I also think you can fall out of love as easily as you fall into it. When a couple lets things come betweeen them, they seem to drift apart. I believe good partners and lovers would put each other first above all else, job, money and yes even kids. So now you're where I'm at, unhappy, horny and stuck when the rest of your life's probably pretty good. You have to decide what to do to become happy again. I haven't figured it out yet. Good luck to you. BTW, I just turned 51 and haven't met anyone that can keep up with me sexually.... yet. :)

Answer 6

Your letting sex dictate your marriage? Although sex is a wonderful thing there is a hell of a lot more to life then sex. You got to much going on in that house.......I wouldn't have sex in a house full of people either.....with Mom around that's just to friggen weird......your to immature to expect this guy to have sex with you at YOUR beckoned call. I'd be working triple over time, rather then putting up with your constant nagging about sex with a house full of people. Understand that at 28 with 3 kids 2 of which are probably not his and YOUR MOTHER is probably not his idea of arousal time. If your that self centered about sex then you need to take care of your needs by yourself until he can feel comfortable enough to have good relaxed sex with you...and let him watch you if that don't spark his interest then dump him cuz he's probably gay.

Answer 7

Right:
Leave the kids with mum. Go for a weekend away in the country and stay in an anonymous hotel. Have a romantic dinner and drinks.... and talk.
Either he will remember what he found attractive in you in the first place and the rest will come naturally.... or it won't.
That will be your answer as to whether it's still really there beyond the stress of your life. If it's not.. it's not there for him- break now.
If it is; work with it.

Answer 8

You've listed exactly why he's not in the humour..tired and stressed!..I work late on a Friday and its the 1 day my boyfriend know's not to even try anything!..if your husband is like that every day then its no surprise he's not in the humour..on days he has off and he's not tired, be romantic..do things u would of done when you started to go out..flirt,touch each other up..my boyfriend says that when we're watching telly I mess with his hair (I dont even notice I'm doing it) but he says it really relaxs him and gets him in the mood..buy massage oils..and plenty of teasing!..go to bed wearing nice underwear but act normal and pretend your getting ready to go asleep..tease him for days until he's dying for you!..in the meantime u could just sort yourself out..!!!..goodluck!

Answer 9

I think its a combination of stress from work, being a new father ( and seeing you as the mom) and maybe not enough sleep and exercise.
So, work on the exercise part. It always helps to make the body and mind feel rejuvenated.

Answer 10

Wow, I know how you feel, maybe it comes with the age. My husband is 28 and I'm 23 and we have the same problem. I thought that there is something wrong with me. Babes, it comes with their age.