Another question to help me get some perspective... my boyfriend of 19 months doesn't do some things that I would want him to. for example, he doesnt rub my back when i need it, or get me flowers or take me out, etc. I've told him that its not about feeling lavished, but just knowing that he's thinking about me and putting effort into showing me that he cares. There are other things about him that are great...its not that hes just a bad guy. So my question is this: is he just a guy like any other guy, who doesnt feel the same romantic things like a girl does? or does he just not get it, so I should find somene who does? I dont want to marry a girl in guys clothing (ie..a man who acts like a girl), but is that what I'm asking if I want a guy to be sweet to my like that? I'm not sure the best way to get across my question, just...is this a normal girl/guy difference thing that is just part of being opposite sexes? or is this something I should worry about?
2006-10-24 09:49:26 · 12 answers · asked by now but not quite yet 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Its been my experience that, thats a guy thing and that we as women need to tell them each and everytime we want something because they don't think about it. My husband of 30 years bought me bubblebath for my birthday once and I know that he bought it because that was the first thing he saw when he entered the store because it was right in front of the door. Now I know that its the thought that counts but he didnt put much thought in it because at the time we only had a shower. Its a guy thing.
2006-10-24 10:04:07 · answer #1 · answered by sweetkooky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're not saying what does he DO that makes you feel special. Different people have different "languages" in how they communicate their emotions. Some people are "touchy-feely", they like hugs, kissing, being physical, etc. Others can be thought of "gift-getters", they like to get things for their loved ones. Yet others keep to themselves, but they offer their support in a more subtle way. My husband always does little things that could seem mundane to some, but I see it as an expression of his thoughfulness; he may not get me flowers or rub my back, but he does things around the house that tell me that he cares about us and our happiness; he likes to spend time with me; we talk a lot; he makes Hamburger Helper if I'm too tired to cook... I don't know, I just "feel" that he cares, I don't need flowers to reassure me; it just feels right all the way.
Flowers will not get you happiness; do you feel that he cares for you, or not? The fact that he doesn't take the time to do what's important to you (i.e., flowers) may point to the fact that he might not care much, or it may just be the difference in your thought processes: you're waiting for flowers all the while he's expressing his care in other (more subtle) ways. Only you can ultimately get the feeling of whether he truly "cares" for you and the relationship.
2006-10-24 17:08:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some guys are just like that. He feels that he doesnt have to buy you flowers and spoil you with gifts and material things to show that he loves you. He has his own way of showing you. You have been together pretty long and you should know by now in your heart weather he really loves you or not. Maybe he feels just by him telling you that he loves you is good enough.
2006-10-24 16:55:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's just a guy - most guys these days need lessons on how to be with a woman in a marriage.
Those lessons would say:
Be a man and stay true to yourself, be confident and uncompromising
...and...
Do lots and lots of little sweet things for your wife that tell her that you love her.
Listen to her without judgement.
Don't solve her problems.
Tell her how you feel but on your terms.
Stuff like that - he just needs a couple of good smacks and he'll be fine.
FP
2006-10-24 16:53:23 · answer #4 · answered by F. Perdurabo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not to worry, it sounds as though you've trained him to do simple things like fetching a stick and supporting you, the romantic stuff only lasts about as long as looks, unless you were looking to dig deeper when you get past that (sooner than you think!).
2006-10-24 16:54:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u think he loves you and if he shows you affectoins the give him a chance. If he doesnt, then listen to the song
"my love don't cost a thing" By J.Lo then u'll know. Or it all dependz on the way you feel about him
2006-10-24 16:53:43 · answer #6 · answered by SuWizzle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"he's not a bad guy" is that like the cup is half empty? because i want a good guy...not a "not a bad guy" type of person. in fact i want a wonderful man. and guys do do this stuff without being girly. my husband does. ( i was surprised too!) yes, men can worship the ground you walk on. and they do this all the time when they love you. mine does, he won't admit it, but he does. and i worship the ground he walks on.
2006-10-24 16:54:54 · answer #7 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not described the sweet things you do for him.
I think you should start there. There is a great book called
"getting the love you want" and it WORKS! get the book and read it.
you can transform this relationship starting with you and what you do.
2006-10-24 16:52:27 · answer #8 · answered by Sufi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Romance is a learned behavior.
Since you said "boyfriend of 19 months" and "guy" I assume you are young 20's.
When it comes to romance men are like fine wines and "guys" are grapes. In time he will learn what romance is and pleasure it can bring.
2006-10-24 17:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old you are, but you seem real young.....here's a clue....MEN AND WOMEN HAVE NEVER, AND WILL NEVER THINK ALIKE!!!! Guys only do that romantic stuff because they think that is what WE like...they DON'T!!!!
2006-10-24 17:04:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋