can anyone give me advice on how to cope with separation and divorce?

Question

i know the usual ways like getting out, meeting people, staying active, etc but is there anything else? its pretty tough.... :-(

Answer 1

check with your local church they may have support groups for people getting divorced or that are going through a separation

Answer 2

You bet it's tough, and yes, stay busy, and yes the pain does abate in about two years, and that's fine. But it is way easier to get a nice lady in your life, who has or is going thru what you are. And, how do you find someone else to love?? because let's face it, we evolved to be with someone of the opposite sex, to love, and be loved, hey, it's just natural. And I don't mean just to screw someone, I mean really, sincere love, trust, admiration, respect too. Sooooo, here's what you do: If you don't have a killer smile, see the best cosmetic dentist in your area -- yup,gotta have the killer smile, and yup, it will cost you some buckos. Loose some weight if needed, get your hair done by a pro, and buy some great clothes at an upscale place, like Nordies, or Dillards (Those are in the West, Arizona, California. If you live elsewhere, go to their top places.) Lot of women like to see a nice watch on a guy, so skip Walmart for that, and skip it as well for your clothes. That watch doesn't have to cost $3000, but a $29.95 job is worse than none.) Have some great photos taken, and put up a personal on Yahoo, Match.com or both. Each costs about $20.00/month. Read what other guys say about themselves, and be honest about yourself, and what you are looking for. And be brave. You won't find that lady on the first try, but she is there. This is THE way to meet people in our busy world. You don't have to make the relationship fit -- You can tailor make many of the things you want in a relationship -- similar education, politics, religion, etc....

Answer 3

Hi Bruce, yes, I've been there. It is very tough at first. The above suggestion to find support groups at a church will really help you. There will be others going through the same hurt and pain that you are. In time, when you meet other people and have friends, it will become easier for you.

Divorce is not a good thing if the marriage can be worked out it should be. If not, I can tell you that you will be ok in time..

Answer 4

It's similar to a death...and a grieving process will follow. You have to realize that it's going to be tough...especially at first. Next, you have to focus on yourself and figure out what you actually like to do (you're a different person now that you're no longer part of a couple). I suggest you read as much as you can...books on divorce, griefing, etc., in order to arm yourself with information. And...this will be hard....but you must force yourself to see the 'upside' and realize what an opportunity--you're going to be flying solo, you're going to have complete freedom to do as you will, and you will get to meet so many new & interesting people. Are you prepared---jazz up the wardrobe, get your hair cut, rearrange furniture, pack away all old memorabilia--even if you have to force yourself. Your new life starts today--good luck. It's not all bad. If you & your ex were happy, you wouldn't be going through a divorce. You might actually like being on your own--once you get use to it I'd be willing to bet that you will. And don't try to be a 'big tough cowboy''--it's okay to let close friends and family members know when the going gets rough. They may even be able to know this anyway....and you'll realize they do when you get that unexpected dinner invite at their house just when you needed it most.

Answer 5

I don't know the reasons for your separation/divorce or who filed but just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and you aren't alone. I must be one of the happiest women to have gotten separated and divorced because I have to tell you the day I heard divorce granted was ONE of the best days of my life. I was still very much in love when we separated but I knew that I was better off and I ran with that statement. I have no regrets. I truly hope you find that light at the end of the tunnel.

Answer 6

A lot of good answers to your question. You need to find someone who you can talk to. Personally the prescribed drugs doesn't seem the way to go. Seems to me like a bandaid. You get off them and if you haven't dealt with the pain of seperation, you are back at square one. Go thru the pain and you will get there. Just try many things, pour yourself into work, friends, your church (especially a good thing). I am not so sure about dating so soon either since usually it is a rebound and then if it turns out bad you are once again in pain. You will get thru this.

Answer 7

Seek God...He is standing there ready to take the burden from your heart and your shoulders if you will give it to Him. Divorces are very hard to get over especially when you have loved the person for so much of your life.Thank her for teaching you more about yourself, what you want and need from someone, and what you will not accept from anyone. She also showed you how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone, take pride in yourself for that. Now it's time to move on, build yourself up with accomplishments. This divorce doesn't have to define you, Do things that you like that are good for you, and meet people with similar interests along the way. God doesn't give us anything he himself couldn't handle, just remember it's all part of God's plan and he has something better planned for you than your previous marriage. Maybe he just needed to teach you something about yourself and getting married and divorced was the only way.

Answer 8

Dude you are in an awesome spot. Just chill for a while and get your head back on. Use this time to figure out what is important to you. Create a new you(personality, dress code, etc) based on weaknesses in your failed relationship and then emerge from your cocoon much better and get the most awesome woman that you've ever had in your entire life. When you find her, you will be so over your wife that you'll wonder how you wasted so much time on her.

Answer 9

i think it's such a personal journey that you may want to take a little piece of everyone advice and try it on....different things help different people ya know. it really is tough....i went threw a separation about four years ago and it was traumatizing. but once i moved past the pain and the anger and tears (let yourself feel that stuff don't push it down) i woke up one day with a little hope and feeling somewhat excited for a new chance at life on my own. new adventures you know. then in five minutes i was crying. but the next day i felt that excitement again...and built on it. once i started redecorating the house (MY WAY) and come and go as i pleased. hanging with friends with no worry...dancing was fun again...wine tasted sweet...ya know it all started coming together. that's the point when my ex went crazy with regret and begged me back...not saying that will happen for you or if you want it to but life does go on...the sun does rise again...you will get threw it one way or another. when one door closes another opens....good luck....

Answer 10

Hi. First, cute name ; )

Second, I'm really sorry that you're going through this. That doesn't help much, I know.

My suggestion - get a night job (or second job) somewhere you can get discounts on stuff you like (like Best Buy or Circuit City). It's extra cash, it gets you out of the house, you'll have fun, and meet lots of new people. It helped me when I went through a bad breakup.

I also got engrossed in video games - I played The Sims for weeks on end non-stop (after work), it takes your mind off things.

Answer 11

Divorce is hard and even harder if u were deeply in love with person. u need to talk to someone that can guide u in the right path, and for god sake do not get in another relationship right away. go to church that help me a lot talk to the pastor ur class leader only if u can trust them.if u never had a hobby get one do things u never done before good things new things with ur friends things u like not what u and her did . hope i have help u.