How can I figure out exactly what I did?

Question

My husband and I went out of town this weekend. I had a great time but he says it was a wasted and boring trip just like he expected. We went to a concert. It was great. When we left I noticed he was being distant. We went back to our hotel room and he was just moping around not speaking. I asked him what is wrong and he made this ugly face and said, "I hate when you ask me that" So I left it alone. He was flipping through the channels I was chilled so I got this blanket from the cabinet and was sitting on the couch. A little bit later he said sarcasticly what is wrong? I just sat there. At 11:30 I went to bed. Sometime he woke me up by pulling the covers off me and trying to take off my pants. It scared me as I was deep in sleep. He proceeded and then he just stopped. Later he finished. The next day he was rude and it went downhill from there. He said it was a wasted trip and he is sick of being bored with me. what did I do? He is being so mean to me. What did I do? How am I boring?

Yes he stares at other women all the time. I understand men look but my gosh not one female can go by he doesnt notice. He never pays me that much attention. I know I sound exactly like he says, a jealous *****.

I dont think he has cheated on me not that he wont. I am not stupid. I know there is one that he lies about talking to but as far as I know he hasnt talked to her in a while. He is always with us unless he is at work. I am sure he has cheated in his mind. I know he wants to hurt me. My question is how can I have fun and him not and what did I do to make him not have fun. Isnt it up to yourself to make yourself have fun?

No this trip was to the concert we both wanted to go to. He was going to take our son first and I wasnt able to go because he didnt get enough tickets. But I got to go afterall. He is one that thinks marriage is supposed to be perfect with no work. All marriages take work. he cant speak to me without insulting me. I asked what did I do? his response was, "your tiny little brain cant comprehend it and if you dont know I am not wasting my time cause you wont ever get it. After 15 years you are still the same, boring, stupid, etc etc

He is the one that said I am the reason he was bored. I asked him how and he wont tell me anything because I am too stupid to understand. He said I should know what I did. He said I was acting messed up before the concert. I have no idea how. We went saw some of the band and then went got dressed and came back to the concert and waited to go in. Went in and he wasnt talking and neither was I. i was just looking around at the place and the people coming in. Then the first band came out. After that I was full of life. We talked to the people behind us some. One thing he said was you dont talk at all and when you do you know everything about everyone. I am really hurt and struggling inside to know what I did and wondering what he will do to get back at me.

This concert was something he has waited for weeks to come. He totally loves evanescence as do I. He wanted to be the new bass player for them but they have someone. I was conversing with him at the concert we were both up yelling etc. I am not going to be just open to someone that wants to have sex and has just thinks pulling your pants down is gonna make you so hot you jump his bones. Some additional details, I sleep alone at home, he sleeps with our son. He wants to have him near and I cant sleep with the two of them. I have asked and pleaded with him to correct this but he says he is sick of hearing about it so I sleep on the couch or in our son's room. I am tired of having sex wherever we can find a spot and the time. HE doesnt make our son go to bed at a decent hour so we have no alone time period. I feel used. I dont know how to fix the problem.

Answer 1

this guy sounds like a waste of skin, an air thief, as a frind of mine likes to say. we obviously don't know the whole story, but there is no excuse out there good enough for one person to treat another like that, let alone your own wife. you should feel like the most spactacular person in the room with him beside you.
the problem is with him. there is nothing that you could do to cause a decent person to treat you like that. you have no power over him, but you are giving him a load of your own power by taking some of if not a lot of the blame for his bad behavior. i can't tell you what to do. you are married and have a commitment to eachother. it sounds like there might be kids involved also. you don't want your kids growing up with that as an example of manhood so you need to encourage your kids and love them and love their father, whether you decide to leave him or not. maybe not love, but respect. he is their father and a roll modle to them, however bad.
most marriages are worth saving, but you should not condem yourself to living like this for the rest of your life. you might consider counceling. try to get him to go also, but don't deny yourself healing if he decides not to go.
above all, don't blame yourself. i know all about that, 'if it's my fault, i can do something about it.' but you can't because you cannot change his behavior. he is the way he is and only need or revolation will prompt any change.


(sorry about all the sp's the checker isn't loading)

Answer 2

Hey hun..firstly look at your opening question "how can i figure out exactly what i did?"..who said you did anything?!!!..why presume that u did?..who's to say he's the one that did something?..I mean if he "knew" it was going to be a boring weekend why couldnt he think of something better to do?..Sounds like he's the one that's boring..or perhaps a spoilt child who never grew up???..Anyways put yourself first hun, you only have 1 person u can truely rely on in this life and thats urself, so be ur own best friend and give urself some advice..I'm sure u know deep down u didnt do anything..your not the one with the problem he is...

Answer 3

Well, if I were to guess.

I say your husband feels that you are distant. You have a good time and don't TRY to include him. He wants to have a good time WITH you, but you are too busy having fun to notice him.

Now if he is feeling distant from you he my try to have sex which to many men signifies a connection (its not true but that's how they feel). You didn't openly accept him when he tried to have sex so he saw this as another rejection. It doesn't matter if he finished later the spur of the moment was ruined. He feels rejected by you emotionally and sexually.

He wants to FEEL like your lover. You know back when you first meet and only had eyes for each other. He's thinking that that part of his life is gone and therefore he is less of a man.

Sounds like a depression or mid-life crisis.

Answer 4

Soulful is sooooo right. My ex did this crap to me.

No matter what I did, he was angry with me. I lost my mom, my job and needed him, he was busy and "had to work". If I went out of my way to do something nice for him, he picked a fight so we wouldn't go. This went on for 4 months until I found a message on his cell from a "co-worker" that said "you are in my thoughts xo". He had saved it for 4 months and it was sent on the day my mom died and he had (angrily) come to the hospital to "support" me.

He's getting ready to dump you babe. Check his cell records, hire a private eye, whatever it takes but get prepared, it is probably coming.

I'm sorry.

Answer 5

It's not you, it's him. Something is on his mind. He said the trip was a waste of time just like he expected. Well obviously if he went into it with that attitude how could he enjoy it. If you don't invest in something, you get nothing out of it. Something is going on with him, get to the bottom of it.

Answer 6

It means that he felt like you pressured him into going on a trip in which he was not interested. Obviously, this concert was something you wanted to do, not him. In the future, make your plans around things that BOTH of you find interesting.

Answer 7

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Answer 8

This is called "crazymaking"...Your husband is doing this to p1ss you off so much that you will divorce him - thus he can blame it all on you....its true... I did this to my first wife after I met another woman.

Answer 9

Well my dear, when a man starts acting like that, get ready for the hammer to fall.

Maybe you should crack his nose with it, before you leave him.

Answer 10

Read my Lips! HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN somewhere..... It's unfortunate - and sad - but leave and get your life together.