For the past 2 years my husband and I have been getting further and further apart. I must say I am the loneliest married woman I know! He is a lot older and I really think he just likes having a younger wife. I do not love him anymore but we do have a little girl who adores us both. I do not want my youth to pass me by, so I want to leave now. Why is it so hard for me to take that step? I have asked him to change many times and the only time he did was last year when he thought I was having an affair (I was NOT). What should I do? HELP!
2006-10-24 09:23:20 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi there, I know how you feel, I have been married for almost 3 years and I have a daughter of three. I don;t have an answer for you, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
2006-10-24 10:06:39 · answer #1 · answered by Corli 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seek marital counseling. You knew he was older than you when you married him - and the ramifications that went with that decision. Leaving without even attempting to work things out (asking him to change does not qualify as attempting - it's a two way street. Compromise) is selfish.
Just because you are bored now means that you are prepared to put your daughter on an emotional rollercoaster for the remainder of her childhood? Try getting involved in things your husband likes to do - he will most likely reciprocate. Love is a decision - people don't just grow apart. If it has happened it's because it was allowed to happen - neither of you were willing to put any work into it.
Try communicating your wants and needs to him and find a compromise that works for both of you. That does not mean giving orders, ultimatums, tears or yelling. Carefully consider and write down what you are looking for out of your relationship. Ask him to do the same. And then calmly discuss what you have both written.
2006-10-24 19:47:47 · answer #2 · answered by greyrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people might tell you to stay together for the sake of your child, but I don't think thats right. if you're not happy then don't go through your life like that. You deserve to be happy. Divorce can be nasty but hopefully you two are willing to work things out for the sake of your daughter. I was where you were 1.5 years ago and I left my wife cause I was so miserable. It was difficult because we did not agree on a thing, but now I feel 100% better about life. Do what you think will make you happy.
2006-10-24 16:36:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard for you to take the first step because everyone is afraid of change. Change brings the unknown. The age difference isn't the issue, it's your relationship with each other. If he thought you were having an affair, he doesn't trust you. If you've done nothing wrong, maybe he doesn't trust himself. My ex cheated on me and told everyone I was cheating on him. He had to turn the attention to me, so no one would think he was unfaithful. Ask yourself, "have I done everything I know to do to save this marriage?" If the answer is "yes", then, what more can you do?
2006-10-24 16:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by Kelly T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good marriage is an intimate and loving relationship which gives both partners security, friendship, companionship, support, comfort, and deep love that penetrates every aspect of life. None of this can be achieved without work and sacrifice.
Marriage may be compared to a plant that requires daily nurture, daily attention, daily care and cultivation. It will not develop of its own accord; only as effort and will are exerted will it grow and mature. For a marriage to succeed, both husband and wife must be committed to its success. They must build an enduring love relationship that is centered in the heart of their consciousness. Their relationship must be nurtured with the water of loyalty and love.
2006-10-24 17:02:46 · answer #5 · answered by Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to leave because you don't want to, You want him to shape up and show you some affecetion, some attention, hell acknowledge that you are there. It's no excuse for a man to distance his self from his wife. I know many times in a marriage, you will get lonely, that's perfectly normal. Talk it out. Talk til you can't talk anymore. Do your part, give your 110% so you will know, when the time is up, you did all you could do. Love him and show him what you want, I can almost gurantee you will get that in return.
2006-10-24 16:40:38 · answer #6 · answered by sassy lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should stay in an unhappy relationship, even if there is a child involved. You say you do not love him, I think you answered your own quesiton, I would never continue a relationship without love. What is that showing your daughter? That it is ok to be a mommy and daddy and live together bjt no love? Maybe you guys just grew apart, it happens, it's no one's fault. Like you said, you are young and have many years ahead of yourself to possibly meet someone that you will love and will love you back. Your first priority should be you and your daughter's happiness. I can't imagine a home without love...... Leave him
2006-10-24 16:39:56 · answer #7 · answered by bonbon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So stop being lonely! Go out with friends and have fun -- do the things you like to do. Join a club, do volunteer work, take up a hobby and get active with people. Make yourself happier and you will be happier with your relationship.
I would also recommend leaving occasional "signs" that you are having an affair because that seemed to work to get his attention. Buy some new, sexy panties, put them on while he can see you, but then keep getting dressed. If he asks what they're for, wink and tell him, "I just liked them, so I bought them. See you around 11, bye!" Get creative with other fake signs and have fun with it. Some men WANT to have to pursue their women!
2006-10-24 16:35:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you loved him once then try and love him again by talking to him about what is driving you further and further apart. You say he is older so if you married him for security instead of love then it is time to prove to yourself that you can make it on your own. Only you can decide what is right for you. I hope the answer comes to you soon so that you can find peace in your life. Good luck! :o)
2006-10-24 16:35:56 · answer #9 · answered by applecheeks 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you leave, you need to give it a good look. What are you contributing to the loneliness? We don't want to see ourselves in a negative light.
I'm talking from experience. I'm working on my marriage, and it's actually starting to get better. My husband is 10 years older.
How much older is your husband? See if you can get him to share some time with you. Do things together.
2006-10-24 16:33:22 · answer #10 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do only have one life to live.Been there,too.It'sfear of the unknown that makes it so hard to let go.What you do know is that procrastination prolongs the inevitable and wastes valuable time.You say your daughter adores you both,surely your'e right.But she will not adore the fact that when she is old enough to realize that you gave her a empty marraige for an example.Either work back into love to set a proper example or let it go.A child is not a reason to stay together.Best of Luck
2006-10-24 16:30:58 · answer #11 · answered by maykithapin 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋