I feel really pressurised from my parents over my education...???

Question

They have high expectations of me, but i've recently been late with A-level homework and i did bad in a test. I feel stressed and almost suicidal. They're making feel like a failure. I'm a young man and i want to let my hair down with a bit of work in between but all they want do is ram the work down my throat. What do i do?

Answer 1

Now would be a good time to talk to them properly about this. You say they want you to work all the time - clearly that is not healthy.
You say you want to let your hair down with a bit of work in between - well that's a good way to fail your A levels, you cannot pass them unless you do some serious studying.
Time to learn about compromise. You ARE going to have to do a considerable amount of study but you do need a break too. If you are struggling with subjects and turning in homework late then speak to your course tutors and try to get some help with the subject you find difficult. Once it makes more sense it will be easier to do the homework on time and get better test results.
If you are genuinely feeling suicidal then speak to your doctor because there are very effective treatment options.
A fair compromise would be to work hard during the week and spend your weekends doing what you want to do, maybe that seems like you are not getting enough time to yourself but if you were not at school you would be at work, and that is how working life is.
Good luck.

Answer 2

From experience I will tell you this: Your health comes first always, always, always. If you are totally stressed and almost suicidal then go talk to a counsellor or doctor please. It will get worse and you will have more trouble in school if you do nothing.

As for parental expectations you should think about what YOU want to do. I cannot stress this enough. One key thing you need to do in your 20s is figure out who you are. Try different things. Go places. As long as you're doing something the time is not wasted. That said, a degree should be a goal in your 20s. There are a lot of other things you can only do in your 20s. There's plenty of time for work and really, honestly, nobody takes you seriously before 30 years of age anyway.

A-levels are important for your future, but don't overdue it. There are a lot of people who didn't ace their A-levels and still live OK. Take breaks and time out for recreation. Excercise helps relieve stress.

Answer 3

Take time for you!
I don't know how you learn best but in my experience two hours of studying on each subject is enough. There comes a point when you just stop digesting the information.
Put together a study timetable. Have a couple of hours off when you get in mabey, have some dinner, hit the books at 5 or 6 and study till eight. You still have an evening. There's always time at weekends too. 3 or 4 hours on a Saturday or Sunday won't hurt and you'll still have all day for you!
There's no avoiding the work. A levels are difficult and you must study hard to pass them. But stressing will only make matters worse - You'll find it even harder to assimilate the information.
Speak to your teacher or tutor or someone you trust and explain how difficult you are finding things and I promise you they will help.
Above all, try to talk to your parents - They may not realise how unhappy you are.
Be easier on yourself too. You are clearly an intelligent and articulate person. I think you'll do just fine.
Good luck.

Answer 4

Have you talked to your parents about how you are feeling, do you think you could do that? They may not know how much pressure you are under. I'm sure they have your best interests at heart but may not know how you are feeling.

If you can't talk to them, try and talk to a teacher. Most of them understand the pressures that A levels can give young people like yourself. You might be able to negotiate handing in some work a bit later, if they know how you are feeling.

If you are feeling very down and suicidal, try finding out if there is a school / college counsellor you can talk to, this will be a confidential service that may help you to offload a bit.

And remember you can always talk to Childline or the Samaritans.


http://www.childline.org.uk/
http://www.samaritans.org/

Answer 5

I had the same experience, my parents were both high achievers and I was always pushed academically, I failed my exams and was not interested. I went on a secretarial course and now work for a firm of Solicitors. I have now gone back to uni part time (two nights a week) I really love doing it but wish that I had done it earlier. I think my time out of it and it being my choice to go back to education has made all the difference I really enjoy learning something which I could not have done before.
I think it did me good having time out and then going back but it is a hard slog working 35 hours a week and then 6 hours at uni a week and associated homework. Well worth it though.
No one could have told me when I was younger either that I should go to university and go the academic route, having decided myself has made all the difference.

Answer 6

The first thing you do is stop feeling suicidal. Even if you were to fail all your exams it wouldn't be the end of the world. You said it yourself - you are a young man and, with that in mind, I am sure you know what you are capable of and what your aspirations are. Please your parents as best you can - they are only willing you to do what they think is best for you. The fact that you are doing 'A' Levels means that you are not a failure. Talk to your parents, tell them how you feel and how you envisage the future. If you have any kind of 'game plan' I think you will be pleasantly surprised by your parents response. Good luck

Answer 7

You in college or high school? I think that respectfully asking your parents to trust you might help. They know that you have had A work before, you can do it again, you just need some time and maybe some help with this class.
Also, don't be too hard on yourself. I too am used to getting good grades. I recently had to drop out of one class in college into an easier one. Everything is doing fine now, but for the two weeks surounding that hideous test grade(38!) I felt sick and just in a cloud of nastiness. You just have to forgive yourself for some things and resolve to do better and move on.
Also, you can't just do school all the time either, your brain will start fritzing out and not work as well for you. Respectfully chat with your parents, maybe get some help with that class, you'll do alright.
And most importantly, don't kill yourself, K? Things will get better.

Answer 8

It's unfortunate when parents project their hopes on a child to the extent that they forget that child is an individual person. Yes, you love your parents but no, you can't live their lives for them. It sounds as though they wanted to go to university but never had the opportunity and now they are going to do it vicariously through you.
It's time to sit down and have a frank talk with them. Tell them that the stress is jeopardizing your ability to work, to study, to learn and to perform at the levels you are capable of. Explain that if they persist, your only recourse will be to leave school, get a job and try to make it on your own. But that you can not, and will not, continue to exist in a pressure cooker.
That said, tell them you love them, and you understand they want you to be the best you can be, but this is not the way to go about it.
If you can't sit down and talk frankly with them, try to enlist a relative -- an uncle or someone they will respect -- to take your side and back you up.
It's a difficult situation, and it's not going to be easy to solve, but you can do it if you are firm.
Good luck!

Answer 9

If you missed homework and did badly in a test you should work harder. You can let your hair down more when you've done your exams. Alternatively you could change to easy subjects. Your parents want you to do well...how terrible of them! Stressed? Try holding down a job, paying rent etc.

I know this won't be the 'best answer' - truth sucks.

Answer 10

i had the same from my mum and grand-parents, and in the meantime i was being bullied,i got so depressed even my boyfriend was sending me violent texts.
i got a really low mark in my a- level and guess what i manged to get into an art college where I'm studying art history and at the moment I'm on top.

don't let any put you down just be straight with
them say to them 'mum, dad i have a lot of
pressure on me at the moment and I'm
at breaking point'

if you want more advice email me at :
[e-mail]
and tell me your plans for the future and i will be your
guide
good luck
love/hunnigirl
xx xx