If a man has rage do you think it is a good idea to marry him, and just maybe he'll get rid of it. Or should a person give the other a time frame to work on it. Is this something that can be dealt with, or is it considered to be a permanant feature of ones identity?
2006-10-24 08:36:00 · 26 answers · asked by gayle j 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get rid of it? You mean like a broken microwave or something? What kind of rage are you talking about? Let me ask you this....were you ever the target of this "rage". If so...then don't be stupid. Avoid him like the Black Death. If you insist upon staying with a man who cannot control his temper then you can surely bet you'll eventually end up as his personal punching bag. Or...you end the relationship and he goes nuts....comes to your home or job...or waits in the parking lot...steps from the car...blows your wisdom nut clean off your shoulders and then sticks the barrel of the gun in his mouth and pulls the trigger.
Will this happen? Dunno. Can it happen? Well...it has right? So....always think the worst baby. Sometimes trying to analyize situations can take a lot out of you. You may find that this one particulary nasty feature of his may save you considerable aggravation in the future. Find yourself a man who doesn't fly into a fit of rage over anything and everything.
Good luck.
2006-10-24 08:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT DO IT!!! Rage can quickly turn into violence. You think you might know a person and think that you know that they would never hit you. But someone with rage issues is completely unpredictable and totally capable of lashing out violently. If he is under the influence of alchohol, or just so mad that he cannot control himself.......things could escalate very quickly. I would suggest that you don't marry him unless he has extensive anger management counseling. I married someone with rage. He ended up choking me 4 times in his "rage". It didn't start off violent. But one day he snapped. I divorced him. Thank God. Rage is very serious and should be taken seriously. Especially if you plan on having kids, or if you have kids already. You really need to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you'd want to be the father of your children.
2006-10-24 15:49:59 · answer #2 · answered by ♥2323vsb 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does the guy want to work through it or not? Is he doing anything to take care of is rage like counseling or medication? Even if he is, I would give him a couple of years before you even consider getting engaged. You can't just change a person. A person has to want to change. I have a friend that has a husband with anger problems that won't get help and it is hell for her. If you are thinking of a serious relationship, get couples counseling and get a professionals opinion. Personally, the answer to your question would be HECK NO.
2006-10-24 15:45:12 · answer #3 · answered by Ann Ducketts 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone gets angry, but rage is out of control anger and needs to be dealt with on a professional level. I would not recommend marriage with this guy just yet, unless and until he proves he is over rage by agreeing to professional counseling and time without any rage. Good luck and God bless you, honey.....
2006-10-24 15:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by daj11551 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO NO, don't marry someone with rage. It will get worse as time goes on .
He can work on it with counseling and maybe even medication.
With time RAGE grows and esculates.....can you imagine a life like that. You will most likely be hit and beaten and verbally beat up. Can you imagine how horrible it will be to bring a child in to this.
Many of us think marriage makes things better ....it isn't like that.
The negative things just get worse.
Get in contact with some Battered women groups.
2006-10-24 15:45:22 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I had to seperate twice because of her rage. She finally GOT IT and seeked counceling for it. She realized it was a problem, not just for the family, but for herself.
I spend many years tip toeing around her and taking the brunt of her anger. She was just angry about everything and didn't know how to communicate it.
Now I'm desensitized to her anger. Now I could care less if she gets mad. I just tune her out. Now I used to be very concerned and would to anything to make things better. But, over the years I've learned to not care. I was tired of being a victim to her anger problems.
My advice to you is to not make a decision to spend the rest of your life with a man you know has an anger problems. Like all problems, it gets worse before it gets better.
You need to have a serious talk with him and let him know that this behavior is not acceptable and is a deal breaker. Ask him to get into counceling about this. Please don't go into a marriage when you know there are existing problems. They only get worse.
I'm sure you really love him, but that goes away after years of being on the receiving end of anger out burst, and silent treatments.
Good luck and be strong.
2006-10-24 15:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by Jerrid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i did marry someone like that, but when we were dating the rage wasn't directed at me - it was directed towards others & when i questioned him about it he told me that those people "got him going" - that was his explanation. then when we got married, eventually the rage was directed towards me & he told me one day that i was the one that "got him going". so you see, someone with rage problems will always blame someone else for their outbursts & being on the receiving end of the outbursts is not fun, especially if you have children with the man cause the kids are innocent victims & it will take years of counseling to make them realize, "it's your father who has a problem, not you". Bottom line - do not marry the man, with the exception if he is willing to seek therapy and maybe take meds to control his rage - without his agreement to those 2 stipulations i would get out immediatley.
2006-10-24 15:58:36 · answer #7 · answered by livetall1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With a great deal of counseling and years of therapy and medication it can be controlled. You cannot set a time frame, because until he can find what causes the rage he will not be able to overcome it. With proper treatment it can be controlled. This takes time, so unless you're willing to wait, you would be better to move on.
2006-10-24 15:43:15 · answer #8 · answered by mikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend has rage problems. He is not a monster or rapist, but he needs help. I'm sure that you want to help your fiance. I know that you love him which is why you are considering marrying him. Together, you can win, but be ready for a long, long fight.
If you were my sister I would advise against it only because of what it will cost you in pain. But maybe he's worth it.
2006-10-24 15:58:32 · answer #9 · answered by Big Marc 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run, don't walk to the nearest exit. Your life is in danger unless you get away from somebody like that. He should seek counseling and if you are going to be involved you should be there for the procedings. Unless he finds out why and does something about it he may wind up in prison or a psychiatric hospital. A medical checkup should be a first step as he may have a chemical imbalance. Tread lightly and have somebody around for your protection when you speak with him.
2006-10-24 16:50:36 · answer #10 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋