Opposite from you at the table we share,
A thing no one can break.
Unreal love that wraps around,
The real love broken years ago.
This is the same table we've sat at,
Since the real love was made.
But the table must have doubled size,
For tonight you seem so far from me.
The distance to you is killing me,
For I know what the distance is,
The distance between you and I,
Says how much you have changed.
Your coffin's brought me as close to you,
As I ever was in your life.
Now I remember what I choose from your life,
Not what I saw each day.
2006-10-24 08:33:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I hate poems
2006-10-24 08:35:46 · answer #1 · answered by R & B 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is okay, but it needs a lot of work. I find it boring and drole. Are you talking about a love gone bad or someone close to you who has died? Can you use more imagery rather than this first person narrative?
2006-10-24 15:42:07 · answer #2 · answered by Wookie on Water 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It needs work, you seem to slip twords the middle. Try again, poems can be hard at times.
2006-10-24 15:45:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
great, keep writting you are a born writer
2006-10-24 15:40:16 · answer #4 · answered by elisa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ummmm....itsokay..... in that format its easy on the eyes to ryhme
2006-10-24 15:36:10 · answer #5 · answered by playaninstrument 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What?
2006-10-24 15:41:01 · answer #6 · answered by Zelda 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try again! you have the potential....
2006-10-24 15:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by #10 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋