My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years and when we both got together we both swore off marriage, I am divorced and he's never been married, but now it seems that I need more out of the relationship. He's a good guy, but very often he bad mouths people who are engaged or just got married, he is anti-marriage all the way. In the beginning since we both felt the same about marriage I thought it would be okay to have a relationship. Our relationship has gotten routine and everytime I try something new to keep the relationship from getting boring it bothers him. As for sex, he wants it only 1 a month, he has trouble with erection from drug abuse when he was young. He has no goals, I want to buy a house, and finish school. Everytime I talk about we, he changes it to I. This guy has been a bachelor all his life and I don't think he's ready for any kind of real commitment. I am ready to move on, how do I tell him nicely as to not hurt him to much.
2006-10-24 08:28:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I thank you for sticking with someone so long.. but you can only try so much.. if you keep trying and keep trying with failure then maybe you should think about getting another b/f.
Sounds like you are headed in YOUR right direction. Maybe HIS right direction is staying a bachelor, everyone is different and sometimes even as hard as you want it too, you can't makes things go your way with someone else, that person has to step up to your plate.
As mean as this might sounds, it sounds like you are letting his past stay in your future, having a drug issue in his past does not mean you must suffer for the rest of your life. it is going to be hard, but one day you will realize you need to let him go, move on and think of that dream house and diploma, you will find more satisfaction with that.
good luck
2006-10-24 08:37:10 · answer #1 · answered by Crys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Even though you both agreed that marriage wasnt for you, that doesnt mean you can't have a partnership. Of course you want some sort of mature commitment- regardless if it involves marriage. He may be unaware of what a long term partnership involves. Its not all about him- he is not single. I know couples who bought a house and have ahd children and never married. You have to clear up the ambiguity. Its only fair that you are upfront with him about your changing needs. Relationships evolve all the time and someone perfect for us at one point may not be fulfilling our needs at another. Tell him that if you had the choice- he would be the man in your life. But you understand his feelings and that what you need he doesnt seem to want/ or cannot provide. Maybe he thinks you are happy based on your previous conversation? Maybe he doesnt know you require more from him? Talk to him first, then decide whats best for you.
2006-10-24 08:38:42 · answer #2 · answered by AGNY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going to hurt him. How much, depends on how mean you are when you tell him. Advise him that you want more from the relationship, as well as need more from it. Ask him if he would like to supply it or do you have to move ahead with your own life.....without him in it. You knew going into it he was anti marriage, so you have to be willing to take some flack on this one. He's going to fire some at you, so just hang on. Good luck, honey.
2006-10-24 08:33:17 · answer #3 · answered by daj11551 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him the truth. In the beginning, neither of you wanted a commitment, but you have changed over the years. Just as you respect that he is not interested in marriage, he should respect that you now are able to see yourself married in the future.
2006-10-24 08:31:39 · answer #4 · answered by edcw0214 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is YOUR life, it was nice for a while, but just as the seasons change, people also do, while some never want any more than to be complacent in their world. Your ready to blossom in to another season. Hurt is inevitable, but that's of this world my dear, sorry, but he will get over it as we all do.
I AM
2006-10-24 08:42:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be nice and tell him that while you've enjoyed your relationship, you've both changed and taken different paths. Be honest with him, let him know that he's a wonderful person but you simply do not see a future with him.
2006-10-24 08:31:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on...and the way to make him leave YOU is to start pressing for engagement and marriage.
2006-10-24 08:30:42 · answer #7 · answered by Jim P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is gonna hurt when you break it off, but i suggest being honest
and truely explain your decision. then maybe he will know where you're coming from, he might not agree completely, but at least he'll know. lyign to him will hurt more if he finds out the truth
but move on, dear theres much better men out there =]
good luck
2006-10-24 10:45:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no soft way to end it. You just gotta end it. Tell him that your goals have changed and the relationship has not. He's good and its not working for you....start there.
2006-10-24 08:31:24 · answer #9 · answered by outspoken 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's going to hurt however you say it but I would rather have someone be straight to the point than drag it out.
2006-10-24 08:30:16 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋