I don't buy into the whole moms have a special bond that dad doesn't understand?

Question

So for all of you out there who think this is the case in divorce you seriously need to adjust your tunnel vision. I am 100% for womens equal treatment in every aspect. I don't dwn play the bonds between mother and child and it makes me sick when people down play my bond with my daughter. That whole stupid argument is exactly what her mom says and you know what I say about it: quite being so damn selfish and full of your self! You think you are the only one who has a special bond with your children? It is this mind frame and thought process that has surpressed people for years. Oh but I guess that is the way it's always been huh? Well welcome to the 21st century.

Answer 1

All I'm reading from is how the mom has a bond and I think it's true. When are they going to start talking about the childs bond. This is typical of mothers. My ex thinks she is entitled to more custody of our daughter just because she is her mother and give no other reasons. She is a totally lunatic. She left me for another man and stayed on his couch for a few months, yet she thought that was a better environment for our daughter (3 at the time) than staying in her home in her own room.

All I hear is the view point of the women. How many of you remember growing inside your mother? Kids have bonds with both parents. Then again, how often does divorce arguments really take into consideration for the child? Most people use the child as a tool to strengthen their own fight.

So PLEASE stop confusing your motherly bonds with that of the childs own bonds.

Answer 2

I agree. I think that a bond might be stronger if the mother breast feeds the child for the first year. But the bond is built by taking care of the child's needs. All their needs, hunger, bathing, clothing, fixing the boo boos, talking to the teaching them, reading to them, tucking them into bed. Sitting with them when they feel sad, or have had a bad day at school. My wife did not breast feed any of our three children and I pretty much take care of the other stuff including the discipline so my bond is 100 times stronger than hers. The world needs to get into the 21st century.

Answer 3

Ok, lets reword this. A dad and a mother both have special bonds to their child. Not necessary in the same way, and there is nothing wrong with that.

You just can't imagine what it is like to grow a baby inside of your body, just like a woman can't understand how it feels for a man to plant his seed and see his love grow with this pregnancy.
A man can't comprehend how it feels to push that baby out but he can experience watching it and watch that baby take it's first breath.
A mother breasts feeds a child. No man can comprehend this.
But he can be full of honor and pride to watch his woman breast feed the baby.

So, you see, each partner has reason to feel connected to the child. In different ways, and this doesn't negate the feelings of the man, it is just different.

As a mother I can say that growing a baby and nursing them is something their father will never of experienced.

You have some pretty heavy duity bitterness about this. Where does it come from?? Let go of it or you will be making the choice to live your life jadded.

Answer 4

It isn't that women are naturally closer to their children; they are conditioned into it- throughout society, women are being told that they must be mothers, that they must experience a particular sense of parenthood. They are given models in the media by which they identify themselves (becuase these things are the only things we *can* use to identify ourselves) as mothers, as possessing a special bond.

There are other problems with the humanist view you're opposing too- if women are biologically predisposed to child rearing, how does that work? Can you describe exactly *how* genes, hormones etc. make women better parents? A fair few of these people can't. And wouldn't it make evolutionary sense for men, as tending (though not always) to be stronger, to possess the greatest desire of a human community to protect children, not least their own?

Plus, in the 17th century, most upper class women would send their children away to be raised, usually for many years. James 1 never knew his mother (Mary Queen of Scots) through this. So what does that say about a 'special bond' that women have?

Answer 5

I agree that mothers have the first true contact with the child and that their relationship with their child is unique in a way that father will never understand. But 9 months is really a short time. After that a willing father like many men can be as involved if not more involved than the mother.

Children do not gravitate towards the womb. They gravitate towards love. Most proud fathers that I know would literally die to protect not only their children, but their wives as well. That type love doesn't seem important to those who don't understand it, but I consider it as strong as any love on earth. And a child figures out who loves it pretty early in life.

Answer 6

I think any individual can have a special bond with a child. I have seen many mothers without bonds (living in Dubai where the nannies raise the children from birth on), and I have seen men with tremendous bonds (my husband is one).
Each parent-child bond is unique.
But statistically, I would have to say that more mothers than fathers have strong bonds.
None of us can say if you have a stronger bond or your wife. In your heart, you probably know the answer, and so does she.

Answer 7

I think each parent bonds with their child in separate ways. My daughter is definately her daddys little princess and I love watching the two of them interact. I see your point, the world automatically assumes in case of divorce the mother is the better custodial parent, but that is not always the case and both parents have equal rights to fight for their children. But for best interest of the child, the parents need to be mature adults about this and try to come to some sort of custodial agreement and not hash it out in the courts. While i think both parents have rights to their children, I dont think either parent has a right to deny the other parent to see his/her child. I hope you two can work out an arrangement that is right for everybody, especially your daughter. Good luck and I'm sorry you're going through this. My prayers are with you.

Answer 8

Mothers do have a special bond with their children. But so do fathers. Both relationships are equally important in a child's life. My brother has custody of his daughter and has since she was 6 months old. Kids are not always better off with their mother. I agree with you there.

Answer 9

I believe each parent has a special and different kind of bond with their children. I think mothers have bonded since conception, as they carried them in their womb for 9 months and gave birth. Although, I think a fathers bond with a child is very different, but equally special.

Answer 10

Dad's have special bonds with there kids too. It my be different from a mother's bond, but it is still a bond between a father and his child.