I am not sexually attracted to my wife anymore. I am here for the kids and the kids only. I am their primary care giver but she is not a bad mom, just there to pick up the slack when I cannot attend to the kids. I have to get drunk to have sex with her. She kissed a guy at work when he knew we were having trouble a couple of years ago, so I know she has it in her to cheat. Should I hire someone to seduce her and sleep with her? That way I can get pictures for court and get custody of my kids.
2006-10-24 07:36:15 · 68 answers · asked by Joesmoe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
wow man, you are a real winner. I guess if it is that bad, then do what you have to do. I feel sorry for your wife, she seems like she is as unhappy as you are. really you should just leave and quit hurting her.
2006-10-24 07:40:51 · answer #1 · answered by dumb guy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would say don't. If you've already established that she's a good mom, then why do you want to punish your children by getting full custody? Which by the way you have to have a lot more dirt than an affair to get full custody! Unless you can prove that she is an unfit mother or has in some way endangered the kids lives or something of that sort then it will most likely be joint custody. If you're not careful the courts might work in her favour! Usually a child's natural mother is give preference in custody battles. It's not her fault that you are no longer attracted to her... just get a divorce, be civil about it and for the kids sake keep a friendly relationship with their mother.
2006-10-24 07:43:16 · answer #2 · answered by Rebecca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do that, chances are she could find out that you hired someone to sleep with her. And now a days it does not matter if a spouse cheats. I work for the Court system and that is really not enough for kids to go with the other parent if the other parent has cheated. A court of law has to look at the big picture and if your wife is a good mother (which you stated), then just because she got busted cheating would not help you. If you are that unhappy you need to either seek counseling or get a divorce. The children can pick up on whether or not you guys are happy with each other.
2006-10-24 07:49:42 · answer #3 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a man of integrity and a role model for your children. Would you want them to know what you have done? That is still there mother even after you are divorced? If you can't find a way to honor your marriage vows, show some respect (if not for her and you, then for your kids). You loved this woman enough at one time to marry her - show it by leaving the marriage without all this trickery and deceit of which you speak. But first, make sure that the marriage is really over. You owe that to your children to go back one more time and give the marriage a real try. Look inside yourself and see how you might be contributing to the problem. Those will be the kind of efforts you can later share with your children and have them understand and appreciate you for it if this marriage fails.
Bottom line - Be a man of integrity - one that will make your children proud.
2006-10-24 08:02:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not.
That is extremely underhand and disrespectful of a woman who has spent many years with you, helping to raise your children.
Your wife will still have a right to see your children and be their mother - you're just being selfish so you don't have to be the "bad" parent. If she ever found out about being tricked (and it may come out when you sort out finances) she would justifiably be extremely angry. Your dishonesty and underhandedness may count against you for custody.
Explain how you feel to her and see if she'd agree to a divorce with you keeping main custody and her having responsibility at weekends, say. Or some other form of joint custody. It can't be much fun being married to a man who only sleeps with her when drunk and she may be more receptive than you think.
Your children need both their parents to behave honestly and like adults. Trying to trick your wife into an affair is neither honest nor adult behaviour.
2006-10-24 07:44:41 · answer #5 · answered by in vino veritas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be in this relationship for the kids. When you are in a relationship, it means that you love this person and want to share your life with her. This is not your case, so you should separate or get a divorce, because you will make your kids suffer the consequences of a bad relationship. You should also re-think what you want to do in order to get custody of the children. You may do that to seek custody of your kids, but you will also loose the trust and love of your kids if they find out that you were behind this all along. You can still be a good single parent and your children will appreciate it better. Remember that they can feel when their parents don't love each other anymore. Think, think, think....and make the right decision, before it's too late.
2006-10-24 07:46:50 · answer #6 · answered by Big&Tall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why dont you be a real man and leave her in the right way. Sexual attraction is always something that loses its spark when you have been married a while. Its the little things that spark it up again that you do for each other. Little kindnesses and respect. Just becuase you are not feeling the attraction your kids get to pay the price in the end... Try serving your wife, your attraction may change. Your heart may find that spark for her that you once had. Love is charity, kindness, respect, selflessness... what have you really done for her as a human being, as your wife? the mother of your kids?
I'm sad at your fleeting attitude towards marriage and the sacredness of it. You will be accountable one day for your actions and desires of your heart in regards to your wife.
There goes another set of kids going to be messed up becaues they had messed up parents. Shame..
Passion in love is such a small part of it.....love is so much more than that. Try to find it to look at her good attributes, the reasons you married her in the first place.
There is a saying that I love.. " marry the one you love & love the one you marry".
Choose the right-
2006-10-24 08:04:35 · answer #7 · answered by SunValleyLife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me get this straight. Your wife is a good mom, and so you want to set her up and get photo evidence she cheated so you can get custody of your kids? Yet she's a good mom.....
Dude. What are you smoking/drinking, because you need to pass that ****!!
Honestly, why hurt your kids that way. Think about them. Don't you think it will hurt them when they discover their mother 'cheated' on their dad? And what will happen if/when they find out you set the whole thing up? Think about your kids and don't do it. The trauma and pain you could cause them is not worth it. If your not happy in your marriage, and you haven't tried it yet, try marriage counseling. If that doesn't work, try separation with visitation, whether you keep the kids or your wife does. If that doesn't work, then as a last resort their is divorce.
Just think of your kids well being and don't do anything stupid.
2006-10-24 07:42:17 · answer #8 · answered by Kevin J 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Frankly even if your wife has an affair with another man, it doesn't guarantee that you would get custody of the kids. She might be able to prove you are an alcholic since you are apparently drinking all the time now. Just get the divorce and make sure that in the divorce degree you specify that she can't at least move your kids away from you.
2006-10-24 07:43:02 · answer #9 · answered by Gonzo 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wonder if this is actually worse than cheating. Come on now...go down and file for a divorce. If you have the proof you're the primary care giver....you'll get custody of your kids. You'll already be making your wife look bad, why do you want to bury her. She is your kids' mother. Let her have some dignity for the sake of your children.
2006-10-24 07:39:06 · answer #10 · answered by blueeyeskenai 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
you are off your nut mate.
if you dont love your wife then leave her.
you dont have to degrade her or yourself by getting someone to sleep with her so you can get pictures for christ sake.
she probably kissed the other guy cos she knows you dont want her i'd do the same if it were me.
as for using the pics so you can get custody of your kids thats not only a cheap shot that could have serious repercussions on your kids in the future but it wont win you a court case either trust me ive done it.
unless the courts have good reason to believe that your wife is an unfit mother she will get custody and there is jack all you can do about it.
do yourself and your kids a favour and just leave your wife. it cant be doing your kids any good at all. think of them instead of yourself
2006-10-24 07:43:56 · answer #11 · answered by rosierotweiller 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋