Inside the gothic chamber of my heart
A round shaped table,painted dark,
A chandelier from crystals made.
A mirror seeking my own fate.
Up on a chair,a little child ,
With hair as night and eyes so wild
That a single stare could cut
Trough the ration of a thought.
Every day he takes a knife
And he cuts himself alive.
All from scars, his body's made,
Counting them to stay awake.
Stay awake he always thought
If you sleep all fall apart
If you close your eyes to weep
The whole world will die asleep.
One day ,he touched his face
Searching for a tiny place,
Where he could add a scar to count,
But no place, was to be found.
With his vision towards the moon
His counting stopped.He entered soon
The dreaded dream he always found
A thing to fear,the holy ground.
And in his dream he finds his heart,
A round shaped table,painted dark,
A chandelier from crystals made,
A mirror broken by his fate.
2006-10-24 07:22:49 · 14 answers · asked by Servius Tullius 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
luved d poem....n if itz truly frm ur heart id appreciate it all d mor!!!
2006-10-24 07:43:19 · answer #1 · answered by jinn_watrurwishes 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is good but you seriously need to see someone about the cutting thing. You are so talented with this why not write a poem instead of cutting.Good Luck my friend.
2006-10-24 07:26:22 · answer #2 · answered by blueberry_coconut_1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a well written poem. Very sad though.
Also an overly dramatic obsessive love affair going on with death and pain.
2006-10-24 07:28:06 · answer #3 · answered by danaluana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's excellent. My only suggestion would be not to force the rhyme so much, but you've done a wonderful job communicating the emotion.
2006-10-24 07:26:59 · answer #4 · answered by francesfarmer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
INSIGHTFULL. Uncovering deep layers of the human soul in its unchangable fate. Existencial determinism ?
2006-10-24 07:41:48 · answer #5 · answered by TALITA KUMI 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is well written but I do not care for the subject matter. Good job however.
2006-10-24 07:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Sky
The sky is blues,
The grass is greens.
Get off your seat
And join the Marines.
2006-10-24 07:26:15 · answer #7 · answered by Captain Cupcake 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it was good enough to make me read a couple times, it had not revealed itself to me right away so I would say it's pretty good
2006-10-24 09:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by Ben V 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that is a wild poem. it was good and had a lot of thought to it.
2006-10-24 07:25:15 · answer #9 · answered by Ginnykitty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kinda lame and depressing.
2006-10-24 07:24:37 · answer #10 · answered by distalbicept 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋