I just want to know how to handle this... What to do...?

Question

My bf & I finalized things last night. After 4 years, he is now officially my ex. We got rid of all the bad blood & resentment and agreed that the breakup isn't for lack of love or effort. We each just have things to work out in our lives. I was certain that having that talk would be the 'cure all' I needed. I guess not, because I still had that ache inside of me when I woke up this morning. It's for the best, I know, but how do I get myself out of this funk? I miss him US so very much, it hurts. I just want to be able to walk into a store or drive on a highway without some memory coming to haunt me. The pain? It's almost physical. I literally have to take deep, slow breaths sometimes because I feel like my chest might explode. I want to stop crying all the time. I want to be ok with the fact that there's no 'us' anymore. He's ok. He bounced right back up. Why can't I? I'm not a weak person, At 28, I've pulled myself through a lot of crap in life. What's wrong now? Why is this so hard?

Answer 1

yes break ups suck... after finding out my boyfreind was cheating on me, we broke up.. but hey, that was no where near four years.. everyone is different when it comes to heartbreak, we all react different, as you've seen in yor boyfriend.. he 'appears' to have got on in life, but he may be dying inside.. you said you're not ok with this, so if you want him back, and you regret it enough, you shouldn't be even reading this.. GO TALK TO HIM!!!

p.s. you said when you both have your lifes to sort out.. i dont know how extreme matters are, but say if you got married, you cant just put your realationship on hold. its incredibly hard but what you have to do, is Balance. everyone has to do it, some more than others.

GOOD LUCK!! hope i didn confuse you too much!!!

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. I know how you feel. And it sucks. It's like your life is at a stand still when you should be out living your life. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it's NOT HIM you are aching over, it's the relationship that you were used to, like a bad habit that you are sad about? For example, I broke up with this guy I dated for 2 years. I thought I was sad because we broke up and I still loved him. After days of thinking about it, it was the 2 year relationship I was infatuated with and I was so used to it that I couldn't imagine living life alone after being with someone for 2 years that I did EVERYTHING with. And as I'm sure you know, guys don't work the same as girls do. It's easier for them to move on because that's what a guys supposed to do. Kind of a macho thing I guess. Us girls get attached physically and emotionally. Good luck in your journey. This is a good time for soul searching and self-help. This way you can asses what's really making you sad. The break up or you being alone?

Answer 3

You were with him for a long time and no matter what you do its going to hurt, you miss the love but as you explained its time to move on. Time will heal all wounds but you have to let the pain come first there is no stopping it. Some people don't know how to deal with the stress of breaking up because it hurts so differently than any other pain its almost like a death of someone close. There is no "best" advice to this one you just need to focus on yourself and really look inside and use your own strength and you will get through it use friends and family as a crutch that's what they are there for, they should be happy to help you through this difficult time, good luck and i hope you feel better soon

Answer 4

well bad news sister, love hurts, and i hate to quote a cliche, but time heals all wounds. there is no cure for the ache you feel, and you and your ex should be proud of the choice you both made, because if you can't solve the problem a bad situation gets worse, until all the love is gone, and only hate remains.

what to do, what to do?

take one day at a time, live life for yourself, concentrate on what needs to be done, on your work on your children if you have any. you should not try to dwell on what has happened or compare it to anything else. it is true what they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". its ok to hurt to cry, to feel bad, what you experience isn't anything short of a tragedy, (a personal one any way), because even though it isn't a death you are still loosing a loved one. so mourn your loss as long as you need to, and when you have done that pick yourself back up and cotinue living.

you know, it does get better with time, you may not see it here and now but it does get better, to the point of forgetting the person. just give yourself time. and understand that he already let you go, you must do the same.

good luck

Answer 5

you loved him very much and it hurts to end things. Why did you guys break up anyway? not getting along? careers not in line yet? Give yourself time to realize who you are. Maybe you guys weren't in love just usd to each other. Smae thing happend wiht my BF and i. 2 months after the break up we got back together and thigns are great now. THat's probably what you need- a break from him. Hang out with your friends and family for support and it will be easier. Try to keep from being alone. The more alone time you spend the more you';ll think of him and cry. It's good to cry but- it's also harder though. If you can- refrain from calling him. IF he calls you- talk to him. Don't make him feel like you hate him or won't even want to hear from him but- let him know that you're goijng through a hard time and it's good to take that time off. IF you guys reallly love each other both ends- you will get back together someday but if not and love was either on your end only or his end only- you won't see him again. If this is the case- move on with your life but if you love him and he calls you and tries to keep in contact with you it's because he lvoes you and misses you alot. Give yourself some time off of him a month or two and see what happens during that time. If you find out he's found someone else or you find someone else then- no need to wait. Move on with your life! Best of luck to you! cray all you need to let it all out it's good for you but- try to surround yourself with friends and loved ones it will be better fro you

Answer 6

It hurts and its going to hurt for a long time the best thing I have found to do is crated distance it just works. I wouldn't say jump right into dating or anything but make some new guy friends. Start new traditions with yourself like picking up groceries every Tuesday and making a meal you know just small things like that. Also get back in touch with your girlfriends, sometimes having a long relationship takes its tole on you social life get back in touch with people you may not have had as much time for that always feels good.

Answer 7

it's hard because you gave all of yourself for four yeats to a man that you loved and even if the break up was mutual, it will feel like a part of you is dying. Your other half is no longer there and in some ways you were dependent on, if anything, the mere fact that he was there and there for you. Now that he is gone, its hard to let go. Give yourself time. Every tear you shed is a piece of your heart healing. Just let them flow and eventually tha pain will subside and you will remember who are you and you will grow from there. Take it a day at a time.

Answer 8

That's a tough one to give a single answer to but rather requires some exploring. In theory you strive to stick to the acceptable methods of dealing with adverse situations, polite, civil, calm etc.... But when it comes down to it if the issues are provoked to the point that they become burning issues then the survival instinct kicks in and I always hope that when that happens that I have not made a complete and utter disaster of things with my reaction. I am saying that I emotionally express myself, might need to cry, might need to rant, might have to confront and then blow off the steam depending... If it is something sad like cancer or a heart attack ending yet another life then for me personally it is internalizes. I take that to heart and it changes and effects my every thought and action but under the surface and I don't control, it is an instinctual reaction telling me to live my life as true as I can because you can be gone in an instant. Keep smiling back at you....:)

Answer 9

He is not okay either. He is just acting like that in front of you and in front of others. You should do the same. Even if you feel like crap about it don't show it. The problem is, is that people always feel crappy after heartbreaks. There is nothing you can do but occupy you time with others so you don't think about him. If a song or a smell or something reminds you of him, think of something he did that was mean or f*&@ed up. Spend time with friends and family to help you cope. good luck

Answer 10

Let me start by saying I feel your pain. You will, however, feel better soon. I would compare what you are feeling emotionally and mentally to a physical detox...the memories need to recede and become a little less vivid...the need for the "us" will dissipate and the addiction will gradually become less painful. They say to replace a bad habit with a good one so you don't find yourself going back to the bad for a fix. I would replace the "us" with the lovely "you" and do the things you really like to do and treat yourself well. I would also recommend a flower remedy called "Bleeding Heart". It comes in a small dropper bottle and you place the diluted or undiluted contents under your tongue then swallow. It is all natural, you can't take too much and it makes you feel much better. Hang in there, you can and will heal.