why do people tell rape victims to "get over it"?

Question

That is the most insensitive thing to do after they been through all of that!

Answer 1

i dont know of anyone who'd say that right away after it happens.

but, eventually, your options are to get over it and move on with your life, and see all the good things that can come later, or just dwell on it and live in a victim mentality forever. its better to work through the pain and reclaim your life, so getting over it is the only way to move on and not self destruct.

Answer 2

There is a point where the victim needs some help- maybe counseling, to realize that what happened is done, and life goes on , and you just have to do the best you can. Sometimes it helps for a victim to become an activist for helping other victims.
I had that particular experience when I was 16. I am 50 now. I had to learn how to adjust my thinking, and go on. I raised a family, held a job, and I always helped out in any instance where I could with a rape victim. Eventually, anyone who has ever had a bad experience needs to get over it and move on.

Answer 3

Most often people who say this are not insensitive they just don;t understand the elements involved with "rape"

For many years Rape was a dirty word never talked about and a secret that women keep to themselves until the laws were changed to reflect a new thinking RAPE IS NOT THE WOMANS FAULT.

The line of thought that a woman was at fault when she is raped was prevelent for many many years. Now we have an understanding that rape is not about sex, the way a woman dresses or how she acts it is about the person who committes it need for power.

So, people who say get over it are people who have not experienced it or find it hard to understand

Answer 4

People say things like that because they don't know what else to say. A lot of people think that women are just asking to be raped by the way they dress or act. When a woman says no it means NO not well maybe but NO.

If these people would just put theirselves in the victims shoes for just one day they will understand that there is no "getting over it".

I had been attacked by a stalker a few years back and it was the worse thing that could have ever happened to me. I had been through counseling for a couple years and I still have nightmares about that. I sleep with a loaded gun in the house and my cell phone next to my head. I can guarantee it won't ever happen again to me.

Answer 5

"Getting over it" is necessary for a rape victim if he or she is going to be able to live after the crime. However, what those who are ignorant of the problem don't realize is that it fundamentally changes a person. One can "get over" rape, but one is NEVER left unchanged and "innocent" even IF that person gets over it. So I suppose it depends on what a person means by "get over it."

That said, I think most people just lack empathy and can't imagine what happens to someone after he or she is raped. They don't want to deal with it, and they don't have to. All they have to do is deal with someone else who has been raped that they can't possibly understand or identify with. Instead of trying to understand, they get irritable. It is understandable but it would be so much nicer if people just refrained from saying "get over it" even when they want to. It doesn't help.

Answer 6

It is very cruel, and insulting to tell somoeone to get over being molested or raped. This person has just been invaded in the most hideous, and personal way, mainly by savagery. People who have never been raped say dumb things like that, so they remain stupid and insensitive.

Answer 7

while i wouldn't tell someone "get over it," getting over it is an important part of the healing process.

rape victims shouldn't be afraid of intimacy or the opposite sex for the rest of their lives. they need to be able to accept that something horrible and unforgivable has happened to them, but that there are still good things and good people out there.

then again, i'm a man, and i've never been involved with rape or rape victims, so my opinion is relatively worthless on the matter, i guess.

Answer 8

I have never heard anyone say that,thats harsh and disrespectful.I did tell my sister inlaw that she must try to deal with it.I told her it was terrible for someone to break into her house and hold a knife to her throat and rape her but she must be strong and keep going forward.I told her she is a wreck now and very nervous and scared to go near her door,open her door,or go outside.I told her she must face her fears and if she can not do it by herself then she needs to seek counseling A.S.A.P.It was hard to watch her go through the aftermath of being raped.Maybe others can not think of the words I used to my sister inlaw so they say get over it.A raped victim must not let the fact that she was raped stop her from her daily activities.I know its easy for me to say but its true.I encourage all rape victims to get professional help if they can not deal with it by theirselfs.My sister inlaw got her life back and no longer fears anything but does have nightmares still.

Answer 9

People who would tell that to a rape victim are usually the same ones telling grieving people or chronically ill people, etc to "get over it". It shows a basic lack of concern and empathy for one's fellow human being, and such a comment is an indicator of a major defect in one's character.
I pity such a person.
The time it takes to get past traumatic, life-changing events such as rape is different for each individual. I seriously doubt that they would ever "get over it".

Answer 10

Probably because they have never had the unfortunate opportunity to experience that horror for themselves. When someone steals your dignity, it takes time to heal and get it back. To say "get over it" is as ignorant as it would be to tell someone with a broken leg to snap out of it and walk without a crutch. Injuries of all kinds take time to heal. It is ignorant and beyond insensitive to think otherwise, in my opinion. Peace.