My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We both know that we want to be together and have children. We both still live with our parents, and we both have full-time jobs. We're in our mid-twenties.
I think we're ready to move on to the next level. He says no because we don't have the money. We both make a decent living. Approx. 70K (combined) before taxes, if not more. Neither one of us has any real savings, but pay all of our bills with ease. I know that if we sat down to actually make a budget, we would be able to figure out how we could easily save up for a down payment on a hosue and a wedding. We just have to stop our frivolous spending.
He doesn't seem to even want to get engaged before we have the savings and he thinks that we have enough money. I don't see what it has to do with getting engaged.
Aren't most people struggling with money when they first get married?
2006-10-24 06:47:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would like for us to get an apartment. But, he refuses to live in one. He wants a house. Last time we spoke about it, he thinks that an apartment is a waste of money and it won't help us save. I pay rent at home and have recently had to purchase a new car. So I have a budget and make sure that all my bills are paid before I spend anything. I would move out, but don't have enough money to do so on my own. He only has his cell phone and car insurance to pay for. I, as well as his older sister have been trying to get him to do a budget.
I really do think that we have more money than we think we do.
2006-10-24 07:03:47 · update #1
Just make a budget and plan to save....it doesn't have to be saved for any special occasion...but SAVE! You guys make a decent income together and it is true that you need to stop your frivolous spending if you want to save. There is a book out called Automatic Millionaire....gives really good advice on how to save. We were dirt poor...and the opportunity came about to buy a brand new house...it hadn't even been built yet, so we had a few months to save.. We did it! Now we are married and doing ok. We are both on a budget so we have to choose wisely what we spend our money on. Personally, I think people who use finances as an excuse to NOT get married are silly.... You just have to actually make the budget and stick to it!!
2006-10-24 06:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone I've ever known has lived paycheck to paycheck when they first get married and all the way through. Buy her a decent ring and then marry at the justice of the peace. $30. Get an apartment for a year or two while you settle into your budget and save for a house. Start small. Build equity, buy not your dream furniture. Then dump your equity after a few years into a bigger house if you want. Don't believe what the real-estate agent tells you that you can afford. Stick to your guns. No one ever has enough money anyway. Kids have unexpected costs, water heaters break, someone needs dental work, car maintenance, etc. What you DO need is clear communication, and a partner that sticks to the agreements you make together. And actual love. If that doesn't convince you and her that you'll be okay, especially with your combined incomes, then she may not be ready. Therefore, wait.
2016-05-22 08:15:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
People are going to struggle no matter what, unless they have amazing pay within their job. before you two even think about marriage, perhaps you should make a budget stick with it, maybe move in together and see how that works out. If you are again living together before marriage, I would still suggest saving your money so you will have a comfortable life when you chose to get marriage. Weddings are extremely expensive and so is living on your own, If you are having problems with it now, you two will be living paycheck to paycheck if you don't buckle down.
2006-10-24 06:53:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm newly married, three months, and we both just turned 20. We have full time jobs and he is taking a couple of classes. We do fine, we had a little money saved up when we met. We own our own home. Right now, we can't seem to save too much money. We have no problem paying the bills, but every time we get money saved, his car breaks down, or the furnace stops working... etc. So I think you'll be fine. We do great , and we own our own home, and we make less than you and your bf.
2006-10-24 07:07:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was living paycheck to paycheck both times. I should mention that I was 15 the first time and 19 the second time. I am now 41 and happily divorced. If I had it to do over again I would at least have enough money set aside to buy a home and decent vehicle. Especially before having children.
2006-10-24 06:59:51 · answer #5 · answered by BetteBoop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We were living paycheck to paycheck---Honestly, at your ages, I'm surprised you don't both have your own apts. at least. Frankly, I'ld want to test the whole situation. Get an apt. together (married or just live together,if ok with your values),and see if the two of you can even budget life there, and stand to live with each other, BEFORE investing in a house together(especially with a guy that's this reluctant)--if you wait for the "right time" money-wise, it's like waiting to have kids at the "right time"--it's never convenient or enough...life will pass you by while you're waiting...good luck
2006-10-24 06:57:16 · answer #6 · answered by blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most younger people probably do struggle with money. Mid-twenties is a good time to start thinking of a family and settling down. If anything, living together as a family should save you money; he may simply not be ready to commit to marriage, and is using money as an excuse. Things are never "perfect" - if you wait for the "perfect time" to make the next step, more often than not it never comes.
2006-10-24 06:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we got married, things were just okay. We went through way harder times later.
Back to you. It is very sad that each of you is living with your respective parents. You should each be living out on your own to experience reality and how the real world works - paying your own bills, and dealing in general with life as a single person. Don't live together - you both need to be out on your own to do your own learning. Don't jump right from your parents' arms into your marriage.
2006-10-24 08:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would appreciate his realistic approach. Too many marriages end over money problems. If you feel that you are ready to buy a home then you buy one.l You don't need to wait around for a man to commit marriage to you before you make your lifes decisions. It is always best to be independent and able to take care of your obligations and responsibilities on your own because your relationship could end and then what would you do? Be able to stand alone no matter what. If you try to force someone to marry who doesn't want to you will lose that person and then what?
2006-10-24 07:06:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I got married yes we had money then we had kids and still had money then we ended up with 4 kids and started living paycheck to paycheck and now 9 years later I'm divorced and living check to check. So my advice go for it just don't have a lot of kids stop at one or two so the other one has someone to play with!
2006-10-24 06:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by Sissy Girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋