The following is one of my poems. I asked yesterday how to know if I was good? Well, here you go, give me an opinion.
The Flame
Can you see it burning?
The flame gets so hot in our hearts.
It makes us never want to be apart.
All the magic in the world can not equal the magic in our LOVE.
Some say we go together like a hand in a glove.
Do you feel it burning?
Or is your heart still learning?
Learning to accept the love that you feel.
Trying so hard to go on and heal.
To heal from the heartache from not so long ago.
It's all right my love, we can go slow.
For you, my love will only grow.
The flame is my soul burning for you.
Guiding you to me, all the way through.
Through your hard times and happy ones too.
My flame burns only for you!
Feel my fire as I lift your spirits higher.
See the flame in my want and desire.
Forget your heartache, you need it no more.
You are the one that I adore.
Iva Dawn Garman
Copyright ©2006 Iva Dawn Garman
2006-10-24 06:44:17 · 10 answers · asked by angels_smile75 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
I believe that that is a very well written poem. There is a ton of feeling in it and it actually got to me. Ya dun good :) !!
2006-10-24 06:46:16 · answer #1 · answered by tiffany6322 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You certainly have put a great deal of feeling and emotion in your poem. Some of your metaphors are problematic, for example..."the flame gets so hot in our hearts..it makes us never want to be apart" Generally one attempts to escape a flame that is burning them...so that imagery doesnt work for me....
Also...there is a "disconnect" between the questions..."Do you feel it burning? Or is your heart still learning" I realize you are trying to make certain that your lines rhyme, but you are sacrificing meaning for rhyming. Keep up the poetry writing though...practice makes perfect. Also, I would suggest getting some books of poetry and reading them; you will see that great poems use language in startling ways; they make extra-ordinary, the ordinary. Unfortunately, there are many cliches in your poem.
Keep working on it.
2006-10-24 07:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Jo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is so expressive. The emotion is great. The rhyming almost takes away from the flow, I don't know if that makes sense. Often the best poetry doesn't rhyme.
But beautiful talent, I am quite impressed
2006-10-24 06:48:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, i am no peom expert but, BRAVO! i think it was real creative. it must be really cool to be able to compose poems. i always envied people who had such skills like poem writing and drawing. 2 thumbs up!
2006-10-24 06:47:47 · answer #4 · answered by illustration 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very nice. I think that could be used as lyrics to.
2006-10-24 06:47:58 · answer #5 · answered by stunner_stunner2000 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It`s a bit simplistic but it`s OK
2006-10-24 06:53:32 · answer #6 · answered by Hamish 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Very Good,Keep it up!!
2006-10-24 06:53:19 · answer #7 · answered by Tara 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't quit your day job.
2006-10-24 06:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by still_feel_gone83 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats a good poem
: )
2006-10-24 06:46:22 · answer #9 · answered by Ginnykitty 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not bad at all
2006-10-24 06:47:42 · answer #10 · answered by ljk 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋