Trouble with the In-Laws??

Question

Okay seriously I am going to scream!!! or kill them..lol. My mother in-law is the worst. She is always telling me what she is going to do when the baby gets here and when she is going to take it and so forth. Im like Umm no I dont think so that will be up to me and my husband. She has even went as far as saying she is going to make up a calander of what times she wants the baby! and that she will be the first to hold him, even befor me and Josh! Not happening! I have talked to my husband about his and He personally has talked to them cause he feels they are taking it to far as well and that didnt even stop it. I told her that the baby can visit and she can visit but for the first couple of months the baby wont be sleeping over at either set of grandparents house, simply because its my New baby and I want to spend time with him. Plus they are really old about 70 and Im afraid they wont wake up if the baby is crying or needs something. Am I wrong to say that they are pushing it?

also I am 39 weeks along and I dont think I can deal with their crap because I am feeling miserable enough. Should I let his mom be in the delivery room, because she wants to be.

Answer 1

You're right. The baby is your baby and your mother-in-law sounds overbearing and intrusive. She sounds like she's excited about the baby but taking it way to far. Good luck with that and if she can't respect your boundaries limit the amount of time that you and your baby spend with her.

Edit:

Do not allow her in your delivery room. If she thinks that she will take your place as the baby's mother and get to hold it before you don't put yourself in a situation where she can try to grab the baby first. You are the mother and you need tell bond with the baby before anyone else. She sounds like she's nuts.

Answer 2

I had a very similar situation. My mother in law made similar comments and washed the baby's clothes while I was on bedrest and then put them in a dresser in her house. She still has no explanation for that. Here is a little advise.

First - if you don't want her in the delivery room, then no do not let her be there. You will be half naked and uncomfortable and the last thing you need is added stress. My husband did not call his mom until the baby was born (however I had an emergency c section in the middle of the night)

Remember, you are the baby's mother and YOU are going to be the most important person in that child's life, no matter how much she tries to be number 1. Your baby is going to let you know that you are the one that he or she wants to take care of him. But also remember they are his grandparents and there will come a day when you need a break to get some housework done, sleep, have a date with your husband and grandparents come in handy. Since they are older grandparents, remember that they may not have as much time with this child as the average grandparent and know that they want to love this baby as much as they can while they can.
It is hard to keep the reins in though. Give an inch, they will take a mile. Make sure they understand the rules. You are this baby's mom & dad and you ultimately make the decisions. They had their shot already with your husband.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Ok, deep breath! My mother in law was a real b*tch who never wanted to spend time with our daughter. This sounds like a woman who is really excited over the birth of "the" baby! Try to be patient with her as in the end, you DO have the ultimate control. Be kind but firm and tell her that when the baby comes it will be a special moment between you, your husband and the baby. Make sure she isnt there, let the nurse know your wishes when you get there.
You dont have to get mean with her as you can achieve what you want without p*ssing her off. Its called working within the box. You will be surpried that you want some time after the baby-eventually. Start small by giving her the baby for an aft. visit and see how that goes. Kids are resiliant and its good for them to know their grandparents, especially if they "really old" (70 seems younger everyday!) and they wont be around long.

When she starts with her "plans" let her go on. Just say something like "We'll have to see" and let her go. She probably doesnt have this many things that thrill her in her life anymore and heck, you'll need all the help you can get. Babies are alot of work.
Patience and luck to you!

Answer 4

You are not wrong at all! You are being very reasonable. Of course as a grandparent she should be able to spend time with her grandbaby but she is taking it way too far. You do not need to honor these "schedules" she is sending you. You shouldnt even set up a schedule after the baby is old enough to visit! When you have the time, you'll let her know. Don't let her control you- this is YOUR family. She is going to have to learn to follow your family's rules. Also, don't allow her in the room when you are giving birth. Let this be your time. She can hold the baby after you and your husband have had some time enjoying your new family unit.

Answer 5

OK, calm down. The baby isn't even here yet. Sounds like your mother in law is really excited, and probably a little worried that you'll show favoritism toward your parents. You say you've told her about the baby not spending the night right away, so simply stick to it. Tell everyone, not just his parents, the rules your going to run the house by once the baby comes. Like not to call and keep calling to come over, and no dropping by unannounced. When the baby sleeps, turn the ringer off on the phone and tell everyone your going to do that, cause when the baby sleeps you'll be sleeping. Get an answering machines and tell everyone to leave a message and you will call them back. Then make sure you do call back. Tell everyone if they want to drop by call and ask and you will let them know when its convenient. Just remember to be nice, because eventually you are going to want a babysitter and if you make people mad you might not get one. Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 6

It is YOUR baby and your life. Someone can only take advantage if you let them. It is husband responsibility to speak to your in laws if the matter gets out of hand. You decide when and for how long a visit is with your baby. Don't be a pushover when it comes to YOUR child. First it is visit and then what? Are they going to decide everything else?

Why on earth would your baby be spending the night over your in laws anyway?

You better take this matter into your own hands if your husband can't handle it. I venture to bet the minute you give birth you will lose all control over this child if you don't put your foot down.

They are being disrespectful and pushy. If they don't respect you lock your doors and tell them the pedictrian doesn't want a lot of traffic in the house and keep your sanity girl. This is time for you to bond you and your husband and baby not the IN LAWS.

Answer 7

I'm sorry, but I have to giggle. This is a woman who sounds like she is very excited to be a grandma, wants to help as much as she can and I'd take her in a heart beat because she wants to be involved.

See here's the thing....yes she's pushy, but she also knows that once that child comes, there will be no husband/wife time, there will be no sleep, there will be no sex...there will be nothing except parents who want to bond with their new baby to the detraction of everything else. With that comes other things and I think your Mother-in-law is brillant. Talk to her. Tell her that you'll take her up on as many of her offers to babysit as you can after you spend some "new" time - (Babies really shouldn't be around a lot of people for the first 6 weeks anyway.) Then make a date night with your husband and don't let anything get in the way of that.

I think when it comes down to it, I can see Mom not being able to do half of what she says she's going to do, but you know...you're lucky. My in-laws lived in Florida and only got a couple of weeks.

By the way - I'm sure your hormones are playing a role with your tolerance level. Good luck.

PS - I didn't want anyone in my room when I had my daughters; it's your own decision....Just remember - moms and mom-in-law should get the same treatment. If you're going to let your mom in, then you really should let his. Just tell them all to leave when you start pushing so that it can be you and your husband's moment.

Answer 8

I'd say they're definitely overstepping their boundaries. Your husband needs to remain firm in standing up for what both of you believe in. I would not let her in the delivery room. It's a very personal thing and you don't need the pressure. Also, that would allow you time to hold your baby "first" and bond for awhile before allowing them in. You can tell your nurses and doctor the situation and they'll work with you in a diplomatic way. I would mention this whole situation at your next appointment. Likely your doctor has seen this situation before and might have some advice. One thing to think of though is that you will be tired after the baby is born, and having someone willing to give you a break is a good thing. I know under the circumstances it might be hard to see it that way, but you'll need a break from time to time. If your inlaws are so desparate for time with the baby, I'm sure they'll be wonderful caregivers. Further down the line you'll have to deal with things that they're doing that you don't like, but you'll also have to learn to pick your battles wisely. But always go with your heart and gut feelings about what's right for your baby.

Answer 9

Wow! It sounds like you need to get away from her! And I thought my parents and in-laws were bad. I think you just need to be completely honest and straightfoward with this lady, even to the point where you might have to be rude. I didn't want anyone but my husband in the room when I had all of my kids. So we didn't tell anyone when we went in to have them, and then we told the nurses that we didn't want anyone in there. There is no reason why you should feel like you have to give in. Why would she expect you to let a newborn sleep over at her house...this lady is crazy! I guess just tell her, "Look you already had your chance to have kids and now this is my chance. I am going to be calling all of the shots and making all of the decisions with my baby. I will choose when you get to hold him or visit him." If you are breastfeeding you can use it as an excuse to not be able to leave him alone with others. Good luck, I feel sorry for you!

Answer 10

If you do not want her in the delivery room with you then she should ABSOLUTELY NOT be allowed in. My husband and I agreed that when it came time for me to start pushing then only he and I would be in the room. We felt that was something special to be shared only by the two of us.
You are not wrong to say that they are pushing it!
My suggestion on the "spending the night schedule" is to tell her to plan away and once the baby is here you will decide when it will be appropriate for the baby to spend the night. My son did not spend the night at either grandparents until he was about 6 or 7 months old and that was only because I had to work early one morning.