Yesterday I outlined some of my more serious issues. But, since running a country should be fun, too, I have decided to outline, below, some of the policies I think would give everyone a fun boost, and return the pride to being an American. Will you still vote for me after reading this?
and to all you who answered yesterday, THANKS! Even the ones who didn't support my policies were supportive of my aims. That made me feel great!
All beaches will now be NUDE beaches.
Every newly born child shall be issued a banjo.
In all parks and rec areas, at least ONE drinking fountain shall shoot out Hawaiian Punch.
I WILL hang a large, lit-up model of the Starship Enterprise from the ceiling of the Oval Office.
I will also always wear a shirt, jacket and tie while in the Oval Office as a sign of respect. NO BJ's under the Resolute Desk!
President's Council on Physical Fitness will be back!
New Nationwide Law: No cellphones at dinner!
And finally...Mav will be Vice President!
2006-10-24 06:09:12 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Politics & Government ➔ Politics
OK folks, let me explain the concept:
1) Yesterday's entry was serious. This one's just for fun No serious answers, please.
2) If you think my looks get in the way, explain how W. got in with those ears, or Nixon with that face like an old shoe, or why we even CONSIDERED Perot?
LOL
2006-10-24 06:15:44 · update #1
Okay, I went and looked at your serious issues and have read over your fun ones, and you have my vote. Really, why can't we get candidates with so much common sense like you have on the serious issues, and a sense of humor?
P.S.- Can we have Dr. Pepper drinking fountains next to at least some of the Hawaiian Punch ones?
2006-10-24 10:11:09 · answer #1 · answered by nimo22 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GREAT STUFF!
I'd also start a national campaign - DON'T ANNOY EACH OTHER!!! Really, no telemarketers during dinner, no discourteous drivers, no loud parties at night, unless I'm invited. (Not a law, just a sincere request for civility.) Actually, I'd prefer not to be invited anywhere. And don't call, or come by either. Don't even email. Postal workers are allowed, but be warned - I may be better armed than you are. Also, if there's a bad smell coming from my apartment, don't assume I've died until about a month has gone by. I don't bathe much, because I want people to LEAVE ME ALONE!
Also, PLEASE stop sending Christmas/Holiday catalogs until NOVEMBER 1! (October 1 if you're sending to a veteran in the field.) And DON'T SEND ME PICTURES OF YOUR KIDS EVERY YEAR - you HAVE to think they are cute, but I do NOT! And no more "cutesy" emails with idiotic warnings about plastic bags in the microwave or forwarding misbegotten scraps of "wisdom" that I saw on a crappy poster in Spencer's gifts in the 1970s next to the bongs and the "naughty" birthday gifts that everybody looked at BUT NOBODY EVER BOUGHT!!! Also, NO ONE is going to tax emails or send you a dollar for every person you forward the email to, and that stupid little seven year old with cancer who wants to get the world's record number of postcards before he dies is now CURED AND IN COLLEGE! So cut the crap and don't drive my blood pressure up any further.
And please, don't cut the crusts off bread - WHY for the love of God would you do that? IT'S THE SAME BREAD!!! It's perfectly edible! People in Africa are just hoping to find a dung beetle to eat, and your oh-so-sensitive digestive system can't handle BREAD! If you EVER ate a hot dog you have already pretty much sucked out of a raw sewage pipe downstream from an infectious disease unit at a tropical zoo, so step off, skippy. Get a life!
And NO MORE OF THOSE RIDICULOUS TUBES OF ANTIBACTERIAL SOAP GLOP that neurotic people carry everywhere!!! Everyone's got to die, but try LIVING first! GRAB THE SUBWAY STRAP WITH YOUR BARE HAND! Not everyone dies if they get West Nile virus - some of them live! Grab the reins and learn to deal with it! Get some scars on you - that's what life's for!
Another thing I'd do is make sure EVERY KID RECITES THIS EVERY DAY IN SCHOOL: Slow people go in the right lane, fast people go in the left lane! So that when the little snots get their driver's licenses they don't become the MORONS who make me want to PUKE every morning when I go to work! MOVE OVER TO THE RIGHT LANE - I'M GLAD THEY LET YOU OUT OF THE HOME FOR A SUNDAY DRIVE, BUT I HAVE TO GET TO WORK!!! Drill it into their little brains!!! Put it on the Simpsons if it hasn't been on already.
And that's another thing - we need MORAL LEADERSHIP to point out that most tv, movies, books, etc. are CRAP!!! Watch it if you want, but for God's sake don't spend money on it. WHAT IF WE NUKE OURSELVES AND THE ONLY REMNANTS OF CIVILIZATION ARE THE GONG SHOW AND POLICE ACADEMY 4? Really, I'm going to throw a clot or something!
I HAVEN'T EVEN MENTIONED THAT NEIGHBOR'S KID DOWN THE WAY - I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL GOES ON WHEN HIS FOLKS ARE NOT HOME!
WHAT THE @#$% DID THE DRY CLEANERS DO TO MY GOOD SUIT???!!!
WHERE'S THE REMOTE?????!!!!!
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Um, I think I've gone far afield, but I really appreciate your question.
Good luck on your campaign.
2006-10-24 07:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by American citizen and taxpayer 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
good day you're perfect! President Barack Obama. Wow. That feels truly, truly solid. President Barack Hussein Obama. Ahh. That feels perfect! Sounds passable, too! The Repugs have seventy 4 days to exhibit screen. that is sufficient time.
2016-12-05 04:31:12 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds a LOT better than sending the country into trillions of dollars of debt after having inherited a budget surplus from Clinton.
You get my vote!
2006-10-24 06:12:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
You get my vote based on the Hawaiian Punch drinking fountains.... what an EXCELLENT platform.
2006-10-24 06:19:11 · answer #5 · answered by Brooks B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u prick!! you forgot all petrol driven vehicles should hve square wheels, this way we can erradicate 70 percent of o zone gasses which are the causes of global warming, ohh and no fries with the milkshakes in macdonalds,this will help americans to become less fat.
2006-10-24 06:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about a slow and consistent increase in the gas tax to predictably reduce utilization, and therefore decrease our dependence on foreign oil, and reduce greenhouse gasses. Oh- and then with all that extra money- perhaps we can begin to pay off the $8.5T national debt.
2006-10-24 06:12:25 · answer #7 · answered by Morey000 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Who's going to look at the issues when they see your picture? You've got to be much more clean cut before anyone would consider you. No offense intended, just a fact of political life.
2006-10-24 06:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
yea on the Hawaiian Punch and beach ideas!!! The ENTERPRISE would be classic.
2006-10-24 06:14:14 · answer #9 · answered by Zippy the Wonder Slug 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, I haven't been following your campaign, but I do champion Phoenix's response: no pants? What about chaps?
2006-10-24 06:42:56 · answer #10 · answered by catcha22 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋