have any women here been in abusive relationships and?

Question

have you ever changed your mind about going to court after your spouse was arrested?if so how many of you got charged with contempt of court?

Answer 1

i know women who have been abused and it is very confusing. you need to heal yourself. leave him is that's the first thing you have to do. you have to find out the source of allowing abuse. why don't you want to go to court? what's holding you back? why do you think it's okay to get abused? what happened in you childhood that allows for you to get abused? check out this website it might help.

Answer 2

Ah Sweety. If he's really sorry... If he really GETS IT that this is NOT okay then he will plead guilty and take the consequences. The ONLY way to make sure that your spouse will not continue to be abusive is if he takes full responsibility for his actions. That is the first step. Then he needs to re-educate himself through counselling, reading, etc. If the subject of abuse is still the "elephant in your living room" (a subject so huge yet still no body EVER talks about it), then NOTHING has changed. Is he getting counselling? (the cost is not an excuse - besides many communities have free counselling. A local transition house, women's centre, or mental health agency can give you info) Are you able to talk about your session with a stop the violence counsellor and leave information laying out in the open? If you're still tiptoing around the issue then nothing has changed.

If this goes ahead in court, and it is your spouse' first offense, then the most likely thing to happen is that he will be court ordered into counselling. Most areas have specific programs for abusive men and even if the men attend reluctantly, they have a good rate of not reoffending after completing counselling. (An anger management program is not enough without counselling as well).

Most provinces and states have an "automatic charge policy" for relationship violence. In other words, technically it is not YOU who is charging your spouse, it is the government. So it is not up to you whether the charges go ahead or not. You are considered as only a witness. All that being said, you are still the main witness and if you refuse to cooperate then often the case falls apart. And it is not likely that you will be charged with contempt of court. It could happen, but it is unlikely. It really would depend on the exact circumstances of the case: the severity of the assault, past convictions, etc.

Please think about all that I've said. If you still love this man then him getting into a counselling program for abusive men is the best thing you can do for him (and yourself) (and any children now or in the future!). If there is a Victim's Assistance agency near you, please contact them - they are there to answer any questions you have about the court system and to support you while you go through the process. But no matter what you decide, please talk to a worker from a transition house.

Keep safe.

Answer 3

I teach children whose mothers were abused. If you have to have your spouse arrested even once, you should not change your mind about going to court. Abusers need to be brought to court so they will not abuse again. To let them off the hook once, is to allow them to believe they can get away with it over and over....many do. This is so damaging to women and children. Get some self-esteem and do not allow any man to treat you like a punching bag! You should be charged with contempt of court of you don't stand up and do what's right. Get counseling and find out why you allow a man to control you. You deserve better. Let the courts help you, if you won't move out and help yourself.

Answer 4

My bestfriend went through that. She didn't get charged with contempt of court though. They did tell her that she better get her stuff together or would be treated like a hostile witness. They told her that WITH or WITHOUT her testimony he was going down for what he did, but that if she didn't want them to begin attacking her, then she better stop trying to protect someone who tried to kill her.

She cooperated, but like a fool, went to see him every weekend for the three years he was in prison. Then let him come live with her when he came home. Though he never put his hands on her again, he DID emotionally and verbally abuse her to NO END. Playing mind games so badly that I'm shocked that she didn't lose her mind.

The only good that came from it is that now she sees clearly now, and has left him alone for good.

Answer 5

Abused women die every day because police and society as a whole are s-i-c-k to death of women who don't follow through and go to court. Why should cops take us seriously if, every time the man is arrested, we say, "Oh but I don't want to testify against him. I just l-o-v-e him so much. He said he's sorry and I think he is..." Blah, blah and blah. Every single time he hits you and gets away with it, he will reach for a higher level of abuse. I lived with a wife beater and was very lucky to get away with my life. Grow a backbone, stop being weak, stand up for yourself and show this bully he CAN NOT beat you and get by with it.

Answer 6

I have been abused? You have to look at the abusers character. That is usually just how they are. That is their character. That is how he was raised. He needs to see what and who he is and want to change. You cannot change him youself. He needs a lot of help (counseling). I pressed charges against my husband but the Sherrif's department didn't do anything.

Answer 7

yes I have been in it. And no i didnt change my mind about court after it. It helped in many many ways.

Answer 8

Nope, I went thru with it. You will be charged tho nowadays.

Answer 9

I HAVE. NEVER HAD THE JERK ARRESTED, SHOULD HAVE.