Does my husband really mean it? Does he love me?

Question

During arguments my husband tells me that he is tired and done with me and that he will be gone by the end of the month. We end up making up or putting the argument behind us and when I ask him if he really meant what he said he always says that he said it out of anger. Its been said so many times I am beginning to believe it and thinking that he doesn't care or even love me.

Answer 1

everyone says things out of anger. Believe him when he said he said it out of anger becuase if it was true he would have already left you. also ASk him to not say it again. Tell him that it hurts you very much and that yoru starting to believe it. Don't attack him just tell him it bothers you and you would appreiciate him to understand you . Next itme he doesn't say it in a fight tell him thanks for not saying it . good luck

Answer 2

You two need to learn to fight fair. The first part of fighting fair is asking yourselves whether what you're arguing about is going to matter a year from now. If the answer is no, move on. The second is to refrain from saying something you will regret, i.e. his not loving you. The third is to never bring up fights from the past. If you have forgiven him something, let it be.
As for his telling you consistently whenever you are having trouble that he is ready to leave and he doesn't love you anymore, I would see this as a sign that whenever the going gets tough, your husband gets running. I would seek counseling for this because it's beyond wrong of him to treat you like you're expendible. You are his wife, and the vows he took at your wedding stated "for better or worse, in good times and in bad." He doesn't seem to want to stick by them. It sounds like he's only loving you when you're "lovable" which is convenient for him. Love should be unconditional, not just when you look, feel, and act your best. Have a talk with him, and tell him how much it hurts you when he tells you these things. If he can't seem to stop, turn it around on him. Do the same thing. If that doesn't work either, hold him to it. At the end of the month, set his stuff at the curb. Tell him you are tired of being treated like this and you will not stand for his nastiness any longer. Period.
One final thought: If you act like a doormat, people will treat you like one.

Answer 3

I think this happens with a lot of people. But it should be unacceptable because it is just changing the subject. Have you tried couple's counseling? I'm sure they will have ways to teach you both how to communicate your feelings better, in a way that sticks to the subject and is not insulting. My husband and I have said those things, too and it never feels good. We try to stick to the subject now and if things start getting out of hand, we stop and take a little time for ourselves before we say something we will regret.

Answer 4

K i have had the same thing happen to me so i know what you feel. I believe he does love you!! I ask my husband that to and sometimes i feel he doesnt mean it. All i do is go day by day and if anything happens i guess it happens not necessarily for the best or worst. Stick it out for a while and see what happens if this keeps going on take him up on what he says and go with it. Maybe if he realizes that you are unhappy he will change and you both will be happy. Good Luck!!

Answer 5

He doesn't mean it. Some people have so much anger in them that might be from work or bills and the first thing they take it out on is there love ones. He just gets so upset he really don't know what to do and except saying the first thing that comes out of his mouth. Its not that he wanting to leave you, but to leave the problems that you guys are having behind. But make him sit down with you and really talk thing out. Cause one of these days he going to say it and you might be the one to walk out.
Talk is the best thing to do, even if it take 30 min to 3 days.. Just talk !!!!

Answer 6

People say things they don't mean sometimes. But how often do you argue? If it's several times a week, I'd be considering marriage counseling before things get worse. Does your husband treat you with respect and dignity when you aren't arguing? Does he treat you like the maid or like a partner? If you can answer those questions, you'll know if you mean very much to him.

Answer 7

Your husband is acting very immature. When you are not arguing, sit him down and explain to him that such talk is non productive. Go to counseling to find out how to communicate. He knows he scares you by saying things like that. Tell him that you are going to the store to buy an extra pillow. Explain that he will need to stuff it in his pants so the door doesn't hurt him hitting him in the *** the next time he gets the urge to say that again.

Answer 8

i think he love you but as an anger problem,
see you hurt him so he's trying to hurt you back
so now he knows you'll stop it to want to kept him
so he's playing you with that one,it's a form of control.
try the reverse spychollogy, tell hi you'll be hurt and you
love him but he can go if he want....lol...that will put a sock
in it for a while....in any argument you have there always a way
to settle thing and make you're relationship healthy instead
of trying to control the other one........

take care
isabelle

Answer 9

Yes he does care otherwise he would be gone.....He loves you, sometimes people say things they don't really mean out of anger....If he should say it again, just tell him to get the heck out now don't wait til the end of the month.....Because he is giving you the torture treatment...Dont argue with him

Answer 10

Yikes!!! My opinion on that subject is.... People say things out of anger that they have thought about and are too chicken to tell someone to their face. That is my point of view anyhow. I would sit him down and ask him to not argue anymore and walk away until the both of you are cooled down before it is too late, and you can not forgive all the lovely things he says out of anger... Good Luck!!