My father passed away this year and my mom was so close to him. Since that happened, my mom has become very child like and wants to move in with me and my boyfriend. My mom is not sick or anything...she works full time and is financially independent. I am not sure how to handle the situation. Since she is alone now she wants me to be her best friend and she wants to come see me every weekend. I already some spend time with her doing things like movies, shopping, etc... I can't help feeling that she wants to take over my life since growing up she was very over protective and intrusive, even until I left home at 20. Am I being selfish? I can't figure it out since I am still grieving my father's death as well. Family matters are just so complicated. I love my family, but I just feel like I need time to do my own thing and work on a career. If my mom were to move in with me she would have the whole place running according to her strict religious rules. Any opinions are welcome!
2006-10-24 05:38:23 · 4 answers · asked by What_A_Gass 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
You are not being selfish. If your mother were to move in with you, eventually as you say, she would be in control and it would become difficult then to ask her to leave.
But also, your mother has to learn independence and if she moved in with you she may never develop a life for herself.
Explain to her gently, that you need your own space. Be kind but quite firm. Then go on to talk about ways she might find life more comfortable. Discuss what things she enjoys doing and maybe she can think about taking that small first step.
Visit her when you can, but please don't be a martyr here, if there'ss a time you can't or really do not want to visit then don't.
You see the thing is, if you set a pattern of visiting, your mother will come to rely on that and it will be hard to change this.
Also when you visit, you could do it on a different day at a different time and say you need to go and see a friend afterwards so that is your escape clause.
It's not that I'm advocating being mean to your mum, but you need to start off how you mean to go on. Your mother too will have a better chance at independence if she doesn't have you to lean on.
Use telephone calls to check she is okay and invite her over when you can but if there's other things you want to do on a particular weekend then give her fore warning.
You are both grieving and have to find a new way of living without your dad......focus on supporting your mum to do this...achieving a new life of her own.
Best wishes.
2006-10-24 06:48:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that poor woman. I am so sorry for her loss as well as yours. You should be there for her since you are her daughter and all, but, the moving in thing, oh no. It will most likely ruin the relationship you have with your boyfriend and possibly change the relationship you have with your mother. I understand the hard time for both of you, but to move on in a healthy manner, you must be there for each other but live separately. Let her know you will always be there for her and that you love her dearly, but she has to understand it would be best for both of you to get through this in your own way. I really think if she depends too much on you now, it will delay her ever moving on. My best to you and your mother.
2006-10-24 05:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by june clever 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep doing things with your Mom, but don't let her move in with you. You won't be doing her any favors, nor yourself. Find her a support group or widows group that meet weekly. She needs friends and an outlet. Suggest going to family counseling together. Let your Mom know how much you love her. Maybe it's hard for her to be in the house she shared with your Dad, if that's the case help her find a small, homey apartment. Good Luck.
2006-10-24 05:48:25 · answer #3 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no longer extremely, no. My thoughts in simple terms get harm when I get bodily harm, (extremely,extremely harm alongside with getting hit no longer subject-free in a mushy section or some style of extensive gash on my arm) i don't sense soreness whilst somebody verbally assaults me, I do in simple terms no longer care approximately different persons's evaluations approximately me. I additionally don't sense soreness via seeing others go through, alongside with those of my own relatives. i'm in simple terms the form of individual who dosen't sense for others.
2016-12-16 13:35:18 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋