Update..Please Help...?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. When we first met, we both drank on occassion. Though he was never an acoholic by any means, he chose to refrain from drinking for religious reasons. I still have a cocktail or a glass of wine every now and then and come from a family who drinks occassionally.
3 yrs ago when he decided to stop drinking he slowly began imposing his views on me. To compromise, i stopped drinking at home and don't keep alcohol in the house. My inlaws live overseas and r VERY influential. They are also here visiting for 1 month. As a kind gesture my parents decided they would come visit the inlaws for a couple days. My husband tells me that my family must refrain from drinking in OUR home out of respect for his religion (same religion..i don't practice though). The situation has led to an "ultimatum"..i must choose between my family or him. Y can't he just turn a blind eye to it for 2 days? Its embarassing for me. I don't want to hurt my family

I'm not an exccessive drinker at all! I just want my parents to feel comfortable in my home and i want to have a drink w/ them at dinner. I miss that. I only see them once a year! If I ask them not to drink..they would respect that. The reason i refuse to do so is because i don't want to submit to my husbands every rule. I've already compromised...why can't he! Jesus, My inlaws have been in my house for over 1 month now...invading my space, making a mess, and i'm constantly picking up after them. I only put up w/ it because i know how sensitive people are when it comes to family and i don't want to hurt my husbands feelings by telling him his parents are slobs. I think I deserve some respect in return! It's OUR home. To assume that i'm choosing alcohol over our marriage is ridiculous on his part. An ultimatum is unreasonable. I think it's a control issue. Is it worth ending a marriage over this?

Answer 1

Well, religion is a delicate subject. Many people become really intolerant. This isn't even a question of drinking anymore, it's a matter of whether or not you can ultimately co-exist with a controlling and intolerant person such as your husband is becoming. If you are wholeheartedly committing to being with him - I'm afraid you will have to respect his wishes, at least in your home. Surely you can explain to your family that you would really like to refrain from drinking when they visit - I don't think it's going to create a problem; if they posess any social graces at all, they shouldn't have any problem respecting this boundary, especially if it's only a couple of days. In this particular situation, you do not need to "choose" between him or them - all you have to do is to ask them to be sensitive to your husband's convictions. However, if you feel generally resentful for him "imposing" his convictions on you - you probably need to seriously evaluate your relationship; resentment will lead you nowhere. Joint counseling might help, or coming to some sort of a compromise where neither of you feel bitter or unhappy with the situation.

Answer 2

This is not as hard as you may think it is, When you walked down the alsie with your guy and decided to be his wife, that was for the good times as well as the bad times, when we get married we sometimes feel like, we have to make exceptions for others while they do not have to do the same thing, Your husband and you have decided to keep drinking out of your home, so this does mean, your family have to respect that as well, Let's say that your husband or you are a smoker right? and your parents do not allow smoking in their home, now when you go to visit for a couple of days, do you feel like they know that you smoke and they shouldlet you smoke in their home for those two days? Of course not, with saying that, there should be no questions here, it's called respect, you should not have to choose between your husband & your parents, your parents should understand how you & your husband feels about this, regardless if they think the same way, you are married and an adult, they will understand if you state it as an wife setting rules for her home and her husband's wises........I hope this helps more then hurt....Good Luck...........................

Answer 3

I must say your husband is a bit extreme!
I guess you have no choice other than to follow his rule. However, if you still want to challenge his position, explain to him to stop treating your social drinking habits like a crime! I suspect that you are not an acoholic person and like to treat yourself with a glass of nice wine or two occasionally? Or tell your husband that you wont drink at home anymore but if you are outside or restaurant with your family, you would like to have access to have cocktails. It is about give and take. If he wont give in, then you will know that he is a control type and it is up to you to make your own discreation about your marriage.
What does he feel if you ask him to leave his religion?!

Answer 4

What makes you think your family is going to drink in your house? What is up with your hubby and drinking? There is nothing wrong with an occassional drink or two. Your husband has some issues he needs to deal with. Using religion to control your household has made things miserable. It only goes down hill from here. Imposing his views on you is a form of control. I suspect he has some anger towards you. Best you two get this talked out and worked through or you are in for a miserable future.

Answer 5

You and your husband have to respect each others' wishes...religious or other. Your family needs to understand. Do they need to drink so badly that they can't take a couple of days off from it? That is a concern. If I were in your situation, I would support my husband's wishes. If your parents are respectable, they will not have a problem with it. Your husband should come before anyone else, other than God, of course. It's my opinion...I hope it helps.

Answer 6

You have to respect not only your house together but his religion. Think about it like this, there are family members of mine who smoke and the cannot smoke when they come to my house at all. Not only because I don't like the smoking but my baby has asthma. When people are married you have to compromise. My suggesstion is when your family comes to visit you guys go out and do your drinking (and make sure you have a designated driver). At least when you are out you can have fun drinking without worrying about your husband.

Answer 7

Can't YOU refrain from drinking for days out of respect for him and them? To quote your own words, "Can't you turn a blind eye to it for 2 days? It's embarrassing for HIM". You shouldn't want to hurt him or HIS family! Good grief, the world will not end if you don't have a drink. Or will it? Are you an alcoholic and can't do without??

Answer 8

Simply explain to your family that there is no drinking in your house. They will understand. If they don't then that's their problem. They can always go out for a drink later.

In our house, we usually share a bottle of wine on Saturday nights with dinner. My parents have friends who are Mormons, and out of respect for them, when we invite them for dinner, we don't serve wine or any other type of alcohol. It doesn't bother anyone. And if it does, then too bad. Go somewhere else to drink.

Answer 9

You own that home too! He doesn't have to drink if he doesn't want to. If he's willing to give up 6 yrs of marriage over this, then isn't it going against his religion? Didn't he commit to stay with you through good and bad??? Does it say if you and your family have drinks at my home it's ok to leave you??? Shove it right back in his face!!! Best of luck with it!

Answer 10

if the two of you have agreed that there will be no alcohol in the house, then I am sure your family can respect that. I don't see that as him making you choose between him and your family. if your family has a problem with that then they really don't respect your husband, or you for that matter, and don't need to be welcome in the house.