My husband and I have been seperated for almost 6 months now. We both agreed we are going through with the divorce, we have just not actually got it yet, mostly becasue we are too busy (we both work a lot and I am also taking care of our 3 year old and 5 month old). I met someone, I wasn't looking, it just happened. Before I went any further with this man I spoke with my husband one final time and asked if he was absolutely positive he wanted to be done and go through with the divorce. He said without a doubt yes. So me and this other man are now going out and I finally told my husband and he is so jealous and mad and says that what I am doing is so wrong. I feel bad now, but I honestly felt like we were as good as divcorced. FYI...we seperated when I kicked him out because of being physically and emotionally abusive to me and sometimes in front of our children.
2006-10-24 05:10:24 · 50 answers · asked by me me me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
technically and legally it is cheating because you are married and apparently you yourself have some reservations because the question and explanation itself indicate you have doubt about something.
physical and emotional abuse are not good but also using busy as an excuse for not finishing a divorce is just that an excuse
ask yourself two things what is the real reason for putting off the divorce?
and two if you are so done since you put him out why did you ask him or let him know you were dating? i think on some unconscious level you still want your marriage and that is okay too --
really figure out what you want and where you are headed before you pull this guy into your triangle because you are still his wife
good luck
2006-10-24 06:05:56 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would hardly consider this cheating, you are as good as divorced anyway and your husband would probably make a similar fuss even if you were divorced simply because he is insecure. Even though I don't really consider it cheating I do still side with him on it being wrong. You are still married regardless of seperation, and unless you both agree to see other people during a seperation you are still contracted to be exclusive to one another despite everything else. My advice is too set aside some time ASAP and get this divorce over with and you won't have to feel any guilt whatsoever about being with another guy.
You can make up your own mind as to what you want to do, just because something is wrong doesn't mean you have to stop. If you stop seeing the other guy until the divorce is over with you may risk losing him, and your husband may postpone the divorce just to make sure you don't find happiness with another guy.
Best Wishes.
2006-10-24 05:36:27 · answer #2 · answered by Justaguyinaplace 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not cheating. Do not feel bad.. You gave
him an opportunity to reconcile(why I don't know after abuse) but you did and he didn't want it.
He is responsible for his actions which brought this whole thing on.
You should not wait to proceed with the divorce.. You are never too busy and it would be better to finalize everything in case something develops with this new man.
It can put a strain on a relationship with all the hassles of one member getting a divorce and problems arising. You have done more than most people would by asking him a second time. Get on with your life....
2006-10-24 05:27:13 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunantly you are still cheating because you are not divorced. Eventhough you guys are separeted. And you did not specify if it was a legal separation. I don't understand why your husband is jealous if he is 100% positive he wants to go through with the divorce. But at any rate you need to go ahead and make time and get the divorce. I know it can be unpleasant but once you are divorced then you have nothing holding you back from seeing anyone. Good Luck.
2006-10-24 05:24:28 · answer #4 · answered by Marie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a very good question. I am going through almost the same thing. My husband and I are in the process of a divorce. He was unfaithful for a long time. I struggled with the decision to leave him. My friends, family, and even our Pastor, who we tried marriage counseling with, told me I was justified in leaving. However, I still didn't leave until one night, I just knew I was done. We have been separated for about six months and our divorce is in the works. He does what he wants, even a new girlfriend. Like you, I met someone when I wasn't even looking. I wasn't sure if I was ready to date. I was afraid I would be talked about and worse, my family and Pastor would be disappointed in me. Surprisingly, everyone has been supported and are just happy to see someone positive in my life. Start out slow. And just have fun. Your ex, like mine, is just jealous. He wouldn't be paying you any mind if he thought that you were at home worrying about him. Good luck girl!!!!
2006-10-24 05:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany A 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on having the courage to get rid of the husband. It's not an easy thing to do when you have kids especially. The fact that you have found someone else is a good thing. I would not consider this cheating as you and him have agreed it is over. What are you suppose to do just sit at home and be depressed? I say whatever feels right to you. Just keep your kids out of it until you're sure it is a long term relationship. It will be confusing enough for them for the first little while. Good Luck!
2006-10-24 05:15:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Okay you and I are in the same exact situation (except I am still living with my soon-to-be-ex... as roommates)...what you are doing is NOT cheating. I don't understand why you told your husband, but of course he's gonna be jealous. My husband started dating a long time before I started to meet new people...he would even come home and tell me about his problems LOL...anyhow, I am not dating anyone (I won't date anyone until I am legally divorced) but I will meet new people (he thinks I am dating and doesn't believe me...oh well...doesn't matter, another topic)...Anyhow, the bottom line is you are both separated, you may have not filed for divorce yet but your marriage is over...once your husband finds someone else he won't feel that way...atleast you were able to kick him out...sorry that you were abused (no one deserves that, male or female)...I wish you all the best and remember you are not doing anything wrong.
The only thing I would be worried about is, if and when you go to court, he may use this against you to get custody of your children for having an affair...for that reason alone, I wouldn't have said anything...Good-luck
2006-10-24 05:16:17 · answer #7 · answered by poker_fan_in_nyc 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
...which is why it's always best to be divorced FIRST. I won't date anyone who is separated - they must be legally divorced. People going through a divorce are often emotional and don't know exactly what/how they are feeling. In your case - you told him - you were separated and he agreed (at first) so not exactly cheating - however I can also understand his changing his mind...we are all kerplunked emotionally while going through divorce...sounds like both of you are and my heart goes out to you. I don't think though you did anything wrong hon..you asked him - you were separated..and you are going through it emotionally as well. The upside is the once the divorce is granted and some time has passed - it will all be behind you.
Good luck
2006-10-24 05:14:49 · answer #8 · answered by svmainus 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are doing nothing wrong. I had the same problem i wont get into details. My feelings are i am as good as divorced and when it goes through me and my significant other can get married as planned. I am living with him and the two children (long story are both his) Some mistakes went along the way but other than that. My husband ended up leaving and i havent even talked to him since earlier this year. I feel no guilt and neither should you.
2006-10-24 05:14:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It really doe not matter if I think it is cheating or not. The 3 things that matter are:
1) Do you feel it is cheating? You have to live with your decisions especially in your heart.
2) Will the court see this as wrong- can you say "CUSTODY battle"?
3) Do you think this will effect your children- they are the most important thing in your life at this moment so is this healthy and worth it?
I hope all goes well with you... good luck and it was good you got out of an abusive relationship...
2006-10-24 05:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by P!ss Ant 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋