My husband and I seem to have nothing in common anymore. I want to move to another state and he does not want to move. Things seem to be his way or no way at all and I am so sick and tired of it. I know that marriage is supposed to about compromise, but it just doesn't exist in our marriage when it comes to the bigger issues.
He's only 32, he lost his drive someonewhere along the way. I just don't get it and I am starting to hate him for it.
I feel like I need to pick up and go without him.
He thinks I won't leave, b/c he thinks I'm "comfortable". Little does he know...
It may seem petty, but when someone does not acknowledge or care that that the things you want to do in life is important, it's very hard.
2006-10-24 05:06:58 · 20 answers · asked by hrmom02 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow Flagger! Maybe someone said that you also have a lack of motivation and you feel the need to take it out on me.
Due to lack of space and time, I did not feel the need to provide a dissertation on when and where we plan to move.
My plan is to leave and move on with my life. I was hoping that he and I could do it together, but since it's not an option then so be it.
2006-10-24 05:53:08 · update #1
Tell him honestly how you feel about him . If he doesn't change or care about you. Leave him because if you don't have child. It's difficult to live with someone you don't like.
2006-10-24 05:12:03 · answer #1 · answered by psmom2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really kind of answered your question with your details. Why go to another state though? Perhaps he has good reasons for not wanting to move, not the least of which, moving is a pain. He lost his drive for what? What do you not have now that you wish you did? Why not go get it yourself rather than wait for someone else to do it for you? Husband he may be, but slave he is not. Realize that for most men, we get things for women. I heard a quote once, "if men could get laid living in cardboard boxes, that's what we'd live in." Point is, don't give the guy such a hard time. One: Why move? Being chased by the mafia or something? Think things are better someplace else? News flash, life sucks everywhere. Sure it's fun and new for awhile, but whatever you're running from is going to come with you both. It's on the inside. If where you live sucks so much...then no one would be living there. Two: If you want something in life, go get it. Don't think it's his responsibility to get you whatever you're wanting. Own that it's your choice, go get a job, or change jobs or whatever you need to do to attain the things you'd like.
2006-10-24 05:20:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's 32 and presumably working. You want to pick up and go to another state, why? Because he has no drive?
You need to leave him but not for yourself but to do him a favor.
How can you possibly expect him to pick up and move with no apparent plan. Where do you want to go? Where are you going to live? How are you going to pay for it? What job will you find when you get there?
When did your current circumstance become insufficient?
From this seat you sound flighty, shallow and confused.
Maybe he is sick and tired of your bad attitude and understands that you do not have the backbone to leave and make your own way. As for his drive it may have been lost dealing with your attitude. Let me guess you have never used the "we need to change", "you're not ambitious", " you just don't care about us ( read ME)" lines we've all heard.
Maybe he does not think your wants are important because they aren't.
Grow Up.
2006-10-24 05:37:27 · answer #3 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you "feel like" you need to pick up and go without him, it would be wise for you to know that feelings are temporary and go up and down like the weather. That is common in marriage; however, marriage was designed to be a commitment. I always say "Life is not always about me." If you could, write 10 things I love about my husband each and every day. Have you tried activities like bowling, scrapbooking, etc. that would help you get out. I hate where I live every single day of my life, but being a Christian and having the confidence this is where God wants me for right now, helps ease the pain. Hang in there with your marriage. Proverbs 31 in the Scripture says this "The heart of her husband does safely trust in her (the wife). He does not really need to think you might leave, because if you are married...
you will stay with him (unless he is beating up on you)
2006-10-24 05:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by flowers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your problem. Your husband is doing all he can to support his family. This is how men show their love. Yet, you are within your right to need his love and attention. Type of approach is what will make the difference. When he gets home and whines about his day, show him some understanding, rub his back, then you can say something like this to him, "hun, I admire so much of how hard you work for me and the baby, so much so that I want to make one day out of the week family day for relaxation". Then on that day ask him what he would want to do.or make suggestions. Make it fun not demanding for him to make love or perform in anyway. Start by renting a movie, or a picnic at the park, a bicycle ride, a hike, even fly a kite, or a nice long walk, even a swim. Their are many things to do. The thing is to re-connect again as friends. The reconnection will bring back the closeness and the love making. Good luck to you!
2016-05-22 07:13:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey you reflect the state of so many women all over the world. We do need some care, loving and acknowledgement.
The truth is always bitter, but i suggest you guys see a marriage counsellor. Before doing that, have a serious talk with your husband and sort things out. If there is no light in sight then take this to the next level and visit a counsellor.
Good luck.
2006-10-24 05:15:07 · answer #6 · answered by freshlimesoda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really sounds like something that couple counseling would be need for and not something that can be answered through yahoo. Im not sure how long ya'll have been married for, but the fact that he has no drive sounds like he might be depressed. Men also get irritable and arent willing to compromise when they are depressed because they need to feel like a man. I should know, I grew up with a dad who was depressed. They may not seem like it but it's a very delicate state. But if it's not depression, it could be something else. Try your best to find out how he feels and what is going on. and try to get him to a professional for your marriage's sake.
2006-10-24 05:14:20 · answer #7 · answered by Angela P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard. Men go through this. One way to get your point across is to go get lots of boxes and start packing. He will take the hint but you Need to be wiling to deal with the consequences of how he will react it could mean the end of your marriage. You may also want to do some marriage counseling if you want to save this relationship
2006-10-24 05:11:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm where you are. I'm trying to rekindle what we once had. We've had counseling, but that didn't seem to work. We had to decide if we were going to become separated or work on our marriage. The great thing is after all of the drama, it turned out that we still wanted to the same things. So now we have one date a month to discuss any issues and to be romantic. it's working so far. Try it.
2006-10-24 05:11:46 · answer #9 · answered by T W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you are sick and tired of it and the longer you stay the worse it will be and life is to short to wait for someone to change only time in your eyes will know if your marriage is to end but if you feel it in your heart as much as it hurts let go and move on and make yourself happy. you deserve it
2006-10-24 05:19:11 · answer #10 · answered by vomissie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋