We just bicker at each other because we can't communicate no matter how much we try. He is not comfortable talking and hardly does. He makes me angry and I nag him. Then he calls me names and yells. Then we say we hat each other and thats it. Sometimes I think he doesn't love me. I asked him why he stays with me and he said because of our two young daughters. That hurt. What can i do to try to get along better. I have depression and am on Paxil. He doesn't believe in depression.
2006-10-24 04:58:30 · 24 answers · asked by Erin L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you look for the worst part of someone you will always find it. The same is true when searching for their better half.
Has he ever been comfortable talking?
If no then accept it as part of his character.
If he was able to talk at one time then just let him know you are there and when he's ready he'll start talking.
Some people say more with their actions than they ever say with words.
Try enjoying each other and don't worry about communicating it will happen when it needs to happen.
2006-10-24 05:44:22 · answer #1 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Erin i really understand a lot. I had and sometimes stiil have communication problem with my husband. But all i can say is dont listen who says that you guys are not for eachother or the marriage its over. I am sorry to read all this mean things that people are writing you. They are just putting you down and the are not helping to find the right answer. All i can say is to listen what Scuba Guy wrote you because are true things. Love is a choise and doesnt exsist the perfect one because remember anyone can disappoint you and not just your husband. Dont give up to your marriage. Try to go to see someone that can help you and your husband. Dont believe him when he tells you that is with you only because the children. I am sure he says that because he is very frustrated just like you. I say mean things to my husband too and i say it when i am mad and not because i feel in that way. What i can tell you try to talk without getting on eachother nerves. Do you want to know how? Dont say things that he doesnt do for you but let him know the good things that he does. Bring up good things of the past. Have positive thought. Dont let yourself be depress. You are a mother and your kids need you and you need to give them the good example!! I know dear its hard but if others can do it, you can do it too. I am 22 years old and i still have a lot to learn from life. Believe in your marriage Erin! Dont give up!!! For yourself and for your children.Good luck !
2006-10-24 06:14:39 · answer #2 · answered by sweety 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have depressiom because your in a bad relationship.
Has this man always treated you bad? Does he vervally abuse you? This is not healthy for you or your kids.
You have only one of two choices:
Get help to work things out. Therapist, pastor, marriage counseling.
Leave him and move one with your life.
I dont like to jump to divorce especially when kids are involved but it takes two persons to save a marriage. If he is apathetic, lazy, or does not love you enough to care then he wont try. It sounds like he is intentionally trying hurt you and you dont do that when you care about someone.
For your health and the mental health of your kids you need to do something soon. If he will not go to counseling with you start secretly planning your escape (save money, move in with relatives temporarily, have a job lined up etc). Make sure you set a date and stick to it. Just move out but tell him you want to remain friends and you want him to be a part of his kids life. Just tell him you are not getting along and you need to move out.
This will get his attention. Do it anyway. Remember that if there is still love there you can always get back together, if not move on. Keep open to him but dont give him your emotional or physical attention.
Just see where it goes. At this point you dont need to rush into a divorce, wait it out. No one should be unhappy and abused.
2006-10-24 05:11:14 · answer #3 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well nagging isn't going to do it. You need to realize that people are who they are. You really can't change somone else. He needs to do the same.
I personally think that once you have kids you are together till they leave. You need to try to make the situation as cival as possible. If he isn't talking, maybe he just doesn't have things to say. And if he is being polite or at least neutral at the same time maybe you should give him the space.
2006-10-24 05:05:18 · answer #4 · answered by Alex 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you have to be more understanding of one another [you of his poor communication skills and he of your depression].
Also, you need to seek marriage counseling because the two of you will not change unless a professional helps you out.. the truth is a relationship isn't much without communication and that is what you two are lacking.
2006-10-24 05:04:17 · answer #5 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope for the sake of your 2 young daughters you don't fight like that in front of them. They don't deserve to see their parents at constant war. I say seeing as how you're on paxil keep seeking counsel. Try and get hubby involved in your couseling if not, at least you are doing so for yourself. Fix you, if he can't fix himself than it is time to go your separate ways before dragging down your 2 daughters. Work out an agreement before hand with custody arrangements and explain to your girls you still love their daddy, it's just for the best to be apart for now. I hope this helps and please don't fight in front of your children.
2006-10-24 05:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by odessa2469 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need more than Paxil. You have an insensitive husband who doesn't recognize your illness! He married you "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health." He may need reminded of that. But maybe it's too late. Take your girls and leave him if he won't go to counseling with you. That will wake him up!
2006-10-24 05:01:26 · answer #7 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With the exception of the Paxil thing, your relationship sounds like it has a lot in common with my relationship with my wife. Sorry to hear that. Really.
2006-10-24 05:53:38 · answer #8 · answered by insomniac_abroad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to hear about your situation, When my wife and I got married, we both agreed that communication was the most important thing that brung us together. And we still communicate, now, we do it in various ways, like crosswords together, trivia together, watching a certain program together, or just going to shows, but we never stop talking, and that is very important in a relationship.
2006-10-24 05:02:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has just as many emotional problems as you do, if not more. If you really want to stay together, then you two need to, together, go to some major marital counseling. If he refuses, then just get divorced. He is the one beyond help. Dont blame yourself. And dont stay together because of children. They can survive with divorced parents. Trust me, I am a child of divorced parents.
2006-10-24 05:05:43 · answer #10 · answered by trumpetgal_1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋