How did you feel about having a 2nd baby?

Question

I would like to have a 2nd child - my daughter is 13 months so she would probably be about 2 when her brother or sister would be born. Sometimes I really want to have another baby and sometimes I feel guilty, like it would be unfair to my daughter because she wouldn't ahve all of the attention she does now. I know it sounds crazy but has anyone else felt like this?

Answer 1

Your feelings are very valid. I assure you that your child will be happy either way. As a mother of 4 and one more on the way..It is much easier to handle than you think. When the second one came along, the first one was 2 1/2 and was a bit jealous and angry...but after a while, she adjusted to her new little brother and found that it was quite nice to have somone to play with that was on her own level. Granted they argue and sometimes it is difficult...but it is worth it. My youngest is going to be 9 in Feb. and I am 7 months pregnant. So our next, and final one will be more like an only child and part of me feels bad for that, but she will be very lucky to have older siblings to play with her and buy her stuff and take her places too!
Good Luck! :)

Answer 2

I am about to have my second (any day now would be nice)! This was not a planned second, but happy about it all the same. My daughter just turned three and I think that there will be a good age difference between them. My daughter is old enough to understand what is happening and she does not need all of the help from me that she use to, she is more independent now. At first when I found out I was pregnant, I felt how you feel now. I didn't feel it was really fair to my daughter, I always thought I would have another one but not till she was at least 5. My thinking has changed a little now. My daughter will have a sister close enough in age with her to play with and hang out with and I think that as they both get older, they will enjoy having each other and it will be a little less lonely for my daughter than being an only child. I have three sisters and I love them dearly, we are very close to each other. One is 1and 1/2 years younger than me and the other is 3 and 1/2 years younger than me (the third is 9 and 1/2 years younger than me quiet an age difference) but I am close to all of them and us three older ones are close enough in age that we share just about everything and have just about everything in common, it is nice. I hope that my daughters will have the same feelings. My sisters also love my daughter and help me with babysitting (which is another nice thing about having a sibling)! No matter what the age difference between siblings I think there are always pros and cons.

Answer 3

I am nearly 3 months pregnant and my daughter is 13 months old. I go up and down! I think sometimes, I can't love anyone else like her, so how will I feel about this baby? I wanted them close, everything, including research shows that 2 years apart is perfect developmental wise. I still feel sometimes like I am letting her down, or that this new baby won't get to have the love I feel for her. My mom and aunts all say they felt the same, but even though the love is slighty different with your first born, you love your second just as much, it just takes longer in the pregnancy or not until the birth to feel that way. Plus, I know my husband and I are in for a balancing act, making sure the two are loved and have everything they need, but we will do it. And I am sure you can too! Beware...second pregnancy is harder! Plus, instead of hitting the hay early because you're falling asleep during dinner....BUT it's laundry, and picking up toys, baths, packing for day care...it's simply exhausting, but worth it! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I did feel like that, so that's why I waited until my daughter is 4 by the time I have my baby. She just turned 4, i'm due in a few months with #2. she's at the age where she understands what it means to have a brother or sister, so she's pretty excited about it. Knowing that, it made it easier to have a 2nd baby.

Answer 5

I planned my second child right down to the due date...

My first one was a lot different. He get's jealous, he feels badly sometimes, but I see that because I look and we always talk about everything...

They are 7 years apart so... I deal with one as a child and one as a young adult. They fight, they kill each other over nothing but they are brothers and they love the heck out of each other.

Ever watch the Dog Whisperer? (Not being funny, Im serious) All of these negative feelings come from very primal places... anamalistic places... The first thing Ceasar says about animals with attitude problems is that the fault is not in the circumstances surrounding the animal, it is in the way that the dominant people in the house project their guilt and their angst over the past...

Children are a lot like that too. If you bring a baby into the world with a sense of guilt. BOTh children will not only pick up on that guilt, but each of them will systematically find a psychological way to use it to torment you and take full advantage of the situation each to their own benefit over the other. So you see, if you feel guilty, you project guilt into their lives and therefore TEACH them to behave accordingly.

My mom had 6 kids... I have 2. We all have more than one kid... You love them each and all differently as each of them is unique. Im sure that there is plenty of love to go around and all you have to do is deal with each of them as what they are and not try and always be "Fair." and always equal. Honesty and openness is the best policy in my home!

Answer 6

Never. Well that's not exactly true. When things get overwhelming I think "that's it! No more kids!". Bu that is short lived when I see the smiles of my 5 and 1 year old sons. My wife and I are due with a third son in Feb. We plan to have at least another if not two more.

You will have enough love for all or your children. There will be an adjustment time for all of you but you will get through it. They all have very different personalities and you will love them differently but in equal amounts. Plus the joy and challenge of having brothers and sisters will engage the children and show them that they need to think of others and not just themselves.

Enjoy parenthood!

Answer 7

I felt the same way that is why I waited 5 yrs from my first to second and now I tend to thing there was good points to that and bad ones also. Plus side was that the older one is in school now and the younger one gets the attention. The first one was more of a help and more dependent. The neg to it was that the first one got used to being the only one and getting all the attention and didn't have a play mate for a while. So there are plus and negs to either way. Trust your instink, and if the time feels right and your stable enough then go for it. Goodluck

Answer 8

don't worry i felt the same exact way u do- but my son is 4yrs old now and i'm on my second baby due in 2 weeks, it's actually easier knowing that my son is older and somewhat understands the whole "big brother" thing. u should wait and see, and u should also try helping ur daughter be a little more independent so that u won't have any problems of jealousy or anger in the long run.

Answer 9

My first born is 2 now and I am due in two months time. It will be hard at first to share the attention but I think it would be great for them to have each other to grow up with. Loving two children should not detract from loving the first just as much as you did before having the second one.

Answer 10

I think that it would be wondeful to have anther child. So that way they can grow up together. It isent bad to want anther child. It is special that you want to share your love with more children. Children are love. your daughter may feel a little upset and jelious at 1st but include her in on somethings that you do, like let her help make the bottles or maybe give you a pillow or cloths for the baby. Also praise her, say baby sis/bro really loves it when you help us. We love you and things like that! My oldest son is 6 years old then I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old so it will seem like your paying to much attnention to one child, but in the end to see them play together, it is much more amazing. She will be ok.