just realized husbands phone sex affairs what would you do?

Question

What would you do if you saw XXX rated text messages on your husbands cell phone. I called the number then went thru the bills and found 840 calls in a 3 month period to and from the same person. He denied this completely. We went to counseling over the summer and he did state that this was the only girl and that he didnt actually do anything wrong. Well last week I just found addtional XXX rated text messages on his cell phone. I called the number and it was a different girl from before. This time I new the girl. We spoke on the phone after I confronted him with this info. She stated that it was somthing that started 4 years ago. He again stated that nothing happened. I think that he is a sex addict or something. I am young 36 and we have two small children. I think that I am ready to leave him. We have only been married for 8 years. What would you do?

Answer 1

He has issues with the TRUTH. He might not be a sex addict. It sounds like he likes the attention that he is getting from these people. I don't know if going into counseling again is the correct answer for you and your husband.

He obviously feels like he can do whatever he wants and not have to deal with the consequences. I am not sure that he has the capability of being faithful. Also, if he has being keeping these kinds of secrets, what other things is he hiding.

I would begin to make plans to leave. Get your finances in order. Find a place to move to and then tell him you are leaving him after you move out. File for divorce and get on with your life.

The sad thing is men like this never change unless something earth shattering hits them hard. My ex-husband was very much like that. He has remarried and is married to a woman who lets him do what he likes. He isn't faithful and doesn't care about his lack of fidelity.

Answer 2

Girl...I feel your pain...you're singing my song.

I was also married for almost 8 years, had one child and am 33 yrs old. Approx 3 yrs into the marriage, I noticed the same thing on our house phone bills. He was hiding the bills, I never knew until our car insurance pymt bounced and it was discovered through getting a copy of our bank records......I won't tell you the fight we had....
In a 1 month time pd, he had accumulated over $800.....
we went to counseling.....
he was good for ALMOST 8 months.....
then within a 1 1/2 monthtime pd, he accumulated $1600 in charges.
He had credit cards I didn't even know about-although they had my name on them..........
he was also doing stuff on the computer.....
bought a web cam, installed it, but never told me....he worked midnights, I worked day, he would be on the phone/computer all day while I was at work-disconnecting the cam before I got home.
Confronted him with the receipt I found for the cam...he was dumb enough to deny it, then I pulled the cam out from behind my back. I showed him the printouts of all his incoming/outgoing emails, I called the phone company and had them dictate back to me EVERY XXX call that was made, 4 of which were on our (at the time) 4 yr old daughters birthday...which I also showed him.
I also confronted him about the FLAVORED condoms in his dresser drawer that WE never used, but kept depleting in qty...not to mention the credit card receipt for a hotel room that I wasn't in...
He fought me --- physically....

Took me 3 years to get the divorce finalized becuase he chose to make it difficult. He also filed bankruptcy b4 the divorce was final, so that has made my credit history fuzzy as well. And once I saw what bills were pushed aside and not paid so that he could keep his sick fetish fed....it was all I could do to not jump off a cliff.

I never thought I could/would trust another man, he made me feel ugly, unloveable and unwanted. And as a mom??? Well "who would want a single mom"
I'm proof that life IS better without all that.
I'm with a WONDERFUL, loving man...honest, trusting, a gentleman, loves my daughter as his own....AND HE'S TOTALLY COMPUTER ILLITERATE!!!! LOL We've been together for 4 years and are planning our wedding.

PLEASE...if you even THINK that you are ready to leave, that means you ARE ready. The children will be so much better for it, as will you. They don't need to see/feel the tension within the home or find out what kind of "freakish" tendencies their father has. And you deserve so much more as a woman, a mother and as a person.

Answer 3

You can't ask us what we would we do because we are not in your shoes. Your marriage hit a bump and right know your are running away from your marriage problems rather than trying to fix the problems. If your husband is a sex addict then maybe you should seek some help for him. However, he has to be willing to want help because if he is not, then it is useless. If there is no change or progress then I think you should consider a divorce. Yes you made vows "for better or for worse", but If the "for worse" doesn't get better, maybe splitting is for the better. Your children shouldn't be exposed to that kind of environment. Hope it gets better.

Answer 4

Well if you have been to counseling and this has not helped and your family has not suffered from the cost of the calls and you want to keep the family together then flip the switch find something you enjoy and spend money weather it be calls to,week-end excursions take time out from him,or join his addiction to pull him out ,you become the his sex object on the phone,call him ! leave provocative messages on his phone see if he is telling the truth of just liking phone sex and not physical or just leave him if you cannot stand it because in all of this the children is the most important thing

Answer 5

Was he remorseful when you confronted him? If so its worth the marriage...it probably gives him an escape from the family life. Try role playing like calling him when he is not around the house...when he is running errands and do your own XXX rated calls....so he starts remembering you as some sexual thing. It might be hard it first but its worth an 8 year marriage. .... And he does love you if all he has done is listen to phone sex and did not commit the act ..... Try building it into your relationship because that is probably something he desires but is afraid to ask for it.......

Answer 6

I think you should kick him out. This is not the first time or girl. He has been lying to you for a long time, who knows the one girl said it started 4 years ago. I believe you would be better off without him. You deserve to be happy and be with a real man that will love you as much as you love him. The kids will be OK through this, it's better them living in a house where there is no love. I hope you make the right decision for you and the kids. If you need to talk drop me a line. God Bless

Answer 7

Since you've done the counseling thing once and it didn't seem to have any effect on him, I would leave. He is either addicted like you said, or he's very self absorbed. Either way, with 2 small children to look after, I wouldn't want the drama of what he's doing too. He says nothings happening, but do you really believe him. I wouldn't wait until I tested positive for an STD. I would pack my bags and go.
Good luck to you.

Answer 8

Oh dear, why rush to dump him. Now you know bide your time. Stash the cash, run up huge clothing bills, get yourself sorted then dump the tosser. Let him have his pathetic phone sex. Is he hiding behind the texts and calls because he's not man enough to knuckle down and be the proper husband/lover to you. I say hurt the chump right where it hurts the most, usually in the wallet. Why not get yourself a little bit of nice on the side whilst your planning your leaving date, I would.

Answer 9

As a man, I wouldn't advise you to confront him. I think there should be a certain room of fantasy between couples, unless the couple is really that good at satisfying each other's fantasy, which I highly doubt.

Unless you catch him redhanded on the bed with someone else, I think phone sex is rather ok. ONLY IF they are commercial phone sex services.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I don't believe that he is a sex addict but only the fact that he is being a man. Men like nasty un-committed sex and they feel bad having their special lady to perform these things for them. What would you do if he asked you do talk filthy to him? You would probably look at him very badly. That is why our men are going out in the streets to get the slu*(^%^$%$%*ts because we will not be that for them. Have you heard of the saying that a man wants a wife in the kitchen and a w()&^&)_re in the bedroom. They need w*(^^&(ores!!! He's is not disgusting from a woman's side but stop thinking like a woman and think like a man - they do not think like us!!! -he is just a man.