I have returned back to work for about a week now and I feel so guilty about taking my daughter to the sitters. Is this bad to feel guilty? How do I get over this feeling?
2006-10-24 03:49:29 · 14 answers · asked by Jewelz 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I think I feel so alone now more than guilty. Since the moment she was born I have been with her every minute. I didnt take a break away from her even when offered. I am going through the separation anxiety more than her. The sitter is great. She writes a diary for me and also I drop in sometimes. The sitter also calls me once a day to give an update on her. And that doesnt count how many times I call her.
So I trust the sitter. And working is a must for me so that my fiance and I can provide fully for us and our daughter.
2006-10-24 05:20:30 · update #1
You will always feel bad. I know it's not what you want to read right now, but it's true. You are mum and you just want to be with your baby, it's natural. do you trust your sitter? she can start writing diary for you, so you have a better idea, how baby spend all day. (i know it might be boring for some, but try it). Obviously you need your job and money. You need to reason with yourself and say to yourself, that you have a job and you need it, cos you have to spend money on baby etc and have a complete trust in your sitter, she will probably call you if something wrong. Yep, you will always feel bad but try to mellow it down.
2006-10-24 03:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by Ingrid 7 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe start by examining the reason why you feel guilty. that is, is it because you don't trust the person(s) with whom you're leaving your baby? or is it because you're worried that you won't be there if and when she needs you? if it's the former, then seek alternative care options (i.e., someone you trust). if it's the latter, you'll need to overcome your emotions because quite honestly, your daughter will be fine with a good caregiver and won't need the basic caretaking from you, the mother. moreover, it's actually a good thing for her to learn to be taken care of by someone other than mommy, i.e., less clinginess and another playmate. also lets you take a breather from time to time.
to some extent, the guilt will always linger, perhaps in the back of your mind. but like anything else, if you decide that this is the best option for you and your daughter, you'll learn to deal/cope with the guilt, just like any other stressors in your life. just try not to let it get to you, once you've made your decision. the others are right, with passing time, it's sure to diminish. :)
good luck!
2006-10-24 11:42:16 · answer #2 · answered by funmama 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it time, the "guilt" will go away. One thing I did in order to spend more "quality" time with my daugther after she was about a year old was hold "slumber party night", a couple times a month. Daddy would be relegated to the couch, while her and I partied in the master bedroom, we had tons of junk food, watched videos (I can't tell you how much I HATE Rainbow Bright still after almost 20 years LOL), we did each other's hair (Such styles even Sasson and Jose Ebar could never conjur up!). These "parties" continued on into her teens where we would have serious discussions about sex, boyfriends, sex, best friends, sex and oh yeah did I mention sex?
Also when I was cleaning the house I let her help...I'd give her a dust rag and she would "dust" the furniture, for some reason she LOVED to do the dishes (maybe it was playing in the soapy water she enjoyed) I tried to avoid doing housework after work, that was time spent with my daughter and I will admit that my house was chronically cluttered, to the point where one day my mother in law made a comment, I handed HER a dust rag and told her that if she felt my cleaning standards didn't suit her she could be my guest in cleaning for me, but my priority was spending time with my child at that moment and not whether I could write my name in the dust on top of the television. For me I would look at the situation and decide if it was going to matter in another 20 years. Now that my daughter is almost 21 years old she has shown me that the time I spent with her playing with her enjoying watching her grow up was more important to her than whether the top of the television was shiny clean...So don't sweat the housework...it will stil be there in the morning...LOL
2006-10-25 03:29:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm young. I just turned 24 late September. I haven't had a baby before but I feel it's something you have to get used to and you should feel good about yourself for caring so much but you shouldn't feel guilty. you're trying to create a stable and pleasent environment for your baby and soon to be husband. you want to have the money to take care of her and live comfortablely. you have to think about your future and staying home 24/7 with your baby would be sweet, but it's too much. you need time to work, save money. that's the realstic way to go so don't feel bad because of that. in time you'll see everything is working out 4 the best. as long as you trust the baby sitter and did a backround check on then you should be good.
btw I read one of your answers to someone and was hoping you'd look at my past few questions and answer them to the best of your ability because I value what you say. I just need reassuance and someone to be truthful but not someone who's delibertly trying to hurt my feelings. thank you;-)
Tricia
2006-10-24 13:52:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I havent had to do this yet because I am still pregnant, but my plan is to go back to work slowly. I am going to start off only working a few hours and then gradually get back to almost full time. If your work is flexible, try that because then you wont be without your daughter for a long period of time so abrubtly. Or if you must work full time, try taking your lunch break to go and see her or have her brought to your work place by the sitter. Good luck.
2006-10-24 10:52:28 · answer #5 · answered by peachy4995 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Only time will help you get over that. I felt so badleaving my son with a sitter and I still do occasionally . I wish i could spend time with my son and raise him myself but makign money is a must to support a child. Once you se that your daughter is comfortable with the sitter and she likes being with her...it will ease your mind a bit.
2006-10-24 10:51:46 · answer #6 · answered by Confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when I found out I had to go back to work 2 weeks early I thought it was the end of the world, and I was leaving my baby with his aunt. I cried almost the whole day and I had a severe ache in my stomach. on top of leaky boobs.
It took a few days for the real gut wrenching guilt to go away and then i was ok with it. My son is well taken care of and me going to work helps me provide the clothes, food and items my baby needs to be happy and healthy.
Good Luck! you and the baby will be just fine!
2006-10-24 11:07:06 · answer #7 · answered by crystald 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anyone with children has gone through this - you're not alone. You have to remember you are going to work to provide for your family. You must make the most of the time you have with your child. Anyone who posts answers making you feel worse hasn't walked in your shoes nor do they know the reasons behing your decision to go back to work.
Good luck and take care.
2006-10-24 11:02:00 · answer #8 · answered by family_matters 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think as parents we always feel guilty about most of the things we do it will get easier just enjoy and treasure the time you are able to spend with your daughter
2006-10-24 10:51:57 · answer #9 · answered by lookingforjordyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hoenstly it took me almost a year to feel ok about leaving my son w/my aunt. just cry and get it out of your system once you are in your car on the way to work. don't do it in front of baby cuz they can sense that then feed off of it and make it harder and harder on you
2006-10-24 11:29:44 · answer #10 · answered by Lori C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋