Ok, we have been married for 8yrs., have a 3 yr old son now & are pretty stable & happy people. Well, I caught him talking on some s#@ internet site -OK. Just talking right?? Well, now he is interested in meeting up w/her & letting her ride w/him on his motorcycle--(The one that I bought for him past spring -In my name)!! I am seeing RED! One thing to talk online, but to meet up w/a W^H0$^^ & ride MY bike! & probably bring home some Disease too.
When I confront him -he says it is my fault that I didn't loose the weight after having our son. It would be OK for him if he could just put my head on another woman's body, b/c he loves me but wants a thinner woman...
Needless to say -he has to go!
But, is it truely worth it to break my vows to myself, God, and my ideals b/c I can't deal with this lame s**thead?
My son, it breaks my heart that he will have to grow up in a broken family. And I've never loved anyone else but my husband. How do I find the strengh to stand up for myself and what I know is right & what is wrong when I love him??
2006-10-24 03:20:44 · 38 answers · asked by MOTO Girl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Kick his *** to the curb, your son doesn't need to listen to him put you down, you deserve to be with someone who has respect for you.
2006-10-24 03:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by shellygirl 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
OMG! That's terrible! I know it would be terribly hard, but I would just get rid of him. If he really, truely loved you, it would not matter what you looked like on the outside. Besides, you put on that weight bringing his child into this world!! I can't believe he would say someting so hurtful to you, you are is wife and the mother of his child!! How would he feel if he was suddenly in an accident or something and became horribly disfigured? I'm sure he would still want you to love him! I know you don't want to break your vows, I am not for divorce either, but he obviously has no respect for you and you and your son deserve better. In my opinion, he has already broken his vows by making plans to meet up with other women!! You are his wife, the woman he vowed to love, honor, and cherish, for the rest of his life!! I think the whole weight issue is just an excuse anyway, to get right down to it, he probably is just not interested in investing any more time in the marriage. This time it is about weight, the next time it will be something else. What is he going to do when you get older and get that first grey hair or wrinkle? I know you also worry about your son, but it would be better for him to see both of you happy, then to have you live together and be unhappy. Children are very insightful and they know when something is wrong. Also, is this the example of a man, that you want for your son? A man who bases his love for someone on how good looking they are?!! I would tell him, if you think you can do better, then go right ahead!!! You may be heartbroken for a while, but at least you will have your self-respect!! No one deserves to be treated that way by anyone, especially someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally. Tell that jerk to hit the road, that you deserve better!! There is a real man out there somewhere that will love you with all his heart and soul and love your son too. Trust me, someday your ex will realize how good he had it and what all he has lost and he will be the poorer for it. Good luck to you and your son and God bless!!!
2006-10-24 04:13:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would do, honey, is find a nice storage facility (rent one) and put the computer and the motor bike in it and don't let the dip-sh*it husband know about it.
Next, pack his sh*it and tell him to hit the road. He want's a thinner woman? Well let him go find one while he's hitchiking. He's treating you this way now...the mother of his child..and you think this is going to improve with time??? NO WAY! He's point a finger at you like "it's all your fault". What a cop-out.
Put this so called "man" out with the garbage! And have some pride and respect for yourself and your son. If you love this piece of crap, just think how much you would love a man who was good to you. You're worth more than that...give him the boot! He is breaking the vows. I never read anywhere in any scripture that man is suppose to belittle his wife. You haven't done a thing wrong unless you let him stay. Godloveya.
2006-10-24 03:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is not you breaking the vows, it's him. He is the one with the issue not you. You are the same person that you were when he married you and apparently he no longer realizes that. Weight should not be an issue nor should it be grounds for him to go out and mess around with other women. As for the online thing and meeting women, yeah that will someday lead to an affair. Been there and dealt with the whole internet chatting thing, and let me tell you from experience, if it does not end, the relationship will. I am sure you can provide your son a great and loving home without your husband there and when he is old enough he will understand. Don't compromise your own happiness.
2006-10-24 03:33:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
its not your fault if he is behaving this way. My father always use to tell my mother she was fat and continually had affairs until she divorced him. I remember as a child feeling very upset when I heard him say these things to her (which was not often because they always kept fights and disagreements away from us kids) so I think your son will know that the marriage is breaking down and he may feel it is acceptable in his life to treat his girl with as much contempt. You have to remember your vows are important so do dismiss them on a whim but on the other hand you are a child of God and he loves you and would not want you to be emotionally abused like this. If you want to be sure that you have done everything you can you could dress up make yourself really nice and try and loose a few pounds if you feel you have put them on but in my experience a man like that will always find something so even if you did loose the weight he would then say you are too thin. Pray about it and keep strong do what is right for your child and you. But dont be a punching bag
2006-10-24 03:55:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Let me just say that at when a couple is having issues leaving seems to be the only feasible way to get relief. But it's not. I would suggest some Christian marriagecounseling or even just marriage counseling. I would try to lose the weight not just for your husband and for his approval of you but for yourself as well. Leaving your husband might solve the short term problem, and make you seemingly happy for a while, but you need to think long term...sure you would appear to be "strong and independent" and maybe you would be by leaving, but staying and working things out with this man and praying through it will bring much more fulfillment and satisfaction. Marriage is hard...dang hard, and whether you stay or go things will be hard, that's life...but if you give your marriage to God and let him satisfy you i guarantee things will change. Be patient...don't put up with cheating and don't be a doormat, but don't leave either. Unless you are in a situation that threatens your life or your son's. Hang in there hun.
2006-10-24 03:46:53 · answer #6 · answered by Katie Beth 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
These damn chat rooms!!! There are so many relationships in this situation because of chatting on line. I will tell you what i would do get rid of the internet, and if you cant do that since everything these day depends on being on line unplug something to the computer that your husband wouldnt figure out.. silly right... The truth is your husband is all caught up in these woman that tell him anything he wants to hear, and they probely show him pictures that arnt really them with these nice bodies and perfect this and that the truth is why would they need the internet to find a man if they where that great....Wanting a skinner woman is just wrong there are to many men out there that would want you just the way you are. dont waste your life taking that from him... good luck
2006-10-24 03:35:06 · answer #7 · answered by kelliejo0875 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I went trough something similar but opposite. My husband like full figured woman. I was a size 16 and he liked it, but I started to get sick, started to loose weight very quickly and ended up a size 7 in just two months.He started to make very cruel,very offensive comments and looking heavier women in front of me.When we received the news that I have cancer, he has never, ever made a remark about my weight again.I've lost almost 67 pounds in seven months.My twelve yr old daughter clothes fit me. Imagine how thin I am. I know that he still likes me best when I was heavier it shows when he looks at old pictures, but he has accepted the new me and even though I don't fill a size D cup anymore he loves me anyway.
2006-10-24 05:16:34 · answer #8 · answered by solstice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother is a bigger woman, and my father actually cheated on her after several years after she had my younger sister. She never gave up on him because she made those vows in front of God, and her family, but now he knows he knows he can drag her through all the grief he wants. And my sister and I find it hard to respect him sometimes, because it is always one thing after another. It shouldn't matter how you are on the outside, you are the mother of his child, and he should love you for all that you are. Just remember that sometimes the father may not be the best influence on the son. You may want to try couples therapy. Or moving out for a while until he pulls his head out of the gutter. I would talk to a best friend who knows you very well. But remember you don't need anyone that doesn't respect you in your life. You'll be in our prayers, and best of luck...
2006-10-24 04:41:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mandy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This guy has major issues. You need some time apart. I went through the same thing with my now EX husband. He cheated and I finally gave up. I lost the wieght a year later and now I am dating richer cuter men that adore me! I love my life right now. i feel like I am finally living. It is hard for my son, but it would be harder to subject him to my ex's cheating habits and us fighting.
You should go out and have some fun of your own. If you can lose some weight when you are ready to do it for yourself...not for him. Screw that MF'er. It doesn't matter how thin you are! It is all about how you feel about yourself. I still don't have a perfect body! I wear a size 8/9, but I feel good about myself, and guys can feel the good vibes, that is more attractive than any super skinny girl! trust me. After a while, he will beg you to come back just like my ex still does. no other woman would put up with that bastard, niether should you. Life is too short, enjoy it. if you live your life miserably, your son will suffer too
2006-10-24 03:47:41 · answer #10 · answered by angelsweet 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hi. thanks for the interesting question.When we fall in love or make a committment to love someone, we usually say, "I' take you for the ups and downs and all that. Love means sticking though thin and fat times.
Men, sometimes are silly. they find someone to pay them attention and since it fills their ego, they say,"now I want this." not cuz she's fat or thin or what ever, but cuz she, right now, floats my boat. when the boat gets leaky, they think, "hum, maybe i was better off before." but by then, maybe that ship has sailed.
If the new girl get a kid and gets fat, does he continually recycle his love for the newer thinner younger model. Some, with lots of money do. most, have to have a reality check and think,
okay, I got one at home, I love her, I'd better keep her. it's a whole lot easier than always trying out new models.
If you want to lose weight you already know how to do it. we all know how to do it. It's just not as much fun as eating that second helping of pasta. If I burn more than I take in I lose weight. if i do the opposite then the opposite will happen.
have you and the x$#head thought about councelling?
if he's a bone head and thinks he don't need it, trick him. tell him honey, I'm messed up. would you please come with me to the councellor and help me understand what I can do to get my life back on track. big helpful, perfect guy like him should be willing to condecend and help the little wife get back on track.
maybe he'll go with you. maybe not. if he does, he might be surprized to find the councellor tell him, yeah, she need work, but there are one or two things you need help with too
Best wishes,
frankie C.
2006-10-24 03:40:55 · answer #11 · answered by frankiechocolate 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋