Lately my husband can't get it up. He blames the pills his phycologist have given him. He wonders the streets at night for the same reason he says. I am really honest and try my best to help him in anyway. I woke up this morning and my anti-virus was disabled.... I don't check up on him because I trust him....and that is the truth....Anyways so many live sex chats and video saved themselves to my computer.....
I am so discussed and hurt because he can't make it work with me...
All I feel right now is.....that I don't ever want to have sex with him....because he betrayed my trust..... please give me some advice.....so that I can talk to him this afternoon.
Thank you!
2006-10-24 03:07:05 · 24 answers · asked by clair 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry for spelling mistake....
2006-10-24 03:08:52 · update #1
1. Get some information on the medication your husband is taking and see what the side effects are.
2. Have him go to his regular doctor for a check up, and to discuss the impact this medication is having on him. See if there are any non-drug or alternative treatments he can consider.
3. See if your husband is willing to go into marital counseling with you. Not with his psychiartirst, but with a psychologist trained in family / marriage issues.
4. If you love your husband, you will have to move beyond your disgust and hurt and find a solution. Both of you need to work this out.
5. When you talk to him this afternoon, approach it from the standpoint of love. Begin it by telling him that you love him, because you do. Let him know that you have some concerns about your marriage, and name them (Trust, sex chats, videos, lack of sex, etc.) Tell him how it makes you feel, don' slam him.
Tell him you want to understand what's going on and how he feels about it. Tell him you want to help him, yourself and your marriage, but you need for him to be your partner in this. He may not be ready to talk right away, so give him a day or two to ponder what you've said, but make sure you come back to discuss it, then come up with a plan.
If he chooses not to go to therapy, then you go so you can understand help yourself move forward, or at least get tools on how to deal with the present situation.
Good luck.
2006-10-24 03:20:29 · answer #1 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with a lot of the answers here. I would tell him that the internet porn and "prostitutes" (IF, that is why he is out wandering the streets late at night) have to stop. Get him to get some help because it can be a HUGE problem. And you have to be creative too because the problem is that men compare our sex to what they see on the TV and internet and that is those women's JOBS. So, of course it seems a little more arousing. Who wants to do handstands EVERY night. You may have to perform oral sex a few times during the act to get him back into the act. Don't make him feel emabarrased if it goes down. Try some toys, stay hard spray, a new approach (domination, costumes, scenery - I did the garden of Eden one time, that was fun!!), outside where it is possible you may have an audience. Break the monotony. Initiate it. No TV, just music. At night, unhook the computer. Let him know you are willing to work it out, but he has to be a man about it first.
Good luck
2006-10-24 03:27:37 · answer #2 · answered by Booda39 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor thing.
Obviously the guy is depressed. When they get depressed they are insecure and think they are a failure of some sorts. Natural human behavior is to blame everything else but ourself. Men are so attached to sex, that when they get depressed they think it is because of their current sexual relationship. And these days they either cheat or turn to porn. The thing you should know is that it really is no fault of your own and you need to understand that he is really lost right now and needs your unconditional love more than ever. I know he has betrayed you, but when you are insecure you only think of yourself.
The worst thing you could do right now is get on his case, he doesn't want you to judge him or be ashamed of him. That is not going to help.
Tell him that you are his loving wife and no matter what he is dealing with right now, you will understand and love him. If he thinks you will judge him he won't be honest with you. It may not get him to break down and tell you everything, but when he knows that he is not alone in this world, with his problems, he will trust you, start to talk about it, and start to heal. Men can not handle emotional stress as well as women can. So as a strong wife, you need to put your needs a side for a bit longer and sacrifice a little more to help your husband. And don't expect a specific outcome, just shower him with your love and let him know he is not alone.
If you bring up the smut on the computer, just tell him you know about it and that it is obvious he is not happy right now and that it is time for a serious talk. You cannot shame him into changing or getting better.
2006-10-24 03:26:21 · answer #3 · answered by tightlies 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He may be looking at a lot of sex sites to relieve himself, nothing more. If he can't get it up because of the pills the doc gave him, then chances are he's not able to regardless of how much porn he looks at. He's just trying to relieve himself. Don't jump to conclusions about not being able to trust him or him being able to get it up for the sites but not for you.
It sounds like he's going thru a really stressful time. And the fact that he's not able to have sex right now adds to that stress. It makes him feel like he's less of a man.
Try talking to him. Don't make it sound like you're confronting him...that will add even more stress and make him defensive. Try asking him how the visits to the therapist have been going. Is there anything he wants to talk about with you? Maybe he needs some spontaneity. Relax him and then try having sex. Don't give off a "vibe" that you expect too much. Give off the vibe that no matter what, everything's ok.
2006-10-24 03:19:20 · answer #4 · answered by Joy 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is using those things to try and figure out how to get it up. For men, once there is a problem, it can be obsessed over more and more. That is how a major problem happens in the head. Sit down and go over some things in the past that you both have really enjoyed sexually. I would go with the premise that you will not be having sex anyway, you are just there to play and have fun. Also, oral usually is the best way to a mans stimulation. If you need some extra help. Insert a finger and tickle his prostate.
2006-10-24 03:12:59 · answer #5 · answered by BDP 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get a task, even at McDonald's (Not a slam, I occur to like McD's) wherein there's a 401 ok, positioned 30% of your pay into it. Go out and get a couple of bank cards, reduce up 2 and throw them away, however preserve the account open to permit time to broaden a good credit score ranking. Keep the only card for emergencies. It's fairly handy to get into drawback with bank cards and tough to get out of. Bad marks for your credit score will comply with you for 7-10 yrs and will outcome plenty of matters. Learn a exchange, Carpentry, Plumbing, Electrical, or pass into prime tech like laptop techniques and laptop fix. Heck virtually each and every condo has a laptop now a days.
2016-09-01 01:53:35 · answer #6 · answered by polka 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let it go!!! He's trying to see what is wrong with him. Probably checking to see if it is him or you. Alot of men will go through not being able to have an erection and that goes with age. Let him look at that mess and let it go. Walk around in a thong while cooking breakfast. That will get him up especially early in the morning. Bend over and pick up something while he's coming without letting him know that you are intentionally doing it. Maybe you need to go out and buy an x rated tape so that you two can look at it on a Friday night. Play your part girl!!! Excite the man...
2006-10-24 03:13:33 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet B 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm really sorry that that happened. Anyways, you need to come straight out with how you are feeling with him. All relationships (no matter how cliche') are based on communication. I don't know anything else (I'm only 18), but I recently got married. Trust is hard thing to regain, no matter who you are. It hurts when it's broken, but losing the one you love is harder. Just talk to him and be completely honest.
2006-10-24 04:22:14 · answer #8 · answered by Skanky Pete 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would like to say something to you, that you most likely won't like, but whats the big deal that he was watching porn online? Maybe he is trying to see if he can get it up at all, you need to understand that he is frustrated right now that he can't make you happy, and you need to be there for him, maybe open your mind a bit and watch some porn with him, and talk dirty to him, just to get him excited. You need to be looking for a way to make him happy and see if you can find some kind of solution to his problem and not get mad at him for watching videos online, look at it this way, at least he is not out somewhere screwing some other woman. He is being faithful, and he is just trying to see if he could make it work again, without making you frustrated with him when he can't get it to work. Be patient with him, and open your mind to better things, you will only make your life better with lots of passion!
2006-10-24 03:15:39 · answer #9 · answered by wantstoknow 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he was trying to see if he could create a little excitement with more stimulus.Most anti-depressants have sexual side effects.Tell him to see the doc and get some little blue pills.He is having a hard time dealing with this as well I'm sure.Send him to see his doctor as soon as you can.If he is still playing with the computer afterwards instead of you,kick him to the curb.
2006-10-24 03:14:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋