Ladies, I request your advice please?

Question

My wife and I have been married for almost three years, but I'm in the military, and have only been around for eight months of that time. Really, just long enough to get her pregnant and go away again just before our little girl was born. My delemma is this, Before we got married in the start of our relationship, sex was great, the longer we were together it kinda tappered off, kinda turned into a routine. When we got married, it only got more routine. Even when I would come home on leave, I've tried everything I can think of to spice up the night so to say, and it works for a bit, but then back to routine. I try to get her to come up with new and exciting things for us to do, but she just doesn't think like that. I'm a typical young man (24 yrs old as is she), I think about sex non stop, even when I'm home with her, But she rarely thinks about it, and never enough to come up with anything to spice it up. Can ya'll give me some advice, or ideas, or anything to help me out?

Answer 1

I am married to a military man and he's gone alot. He's gone right now as a matter of fact. Speaking from experience, tha fact that you have a new baby, and that you are gone alot, may have alot to do with her decreases desire for you. Subconsciously, she may resent you for always being away. And in her mind, shes thinking why get close, you're only going to leave again. Having a baby can reak havoc on a womans hormones and make her less likely to want to perform, and then add to the equation that shes tired from carrying for a baby all day, its hard to feel sexy at the end of the day when you've had a baby spit-up all over you all day, and dirty diapers to change, etc. I went through that with my husband when we were newly weds. Him gone all the time, I was at home carrying for 2 small children. I resented him and its hard to be initmate when you hold resentment for your lover. I got passed that, and she could, too. Dont give up on her. When you are home, give her a break from the house, the baby. Get a sitter and take her out. When you're gone, stop thinking about how much you want to f*ck your wifes brains out the next time you see her and start thinking how much you want to hold her and comfort her and romance her. I think part of the problem is your mentality when it comes to her and your expectations when you come home. She is your wife, who misses you and needs you, not your guarenteed lay when you walk in the door.

Answer 2

that might be the answer....you think of sex non stop. Well how about talking hugging without sex even kissing. It must be like being with a stranger every time you come home. She has had to adabt and looks like she is not doing very well at it. so try some lets get to know each other time before a the S... I usually say that there is 24 hours to a date not just the time you are on it. hand hands ask her things stuff you are not used to listening to. tell how gorgous she is. How you love her more now than even before but do not expect any thing from her she will soon change towards you. Romance her. like she is the only one left on earth a delicate flower.

Put it another way if you had a Porch and you left it in the garage would you take it out for a top speed ride straight away???? No you would warm her up polish her... get the drift. Good luck

Answer 3

Whatever you do don't look outside your marriage to fulfill you needs. Military life can suck and put unbelievable strains on a marriage especially for young adults.

First make sure you are meeting her needs. So many men don't realize that women's sex drives are not just sexual stimulation. Talk to her away from the house at dinner or some neutral place. Maybe counseling but it sounds like you really love her and you didn't mention infidelity so that is a big thing.

There is an awesome book not sure the author but it is called the Five Love Languages and it really explains how each person in a relationship has a different love language. Some people there sexual appetite is how they express love, but that isn't there spouses. Example, one spouse needs lots of affection which then helps aid the others need for sex.

Just please don't cheat and really work through this and find that time as much as possible.

Prayers are with you. :)

Answer 4

Oh that's an easy one. First off, thanks for being in the military!!! Next, the answer is LIFE. Sex in marriage always decreases for awhile. It's like a roller coaster. Right now it's super slow, and almost non existant. In a couple years it'll be a lot more frequent. It will continue like this until your children are grown up and not so dependant on you. Being a mother is hard work. Her main focus right now is your daughter. She surely thinks about sex, and wishes she could focus more on it. In fact, she probably feels insecure about the fact that she isn't in the mood enough. Don't pressure her. Don't make her feel worse by bringing it up. She's struggling with being a new mommy, and she's trying to be the best mom she can. There is nothing you can do at this time to get sex more often. So I suggest you make the best of it when you do get it. And if you attempt, and she's just not into it, then accept that graciously and just hold her. She needs your understanding and support more than ever. She will come around. Patience is the key! Plus, there are other ways to relieve yourself. Which, I'm sure you know. My husband took a lot of showers when our children were being raised. Our sex life went from 4-6 times a week (possibly multiple times daily) to once or twice every other week!!! It was frusterating for him. I felt just like I told you your wife probably feels. He pressured me. I withdrew even more.... eventually we fought all the time, so then I was NEVER in the mood. It got to the point where neither of us could even remember the last time we did it. After counseling, we tried to make time. But in the last year, since the kids are both older, the sex life has picked up again. It's about 3-4 times a week now. Patience my dear.

Answer 5

Wow, you're still kind of newlyweds, given the amount of time you've actually been able to be together. A toddler can sure be draining on a great sex life. They tend to need more help and attention than you do. Maybe the best approach would be to take your wife out of the normal. Arrange for a babysitter, (if family could take care of your daughter for the weekend that would be great), then GO someplace romantic....the beach, a secluded cafe, a dinner, lunch or maybe a favorite place you once went to when you were "dating". Go on a DATE. A single red rose or her favorite flower....small gestures that lets her know she's the most important person in your life. Hold her hand! Best of luck to you on your venture.

Answer 6

My husband and I have been married for five years and some change. He is also in the military, and has only been around for three. We have two kids, a four year old girl, and two month old boy. As far as our sex life goes, it has always been great, but alot of my friends tell me I am not normal in that sense.LOL. I am just wondering, how old is your daughter? Did your sex-life slow down when your wife was pregnant, or before that? Sometimes pregnancy and childbirth can have strange effects on a woman's sex drive. Also, are you taking the time to reconnect with your wife in other ways? If you have only been around for 8 months out of your three year marriage, maybe you need time to reconnect emotionally, and your sex life will follow.....
Best of Luck!!

Answer 7

Well honey, with a guy your age that is understandable. However, she has your child to deal with and running the household. Not putting your duties lightly, no sir, I appreciate what you've done for our country. I understand how things can become routine, she's in a different mindset. Talk with her and tell her exactly how you feel but then listen to her. Don't interrupt, really listen. She probably doesn't have the time or energy to come up with new ideas and sorry to say, its probably not that important to her - as it is to you. I really think you both need to give and take in this situation and I really hope you can work it all out. I see both sides and feel for you both. Try to work it all out, I'd hate to see your marriage go sour so soon. Good luck!

Answer 8

Please dont give up on her.I agree with most the answers above. I am a army wife and deployments take a toll on the solider and the spouse.Be kind to her and do ask her about it.Have someone watch the kid and have dinner at home with her.Ask her why this is going on.Dont be hostile though.I may not have great advice but just letting ya know it may not be anything menacing, it maybe depression.And medicine doesnt always work.I took some a few months ago( something generic like zanix)and felt suicidal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let her know there is hope.And i hope she makes you feel better..Good luck and always be kind.

Answer 9

Maybe you should look at her as your partner in life and not a gauranteed piece of tail. Women like sex too, but marriage and a relationship is much much more than just the physical to them. Think about her needs a little, I know you are fighting for our country and I commend you, but in this relationship you are dropping the ball here. She is married to a guy that she has been around less than 25% of the time and she is raising his child by herself? And on top of that, when her man comes home all he wants to know is why the sex has losts its spice.( don't deny it, you said you think about sex nonstop) She must feel like a complete object, soley to make you happy.

Son, there is a lot you should learn about love.

Answer 10

You need to sit her down and explain your fetishes to her. Tell her that once in a while, you would like to change things up and try things your way. The whole anal thing, well, sorry to tell you buddy, but there's a lot of chicks out there that just don't like it. And that's something you'll have to deal with. Do you want to remain in a committed relationship with someone you love or are you going to dump her just because she doesn't like it in the booty? Communication is key. And I know you didn't want to hear the "D" word, but if this is something that is really hindering your relationship, perhaps you should seek a couples counselor or a sex therapist. Not to eliminate your desires, but to help you guys compromise to full-fill both of your needs. Like I said, if she's not willing to compromise, decide which is more important to you... your relationship or a pair of stilettos. Good Luck!