My husband and I have had a very stressfulrelationship for the last 2 years. My husband thinks he can hang out to all hours of the morning. 8-9 am getting home to me is unacceptable. There are always different women calling him all hours of the night. Since I have reconnected with my friend I sometimes come home at crazy hours too. I tell my husband what goes around comes around. I really want to be with this other person. Please give me some honest feedback. I am in the process of making a major life decision and would really like to have some impartial responses.
2006-10-24 02:37:34 · 18 answers · asked by kay kay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave him and start a new life. Sounds like all the respect and love is gone from your marriage anyway. Why beat a dead dog? Its dead - walk away.
2006-10-24 02:40:58 · answer #1 · answered by tay_jen1 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think having another relationship because you and your husband are not in good terms right now is the answer to you problem. Your husband made a mistake YES! but what you should do is to find a way of making him realise his mistakes, talk things over with him and get on with your lives. What do you want your children to think of you? if you don't respect your husband at least give your children the love, care and respect they deserve by not making them go through the stress of a broken home. I think you should call your husband and you two should have a heart t o heart talk an d iron out your differences as two wrongs don't make a right. As for the other guy, I think he is only taking advantage of your situation. Please, take a second thought and get your family going.
2006-10-24 03:03:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you should only make life changing decisions when you are focused and right now you are not focused on what is important because you are too busy focusing on what this guy is doing for you that your husband is not. its like you are using his strenght as a weakness to get over whatever it is that your husband is doing. and yes what goes around comes around, but two wrongs do not make a right, and you have children to think about. I am not saying to stay with your husband if he is cheating but what i am saying is not like a couple of hours of happiness change your life. Ask yourself have you done everything possible to keep your h usband happy and your marriage together. What was it that made you love each other in the first place. have you addressed the concerns and issues with your husband? Have you asked why he is doing it. Maybe you are not giving him something he needs or maybe you are not listening. women are really bad listeners, they hear what they want to hear. So maybe you and your husband can talk and get con. and call a truce with one another, then you both can take all that energy you put into other people and put t into each other to get your lives and your marriage back on track.
2006-10-24 02:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are sure, and I mean absolutely sure you don't love your husband anymore and are 100% sure you want to be with this other guy then QUIT playing games (' what goes around comes around" sounds disgustingly childish) and divorce him. You didn't mention the ages of your other children but your 13 year old sure as hell doesn't need to see his role models whoring around on each other and making it stressful on him/her and the other kids. You're right, you are about to make a major life decision and want impartial responses. Well, I will be honest also. You both sound immature and selfish. You are going to hurt your kids no matter how you handle this and it will have a impact on them for the rest of their lives. You both have the responsibility of how much damage you are going to cause them not only now but what it will do to them when they are adults and make decisions about marriage and how they think about it. Right now you are teaching them that marriage is a joke, nothing to be respected and not a sacred thing. You both keep whoring around in front of the them while you're still married and that's most likely what they will do in their marriages. What happy lives they will have as children and adults because of you two immature idiots. Get divorced and be civil in front of the children. Don't just think about your happiness think about them FIRST.
2006-10-24 03:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you have already made your decision by connecting with someone whom you have a personal interest in. Understandably, your situation is overwhelming and being with someone who hasn't hurt you can even be a relief. Undoubtedly, you feel better about yourself when you are with this other person. This is usually what pushes a person to cross the line of fidelity to infidelity.
Having children makes your situation even more difficult and sensitive. However, you must focus on your children and make them a priority. Neither your husband or you are setting a good example. They are hurting inside and have divided loyalties.
Please consider them first. Finish the bad marriage before "dating". The damage you can cause this impressionable young man will evidence itself within the next few years.
How are his grades? Is he well rounded etc...
Does he have a quick temper? This could all be a demonstration of the frustration and anger he feels about this situation.
FINISH THE MARRIAGE. Don't go 1/2 way. Divorce him and free both of you up to lead happier lives. Happy people make happy parents. Your husband isn't anymore happy with you than you are with him. The lack of respect for each other that is demonstrated thru late hours doesn't support a healthy environment conducive to good parenting. Make them your priority and motivation in all that you do.
2006-10-24 02:49:26 · answer #5 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just because one parent is irresponsible and a bad example for THREE CHILDREN, doesn't give the other parent license to also be a bad parent! Geez! Grow up. You have three children and one is an impressionable 13 years old. Where are you setting a good example for this child and his/her siblings? Take your children and go be a good parent somewhere else. OR, change the locks and make your spouse leave. Cheating within marriage is wrong and it is a bad example to set for your children. If you are both staying out all night, WHO is watching the kids? What if the house caught fire? Do you have no sense of responsibility for your family here? Think!!!
2006-10-24 03:13:23 · answer #6 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are old enough to be a mother to a 13 year old and 2 more you should know the relationship is doomed. DO NOT jump into another relationship. What you need to do is get out and establish yourself and kids in a new home first. Then if you are not working you need to do so. When everything is finalised and the kids are settled from this breakup - then you think about getting yourself another guy.
2006-10-24 13:30:43 · answer #7 · answered by auntynoall 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you are acting irresponsibly and selfishly. Neither one of you seems to be thinking about your children and how all this is affecting them. They've already been witness to the downfall of your marriage (for whatever reasons, I'm not challenging that), but to make them spectators your respective infidelities (infidelity, yes, because you're still freakin married) is just plain wrong.
1. Your kids already know that strange women are calling the house.
2. They know that Dad kind of falls in whever he wants to, and now Mom is too.
3. They are children undergoing major life upheaval and you and your husband are acting with indifference to how this affects them.
You and your husband need to quit this madness. If you're going to separate or divorce, then just do it. One of you move out and get your own place. Sit down with your children and AMICABLY explain that the two of you aren't getting along, and you both feel this is what's best for everyone. Explain that it has nothing to do with them, and that your love for them is absolute.
- Stop the in and out at odd hours
- Stop the phone calls from other men / women
- Do not bad mouth one another; your children see this as a direct reflection to them because they are half of each of you.
- If you insist upon dating while you're in this process (which I think is a really bad idea) don't bring your lovers around your children. If you have to go out, be discrete.
- Your children need to feel secure, and you must provide them with a routine so their lives aren't further upended
- Talk to your husband so the two of you can come up with some guidelines about visitation, schedules, etc. AGREE THAT YOU WILL CONDUCT YOURSELVES IN A WAY THAT WILL NOT MAKE YOUR KIDS SUFFER.
Finally, have either of you tried to repair your marriage or just played out a game of one-upmanship that has led to where you are now. I strongly suggest that you consider counseling before you throw in the towel. Affairs are always a sign of something else going on. At the very least, counseling will help you both come up with an exit strategy and ways to help your children cope.
Finally, be careful about your dealings with "this other person." He's appealing now because you're angry with your husband and the other guy is being very attentive. Consider this from the other guy's point of view: You are safe to be with because you're still married, have kids and don't exactly have the freedom to roam. Don't be surprised that he becomes less available to you once you are finally available. Do you really think he'll want to step into a ready made family, even if there's no marriage in your future? How will you explain him to your kids?
You and your husband need to stop living in the heat of the moment and think about how your current lifestyle is affecting everyone. The only reason you're having an affair is because your husband is. Neither one of you has address the real issues of your marriage, and your kids are suffering in the meantime. How they view your marriage will be the blueprint for their future relationships.
Think about it.
2006-10-24 02:58:26 · answer #8 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to get away from eachother QUICK. This relationship is toxic to both of you and especially your children. They do not need to be around for this. If your marriage has any chance get help, after you seperate. Neither of you should start new relationships while you are still living together. For your sake I hope this new relationship works out, but what's happening now NEEDS TO STOP. You guys have no right to put your kids through this. Good for you for trying to get some help though.
2006-10-24 02:43:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
be strong, i have been thru the exact same issue, it has now been three years and i have met a terrific guy, and am now very happy. my ex, would come home at 3am, lost his job and spent no time with me. it will get rough,no lie, but do what is best for you, because if your not happy, the people around you will suffer as well, including your kids. if it gets tough, don't give in, sometimes it will seem like the easy way to stop the stress at first, but then you will be right back where you were, miserable. if you don't think there is a way to save your marriage, then you need to do what you think is best for you.
2006-10-24 02:57:06 · answer #10 · answered by maria v 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your relationship sounds like it is over, however, do not make such a life changing event focused on the other person in your life. make your decision based on what will make you happy which in turn will make your children happy and provide for a stable foundation.
this other guy may work out, but ask yourself if he weren't in the picture would you fight for your marriage? the bigger question is what will make you hapy whether this other guy is in your life or not? your kids will always be there? men will not? we all know they come and go!
so think of you and your children NOBODY ELSE. :)
2006-10-24 03:27:33 · answer #11 · answered by Lisa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋