About 18 months ago, I started seeing this guy I worked with (big mistake I know). Anyway suprisingly enough we managed to keep things going for a while. We ended it recently cos I moved away. But I can't stop thinking about him. I hate it.
We went through so much, and now I'm not even there to tell him, that I want to take this thing onto a next level. The basis of our 'relationship' was never love or anything like that- we were **** buddies (sorry 2 b crude) who suddenly developed feelings for each other. He made it clear from the beginning that I wasn't what he was looking for in a relationship- which was fine, cos I felt the same way. But things have changed and I keep wanting to tell him that!
I used to think he might feel the same way- but last weekend I found out he linked up with someone. I know this is slightly baffling- but I'm at so much of a loss. Will I ruin everything (including our freindship) if I tell him, or will I just be humiliating myself?
2006-10-24 02:20:06 · 10 answers · asked by sassedangel 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would tell him, but chances are that since the relationship began the way it did, nothing will come of it. In order to gain the respect and true love of someone, I think that friendship with no expectations is a must. Is the friendship one that is there even when you aren't sleeping with him? If not, then more than likely he was using you. In the beginning, you may have been using him as well. If that was the agreement between the two of you from the start, I see nothing wrong with that. My advice would be to not give yourself away. Make the right man work for it, be there for you all the time, not just in the bedroom. Have the utmost respect for yourself and the right man will too. Set standards for yourself regarding your relationships and don't bend. The one you are looking for will not complain about meeting them. Until you find the one, be the one. In order to find a good guy, you have to be a good girl. My mother always told me to never sleep with anyone that I wouldn't want to father my children. I agree. Good luck and God bless. Try finding the love for yourself before giving love to someone else. There will be someone that feels for you the way that you feel about this guy, believe me. I'm 35, and it took me a long time to figure this out. Hope that I helped without sounding too old. LOL
2006-10-24 02:35:20 · answer #1 · answered by Katlyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should just leave it alone. If you both went into this as a sex only thing leave it at that. There are always feelings that will develop it's just how you deal with it that counts. He is obviously not looking to take it to the next level so why put yourself out there to be hurt. Move on and find someone that you can be in a relationship with from the start. You can't expect the respect you deserve in a sex only relationship...that will never never happen.
2006-10-24 02:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by mzbrwnskin 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to be very straight forward in my answer here. Read it with an open mind.
When you begin a sexual relationship with someone knowing that he does not want a relationship / committment with you (just sex) then you are giving him a reason not to have respect for you. Anyone, as an adult / grown up, who will have sexual relations with another person without a committment is not worth my time, in my opinion. And since you're confused and insecure about the status of your relationship now, and any possibilities of a relationship going forward only supports my next opinion. A girl who gives away her body without a solid committment, is only setting herself up to become insecure, not feel good enough, and to get into further sexual relationships, without committment. The guy you are sleeping with doesn't want a relationship with you because you have shown him he doesn't have to have one. You gave your body to him for free. And now, even if you corner him and tell him you want a committment; if he agrees to give you one chances are he will continue to sleep with other women. You've given him permission to use you for sex without consequences. I don't know how old you are, but I'm going to presume you're 18. Grown up, but still a baby. You have your whole life ahead of you. And my advice to you is to let this fellow go. Stay single for awhile and rebuild the trust within yourself. Work on your self esteem. After some time, when you start to date again, respect yourself this time by not giving it away. Expect a relationship. Expect a committment. Otherwise you'll never get one. "Why buy the cow when the milk is free".
If you can, go pick up the book "10 Stupid things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.
2006-10-24 02:33:32 · answer #3 · answered by kari w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him regardless, you won't feel humiliated...I don't think at all! I do think you may feel alone in this great emotion since he may not fell that at all he may feel exactly how he felt in the beginning...but tell him! Everything is a big risk, why not take a little bit of it to express something as beautiful as love!!! Take care and have a wonderful day!
2006-10-24 02:44:46 · answer #4 · answered by lasugarfree 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm terribly sorry you're hurting. But this man is obviously out to sleep around with as many people as he can. If he had feelings for you (or anybody but himself!) he wouldn't have hooked up with this other person. I've kind of been in this same situation before and I DID make a FOOL out of myself by spilling my guts and telling him how I felt. Guess what? He didn't care. Now I can see it wasn't worth it.
2006-10-24 02:28:10 · answer #5 · answered by spelling nazi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry you are getting your feelings hurt but it does sound like you were just a bedroom buddy and not a serious girlfriend. This is always a risk for people who can't fully seperate the two and mistake physical intimacy for emotional bonding. he has moved on and you should to, sorry.
2006-10-24 02:26:02 · answer #6 · answered by medic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to be an extremely spectacular individual and additionally being concerned. i could be very careful in spite of the undeniable fact that considering you do no longer prefer to be reading him incorrect. Double date or tripple date which includes your pals and see if he's comparable to you think of he's. stable success! permit me know what you have desperate.
2016-11-25 01:55:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you already crossed over the friendship line. If you have these feelings, you must talk to him about it and see if he feels the same. Good Luck.
2006-10-24 02:24:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lt 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well sweet heart me personally i think it depends how u take it if u think ur gonna humiliate ur self dont do it. and if u feel right do it. good luck the choice is urs.
contact me when u get u answer 4rm him
2006-10-24 02:32:43 · answer #9 · answered by Sharnice O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have already ruined everything, and its time you moved on.
2006-10-24 02:44:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋