My whole family knows I'm gay, they say they love me anyway, but they never ask about my love life, which makes me think they are embarrassed about my homosexuality and don't truly accept me at all....
I have lunch with my sisters in the city once a month. My big sister asks about my twin sister's sex life, her married life, her romantic life with my brother-in-law - but both my sisters never ask about the gay men that I date, my sex life....
They are just silently polite to me when it comes to my private life. I want them to ask me about my sex life, I want them to pry, to casually enquire as to who I'm dating, but they don't, and it upsets me. Am I over-reacting??
2006-10-24 01:38:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Its possible that they just don't know what to ask. Alot of straight people think there is something different about a GLBT personal life than theirs.
I don't think you are over reacting, as long as you don't allow this to become a big drama(I come from the "big drama' kind of family). I would do one of two things. Ask the one you are closest to why you are left out of the conversation. Find out what is really going on. Or simply just start talking about it. Don't go into great detail at first, just see if they ignore you or if it breaks the ice. If they ignore you, then you have a bigger problem and you all need to talk about it. This is your life, its not changing, and you need to be allowed to participate in your family as everyone else is.
Kudos's for them for the baby steps they have already made, now let's get out of the box and start getting real. Good luck to you all.
2006-10-24 01:53:26 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you're over reacting. I have much the same situation. I came out to my parents 4 years ago. I've been with the same person since before I came out. They never talk about her past how is she doing and other formalities. It really frustrates me because I never know if they do it just to play nice and seem like they care. They have never talked about me being gay or how it's going to be for them when we have kids. I am planning on confronting them about it in the near future but it is still upsetting when you drop hints about children and they completly ignore the fact.
It could also be that we just don't want to be considered special because we live an alternate lifestyle. You can still ask about a sex life even when the sex is between two people of the same sex.
2006-10-24 04:24:09 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the exact opposite. My family, (my mother and sister) have always welcomed my boyfriends into the family (they have this particularily nasty thing they do at the dinner table where they bring out baby photo's and then recount extremely embarassing moments throughout my entire childhood). They also tend to ask very personal questions about my sexual relationships, and then without waiting for an answer, proceed to give all the advice that they have gathered from reading the MSO.
No, I do not think you are overreacting. Perhaps they do not know how to start to ask. Perhaps, you could start offering some information, or passing comments, when they start to talk about their relationships. Hopefully, the responses will be positive. Or on the other hand, you could just one day come out and ask why they never ask you questions about your life and you wondered why that was.
2006-10-24 03:19:01 · answer #3 · answered by Orditz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes they ask me about my significant other all the time as he's an important part of our family.
No they don't want to know about our sex life and that is just fine by me.
You bring up an interesting point though. Since your sisters are dishing about their sex life in front of you. I always find it a little odd that some str8 ppl that I know will loudly flaunt their sexcapades but can't stand to hear the same thing from me. The fact is they're uncomfortable with gays and gay sex.
(You can be gay just don't have gay sex is their motto. Their other motto is I can tell you about the sleazy details of my sex life but you can't because it's gay.)
Anyhoo, try not to worry about it too much. Maybe the next time they're discussing sex you should interject with a story of your own. ;)
2006-10-25 11:05:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask about significant other? yes. All the rest, no. None of that is talked about in our family. I suppose it would be with cousins though, since sibs are 10, 12 and 16 and I'm not talking to THEM about it! Most of the time I'm more of a mother than a sister to them anyway.
2006-10-24 02:01:57 · answer #5 · answered by when's my next vacation??? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that while they probably DO love you very much and don't care if you're gay or not the concept of it still may be a bit taboo to them. If there is a way to bring up your concerns without it be too confrontational I think that would begin to break the ice for you. They may not know HOW to ask or may be fearful of asking for fear of offending you in some way. You sound like you have a close-knit family which is GREAT! Bring up your concerns and see where it leads. I think you have a great foundation with your family to have good communication!
2006-10-24 01:48:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, but I don't ask about their sex life/love life either(or at least in that way) My family does ask about my other half, how we are doing and getting along in the same manner they would ask about my sister's husband. It's not a big deal. I guess knowing that we have been together going on 7 years they understand it isn't a fling. They've never asked about those, but then, I've never asked about theirs either.
2006-10-24 01:46:15 · answer #7 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand this. I feel the same sometimes. We can talk about my sister's sex lives - one has just started - the other has just married but I don't feel as though I am able to talk about it and get things off my chest.
They do ask about my signifigant other but that is about it. Sometimes it frustrates me. I am at ease talking to my partner's mother about what is going on - especially now - but can't do the same with my family.
I don't think you are over reacting. I don't blame you for being upset. Obviously it is still taboo to them. I think that what you need to do is put your two bobs worth in. I do that sometimes and they go 'oh gross' but at least it is out there in the open.
2006-10-24 16:56:06 · answer #8 · answered by gretphemelger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your'e love life is an important part of who you are so of course you want them to be interested. They may not think it's right to pry and are trying to behave in the manner they think you expect of them. Hopefully one day they will start asking shamefull questions but for now How's ur sex life? xxxx
2006-10-24 07:52:39 · answer #9 · answered by Tallie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My family asks how my gf is doing because I'm away at school so she's never at the house... they don't ask about my sex life though because in my house, no one as genatalia... and that's how we like to keep it.
2006-10-24 07:08:44 · answer #10 · answered by Phedre D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋