Do any of you have thoughts on this?

Question

I’m 29 year old sergeant in the army. My wife and I have been married for 3 years now. In those three years I have been deployed to foreign country twice. I am currently deployed to Afghanistan. When I first arrived here, things seemed to be going fine and then one day my wife told me that she didn’t know if she were in love with me, she said that she “Loves me, but not sure if she was in love with me. She and I have two children; she had a child when I entered the relationship and we have one together. I love her and the kids dearly. A few ugly months went by with the preparation of divorce, and then a couple of months ago she tells me that she had second thought about wanting a divorce, and that she wants things to work out. I am still deployed, and this has driven me nut, I don’t know what to feel or how to think. I want this to work out, and im praying that she is sincere about what she is telling. Im so confused, and hurt.

Answer 1

Let her work out now and see what happens . It happens so many times in life with every body. This is just because of lack of maturity onlyand things are sorted out with time. Buti am sure she loves you a lot.

Answer 2

I feel your pain and I don't even know you. I guess I would understand if she said that because of the deployment that she was feeling a little unsure of the marriage, but to go as far as to seek a divorce and then do a 360 in the middle. Sounds to me like there was something other than her love for you that made her change her mind. Have you suspected her of having any interests in other males? And of course, the grass always looks greener on the other side. I would like to have thought that she would have come to her senses before the divorce thing, but since she has decided that she wants this to work out, you now have to consider all the time and energy you spent swallowing the fact that you were going to lose your wife and two children, has she even considered the fact that along with you fearing for your safety in a foreign country, that she has added many sleepless nights? What a coward to tell you that she doesn't know if she is in love with you while you are away fighting for the freedom of women, children, and men. I think that she has broken the trust factor.How Can you trust and believe anything she says now? I know love is hard to deal with, but it sounds to me that when you make it back to the states, that the two of you need to seek counseling immedialtely.

Answer 3

Sorry about your situation and I wish it were easier on you. My thoughts on this is that the time you and her are apart is numbing her feelings and the less time you are able to spend with her is damaging her love for you, it is like spending time with someone makes them grow closer, you and her hardly spend enough time together for her to remain the same in the feelings toward you, even though you love her and she loves you the time apart is making her wonder if she even really knows you, at one time she did and knewe that but that was when you were visable and near now you being so far away she feels there is nothing being put in her bucket and she wonders how well she does know you. She wonders if you are faithful and at times probably thinks that you are not... It is the games of the mind in absence that cause these mixed emotions and thoughts.

Send her a mystery package with a bunch of goodies you've picked out for her and the kids from your heart and many of them, send her cards and gold jewlery, fun things that you would find there but not here in the states, be creative it can be toys chocolate, money a veriety of things send photos as well. Also you do not know what is happening here with the friends and buddies, I'm not saying anything is going on I'm just saying friends and buddies have a way of putting things into the mind that normally wouldn't be there if it weren't for them. I think I'd be happy with her changing her mind and just work on the future, relax b/c she has come to a decision, told you about it and now this is what you have left to work with. It is very hard being away from your spouse, and war and the military make it harder b/c we at home, the women waiting for you always has this fear that you don't know about, and that you are never coming home. Every time you talk on the phone she wonders if it will be the last time she'll hear your voice this tug and pull is hell and makes you want to move on yet makes you want to wait, it is normal for mixed feelings to be there, it is a very hard time for the two of you and the children at this time but trust in what the future has to offer and please have an opened mind and allow room for trial and error - mistakes can and may happen and the messages to the mind are what drives a person there to begin with please be understanding even if you are not. Remind her often you'll soon be home and talk about the things you can't wait to do with her and the children. (I was engaged to a man for 10 years that was in the military and when he was deployed I messed around I didn't want to, it just happened and I didn't mean too, I was just so very loanly and needed effection at least she has children unlike I did and the effection she recieves from them may be enough, This is how and why I know what she is feling and going through and can relate) - call her often and forgive her if you find out later that she had made a mistake like I did. He forgave me but there were many other problems, he was physical and ended up sleeping with my maid of honer 5 mos. before the wedding. So much the better I am much happier now! In my case it just wasn't ment to be. Good luck and rememberyour time away is temporary but has a huge effect on things. Be safe! Love and light!

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your pain. I wish it could go away due to the face that you are in another country! But hopefully this will help you better understand from a woman's perspective. You're gone, a lot, so there's that love missing back home and she's lonely, probably stressed from the kids by taking care of them alone, working, being that 'mom' and trying to maintain her sanity too. She misses you, no doubt, but you aren't there to be with her. NO WAY am I telling you that it's okay for how she's acting.....is she being loyal to you? It seems to me that when she wanted a divorce, maybe she was cheating, but now that she's changed her mind, she wants to work it out b/c you are her husband, she loves you dearly, and she feels guilty for not being faithful. I'm NOT SAYING that she has cheated, but you need to ask her to be honest with you okay? Talk this out! When are you coming home? Maybe everything can be put on hold while you're away and then talk this out when you return. I feel for you. I am sorry and my heart goes out to you. I'm not married but deeply in love and I would just be heartbroken if my man was overseas. But in no way shape or form would I ever cheat! It's just not an option/thought. Good Luck. Let us know how things turn out okay?

Answer 5

It's obviously a delicate situation, and I'm not sure what I would have done if I were you, but I think that if your wife decided to divorce you, I'm sure she didn't come up with this idea lightly and she gave it a certain thought, so I think that even though she changed her mind, she can do it again and decide that she wants to get divorced after some time, or she decided not to divorce for the sake of the children and not because of her love to you, so if I were you, I would have divorced her and build another family with a person that loves and respects me and wants to spend her life with me because of who I am and not because of other reasons.

Answer 6

First, i really feel for u. Maybe it is the strain of u being gone that confuses her. Sounds like she does not know what she wants. I feel it is unfair to you as u r gone and serving our country.

Did u know legally as u r out of the country, u can protest a divorce? It is called Soldiers and Sailors Relief Act. As u r not in America right now and r not free to be there. I had this problem when my husband was in Germany. He did not really want me, but didn't want to divorce me either. I had to wait until he was back in the U.S. Ask your CO or a legal person u know. If that is what u chose to do.

In my opinion, she should wait till u r free and work out the divorce/no divorce thing.

Good luck and God Bless You over there!!

Answer 7

When a significant other is gone for a long period of time it is hard to stay in love. People sometimes forget why they fell in love with that person. Love is easy to come by but something you need to work at, over time the spark flickers out and the relationship may get boring, it takes effort on both parts to keep that spark alive. In your situation, its harder because you are not there to help with that effort. If she is having second thoughts ask her what made her change her mind. Maybe she relized that she did say till death do us part. On another note. Thank you for serving our country....you are a brave soul

Answer 8

You know my man used to be in the navy. Not when we were together though,,,,but he tells me so many stories of females that leave thier men and cheat on them while they are in other countries or whereever. I never believed that until i have read so many stories about it. Me personally im not the type to ever cheat on my man no matter where you are or what you are doing. So its hard for me to understand why alot of these women do this to men they supposably loved before they left,,and why thier love changes when they leave. But i hope for you that you and you rwife can work things out. If you cant deal with a man thats going to leave for his job,,then why get married in the first place?? Save everyone the pain of divorce. I dont know what to tell you,,,just good luck with your wife and i hope everything works out for you and your family.

Answer 9

have walked in your shoes my friend, i had a lover that said that same line to me. when the dust settled i finally understand what that line meant, it means she loved me for what and who i was, but did not love me in the way that would allow us to be together forever. the fact that she told you that well you were across the world, would force me to assume that she had someone else in her life, and now that she has realized that it was not going to work out. she wants to try again. the problem as i see it, is she felt no remorse for looking in the first place. that tells me you had relationship problems before you got deployed. and will if unless she opens up and becomes completely honest about everything that took place well you have been deployed.

Answer 10

Just stay married and see what happens if after you get back things do not get any better then seek a divorce. I think she has alot of ba--- asking for a divorce while you are over in a foreign country fighting for your life. she seems like she has not made up her mind about what she wants. If she is still wishy washy when you get back then file for divorce. Good luck and god bless.