The lesbian question brought one step further.?

Question

Ok I heard you all, but I too have been molested and mistreated by men. Being a gay male it was quite a double wammy so to speak. Not only as a teenager did I deal with my molestation but also back then I was told I wasnt gay it was the molestation that did this to me. Wanting so badly to be straight I believed them and put myself through much more pain then was necessary.
However I did not nor do I generalize my feelings toward one complete gender do to the phediphiles that molested me.
I think more then not I identify as a straight female and how she would have felt being molested by a man since my naturaul identity is gay and that is how I was made.
So it is not with hate or anger I ask these questions it is with love and concern for all. So why is that torch of hate carried by so many lesbians, I say this do to all of your answers, many filled with hate and doubt at me for raising such a question.
Why so much hate?

Answer 1

I hope you didn't take my answers as hateful, as I tried to answer honestly.
I'm sorry you went through being molested. you were an innocent victim, it was not your fault! my partner was molested by her father as a teen. she blocked it out for years and went through (and still goes through) a hard time because of it. it came back out in therapy. I have known many other people who were molested as children, and it does play a major role in being able to trust people as you grow older. most of the people I have met who've been molested are straight, however. people make the assumption that that is something that will define your sexual orientation, but it doesn't. I think we are all born predisposed to one sexuality or the other, no matter what kind of environment or experiences we have in our youth.
I was born to straight parents, and was never molested, never knew anyone gay growing up, never met anyone gay until long after I realized I was. I was never attracted to men nor have I ever been with a man. I do not hate or mistrust men, in fact, I have male friends.
for a majority of us, it's not hate at all, it's simply....we're just not interested sexually.

Answer 2

It has never been my experience that lesbian women hate men in general, but rather that they hate certain individuals or certain types of men, or certain behavioral patterns they commonly encounter from men. All of that is understandable, I feel the same way at times, and I am a man. It has been my experience that many, if not most, hetero men are so full of themselves that they honestly cannot conceive of anyone not wanting them sexually, so a woman who isn't interested, especially an attractive woman, hits them at a very core level. Since they can't accept that there is something wrong with them, even if it was just being born the wrong sex for that particularly lady, they assume there must be something wrong with her, and either respond with insults, usually quite obscene, or denigration, treating them like something-not someONE- from a porn movie. This also the cause of a lot sexual-harassment: "Hey, she didn't complain!" "Oh yeah, then what do you call her calling the cops?" Having been raped or molested as a child may contribute, but is not causative, I've worked with victims of both crimes, and they are no more likely to become gay or man haters than people who'd had no such trauma. You should try just listening, many people will be courteous and receptive to courtesy if given a chance, it's mostly a matter of showing respect for them as people, and everyone is entitled to that.

Answer 3

I don't think lesbians "hate men", I am sure there are some who hate men, I am also sure there are straight females who hate men. Lesbians I think often get the "man hater title" because they don't want to have sex or a relationship with a man. I have heard it many times in a bar or club, hey baby can I buy you a drink, wanna dance? No thank you, oh you must be a F'ing dyke, is the usual come back after that from the man. I think lesbian's are protective of themselves. It seems 8 out of 10 times if I let a straight guy know my own feelings, their first statement after that is dude cool, can I watch?
For the record, i have never been molested by anyone.

Answer 4

I think your previous question about some lesbians hating men was a good question overall. I was never a victem of rape or severely battered although my ex-husband did rough me up a few times. But again, this is not why I am a lesbian. I just was lucky enough to find my soul mate in this life time and she is in the form of a woman! I had also addressed the issue of men being a disappointment to women and how women expected certain things from the men in their lives. You brought up a good point, too, in that I think women tend to generalize and catagorize ALL men into that disappointment catagory. Which isn't fair really. I think that women, as well as men, have a choice in who they bring into their lives. If it is not a healthy relationship be it romantic, frienship, and yes even family related...remove yourself from that relationship! As in your case with molestation...you really didn't have a choice and I'm certainly NOT suggesting otherwise! I'm not sure if this is the line of thought you were intending when posting this but this is simply my afterthoughts about the lesbian-man-hating issue! A great Tuesday to all!

Answer 5

It might be how you are asking questions. That's always the first place to start. Alot of times what we want to say in our head does not work out that way on the computer. Nuances, that allow us conversation in real time, don't exist here.

However it might also simply be because its easier to hate than it is to love. Love takes a complexity of spirit that some people just aren't ever going to put forth the effort for.

And to be fair, self protection has developed out of just cause. While your experiences are equally important , until the issue of abuse and molestation is on a level playing field I think women are going to be resentful and defensive. Too many times our issues only take on importance when it also happens to a man.

Answer 6

I simply question your motives.

I don't hate men, or you for that matter. I still believe you're asking out of your personally narrow perspective.

I resent that you keep insisting on your point of view that "most" lesbians hate men.
It's just as bigoted a point of view as the bashers.

I've never been molested, so I can't imagine what emotional pain and scaring that must put on you. I'm not fully lesbian, I'm bisexual, but I don't think that should matter, I'm still female and I'm also a feminist.
I DO NOT HATE MEN!

I don't think so many lesbians do actually hate men as you claim. I actually don't know any lesbian who truly hates men at all.
You'd think I would after my terribly abusive marriage to a man, but I don't. I love men. I just don't want one in my bed...at least not at the moment. I'm not inclined to cheat and I've been with my current partner for ten years. I love her and would never do anything to hurt her.
But I cannot say that if anything were to happen to her or to our relationship (Gods forbid) that I would never be with another man. She knows this but it's simply not an issue as we're committed to our relationship.

Answer 7

Sorry u think that but its not so.I am a lesbian and I was also married to one of the most wonderful men on the planet but I couldn't love him the way he deserved because of who I was .I don't now nor did I then HATE men ,I just don't have the sexual desire for a man.

My best friend is a male and he completely understands me as I do him.I just depends on the person and situations they have been in and how they deal with being molested.U can either get over it or it will haunt u forever and u will miss out on life.

Answer 8

I tread lightly here as being a man I fear I have no real insight. But from the women I know that find love with other women, most of them don't have a real hatred towards a man. But more to society. The ones that I know feel rejected by society as a whole, but also know that men have a sexual desire to consider two women. So they feel and hate the hypocrisy. They also don't need men. They tend to be strong and smart women. They find love with each other. So they don't need men, and hate that they men see their sexuality as to gain the mans favor. But I said before that they don't have the hatred towards a man. I am a man (lets face it I am a child in a man body, I am far from being a man) and the gay women I know honestly like me. They enjoy my personality and being around me. So they do not hate all men, but there are aspects of males that they do hate.
This being said I am sure there are gay women who hate everything about men. I am sure there are straight women who hate everything about guys. I am just lucky not know them.
b

Answer 9

Great question!
I'm straight and I have no respect for men, not that I hate them, I do not trust them. I was also a victim of molestation, though I did not turn to women for comfort. I became untrusteing toward men.
Hope this helps.

Answer 10

I was never molested, so I harbor no ill feelings towards anyone. I'm sorry for what you went through, and I'm so glad you're a better person for overcoming it.