I was 13 he was 17 when we started going out he was my first for everything, the first boy i kissed. 6 years later we have a 5 month old daughter together and 1 week ago i found out he had been seeing someone else for 4 weeks. I kind of knew it in my heart but didnt want to except it because he was telling me he loved me and no matter what he ever did in 6 years whenever he said those words I LOVE YOU i was blind to anything he did. This time i wasnt he was going out with her the night i confronted him (when i did he laughed in my face) i told him if he went i was gone, he went, i left. now i have to support my 5 month old daughter mentally, emotionally and financially while she is crying for her dad. We have spoken and i cant seem to bring myself to hate him. I have never been with another guy and feel like now i wont ever be. I looked after him for 6 years did everything he wanted is this why he did this to me. Now he is with her they became official the day we split.
2006-10-23 20:44:34 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Oh sweetheart... you need to give yourself time to recover from this... Find comfort with your family...
Believe me... he will never change....
You have the advantage of age on your side... make yourself and your daughter a new successful future without him.
Good luck.
2006-10-23 20:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because, sweetheart, I know it feels like hell now, but 13 (or even 17, or 19) is TOO YOUNG in this day and age and culture to make relationships that will last for ever.
Do you like the same music you did six years ago? The same films? Adolescence is a time to grow and experiment and learn about yourself - and at the heart of that process is change. You can't avoid that. Actually it's rather amazing the relationship lasted 6 years - 6 months or 6 weeks is probably a more common lifespan for them at that age.
Having children takes any relationship out of being a teen romance into the cold light of reality - and changes fundamentals about how you are together. It stops being about you and your feelings for each other, and becomes about how good you are at putting other people first when you and they are under stress, seeing them at their worst, most grungy, tired and snappy, and finding you're grown up enough for that to be emotionally satisfying enough to live with. He obviously isn't adult enough for that. Some people never are.
His relationship with his daughter though is not something he can walk away from because it is no longer exciting and he's not getting enough attention anymore (and for some men, anything less than being the centre of his girlfriend/wife's world is not enough). He made her, he has responsibilities to her, both financial and emotional - and you are the one that she is depending on to make sure he lives up to them. Don't let him off the hook on that. Get proper legal advice. You probably don't want to hear this now, when you are hurting so much yourself and your life feels in pieces, but she really does need you to be more than adult here - to be calm, strong and try and keep a civilised relationship going with her dad, even if you feel anything but calm and civilised, and even if he makes it difficult.
However godawful it all seems now, you WILL move on, and in a few years will hardly remember this man as anything but a bittersweet memory of your own growing up. And it won't be easy for a while, but you and your daughter will have fun along the way if you let yourself, and don't let this betrayal sour life for you. There are lots of nice guys out there who do know how to handle responsibility, and the meaning of real love and commitment. When you're ready, you'll find one.
2006-10-24 04:22:35 · answer #2 · answered by categ 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are more gentlemanly ways of breaking off a relationship than simply seeing someone else. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. This shows you that in the 6 years you've spent together, he hasn't grown up a bit and his pecker is still the dominant thinking organ. I know that you still feel for the guy - it is so difficult to break this attachment - but you need to realise what a punkass he is and also realise that you are better off without him.
I would do exactly what the first person to post here said - take the bastard to court for every bloody penny you are owed for your poor daughter who has a piebald, scummy, underhanded rat for a father. And for the love of Mike, don't take him back if he comes back to you. It takes a lot of guts to say no, but you will be the stronger for it if you do what's best for your daughter. If you take him back, he will continue to use you both.
All the best, girlie! You'll make it just fine :)
2006-10-24 03:56:21 · answer #3 · answered by Disgruntled Biscuit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you have had no other life except for him, so of course you feel at a loss. One thing, your daughter isn't crying for her dad at 5 months old. Only you are her world at this point. It is possible he is having something similar to a midlife crisis, thinking he is missing out on something. He was pretty young too, for a steady relationship, but you were just a baby. If you don't have family to turn to, try your church group or a counseling place. They can get you in the right direction. Assume he is gone for good and make your plans for your new life. If he wakes up and wants you back you can always talk, but the best course is worrying about yourself and baby first.
2006-10-24 03:59:51 · answer #4 · answered by busybody12 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel really sorry for you. Please dont take him back. As when he finally relises that ALL women are the same eventually he will come crueling to you. Now being your first love and first everything its very hard to let go. Especially now you have a 5 month child. I would be an adult and no matter how much it kills you act like you are not bothered. Start looking out for this child. Shes only 5 months old so she will never know who her father is so dont worry about that. But if the child sees you suffering then the child will suffer and im sure you dont want that. If it was me, i would go away me and my child for a break get my head straight. Start looking forward, things happen for reasons you werent meant to be with this guy. You always have to remember in the back of your head if you want him back he will cheat on you again and again and again........ Tell him you want money for support and he can have the child every other weekend,. Now when he has the child that weekend you get out and let your hair down, you are still young. I promise you this, once he sees you mean business it will hit him hard, he will come running back but you cant take him back. Start this weekend, have the weekend to yourself and get out there show the world your FREE and SINGLE with a beautiful baby. Take your mind off him get hobby go to mother and toddler club, as soon as you feel like your depressed do something positive, go to the doctors if you feel that down and he will give you a low dosage depressant to pick you up. Please listen to me, you will get over him it wont happen over night but i promise it will all work out for you.Trust me, start thinking ahead, get some money and get back out and enjoy yourself.... Hope this helps
2006-10-24 03:59:19 · answer #5 · answered by chicken 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now you feel hurt and disorientated. It is hard to see which side is up in life. The saddest thing about being a teenager is that we grow out of it. The people who meant so much to us suddenly seem like strangers.
I know some people marry their first date and live happily ever after; but they are few and far between.
Out of this mess you have a delightful daughter who you are now free to mould into a wonderful caring human being.
Go and get help so that you know what your and his parental rights are and then take some time to get you emotions back on track.
Look in the mirror and see the young mother and woman you have become. She is strong, loving and caring. You took the right stand and you don't have to hate him just be clear eyed about him.
There are plenty of good men out there. Many of them just as lonely as you, it just takes time.
First set your priorities for what you are going to do with the next five years of your life and then take time to enjoy the life that is just beginning.
2006-10-24 05:06:15 · answer #6 · answered by Christine H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because he's scum. I truly despise men who leave a woman with a child alone. Especially since I had no father. Your young so there is still hope to find love. But men like him make a bad name for all men. I hope that you can overcome the shame he has brought into your life. My mother went through the same thing with my father. I'm 19 and he has been nothing in my life since 4 so show much love to your child throughout her life and make sure at the right age or when she asks that you tell her about her real father. But the most important thing I learned from my mom is that always be there when she is in a time of need, because love heals all wounds and love to and from your child should help.
2006-10-24 04:10:08 · answer #7 · answered by Young Vito 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well firstly he is financially responsible for his child and if he is any kind of father he Will want visitation.
secondly he is playing you and you I hate to say it are being the fool..
you need to have more respect for yourself.. how dare you think you Will never find anyone else.. of coarse you will!!!!!!!!!!! and he is a fool if he thinks differently.
I personally think your better off without him... I believe in once a cheater always a cheater and I think once you find your footing you will be more confident than ever and be ready to take on anything and provide a great home and lifestyle for your daughter.. its all out there for you to grab.. do it while your still young.. you two together can take on the world!!!!!!!!! your happiness is so important.. what lesson are you teaching your daughter if you let him walk all over you.... if you are happy and confident your child will be... and she will be so proud of you... be strong!
2006-10-24 04:04:04 · answer #8 · answered by mum 2 Cameron and Ewan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One day you will look back on this experience and realise that you are a stronger better person without him. You haven't known anything else so the pain feels 100% worse. Be strong, you really do have the rest of your life ahead of you, and you never know,that when you meet someone else you'll probably realise what you have been missing and that he wasn't actually as good as what you thought.
2006-10-24 04:27:06 · answer #9 · answered by simon m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happens alot. I was a teen, when the father of my child dumped me. i was six-months-pregnant. He was my first everything, too. Like you, I did everything for him. That was probably the biggest part of the problem. He took advantage of my love and loyalty.
That was years ago. And, I realize now that the best favor he ever did for us was to leave. Someday, you will realze this, too. the guy is a cheat and a liar---just like my daughter's father.
2006-10-24 04:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by maggiebridget09 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just think about yourself and the baby now hon, some of us men dont know when we see something good in our lives so he just had his cake and left you dont worry hon he will regret it when the kid grows up and questions him he will feel it then and it will be to late as we have seen on some soaps men wanting to get into there childrens lifes when they are big and the children are not interested at all hes the looser hon not you just think about you and the child and everything will go into place hope that you wont let the child have his surname good luck
2006-10-24 03:57:12 · answer #11 · answered by rastaman D. 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋