My fiancee got laid off about 4 months ago. At first it was cool, because we both worked a lot and never got to spend any quality time with eachother. But recently, it's been rough. He's been actively applying to jobs, however, the industry he's in is slowing down (real estate) and it's getting tougher and tougher to find a job. I know he's frusterated, and so am I. I could see why he's depressed, and try to be understanding toward him and his situation. However; he's gotten to the point where he doesn't want to do anything. All he does all day is lay in bed, watch television and talk on the phone. I come home from work to a filthy house; and when I nag at him about it, he says, " All you do is nag me." I'm at a complete loss. I really don't know what to do. I become this evil person when I don't want to be. I try my hardest to bite my tounge, but it's hard; I find myself saying some outlandish things that hurt his feelings just because I am frusterated. HELP!
2006-10-23 20:21:53 · 14 answers · asked by danielle d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Have a cleaning day. Turn up the music turn off the phones and you take one room,,,he takes another or just tackle the same room. You get done quicker and then he does not feel like it is ALL on him. Tell him that you have projects you want to get done together. Once the house is clean... ask him to help you keep it up with your busy schedule and all.
2006-10-23 20:28:05 · answer #1 · answered by Shaunna H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is your decision to make. If you want to put up with it, then put up with it. If you want to leave him, leave him. Or you could kick him out for a little while...or take a vacation yourself. It may help to take a break. I was doing the same thing to my ex boyfriend ...
I wouldn’t work, I would not look for a job I just laid on the futon watching T.V. I think all I did was laundry and eat. It all just got worse. Eventually I wouldn’t even exercise. I would beg him to buy my food, because I didn’t want to leave the house. I just went straight to the refrigerator, shower, and the living room to watch T.V. That is ALL I did everyday. Besides putting makeup on every day . I even stopped washing my face. Gaining 100lbs was enough punishment but he would also say I needed to go home, or I would say it too
so I would just go stay with my parents for a month or two...and that would pick me up for a little bit but not for long.
Eventually I moved out though for good and it is taking a long time to get back to normal where I even go out during the day and find a steady job.
I also think that maybe he is codependent so you could wean him slowly away from your home because when my ex was letting me do that he was just letting it happen by NOT kicking me out. The best thing I suppose would be to kick him out but that is up to you. Because the longer he stays there the longer he will get used to it.
I don’t stay with my ex anymore and I am verrryyyy slowly getting used to not doing that kind of stuff, but it is getting better.
2006-10-24 03:50:35 · answer #2 · answered by buterflikizes20 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't really ask a question here, so I'll just venture an opinion....
You say you're engaged - so what you have described is the life you have to look forward to when you are married! Your man has a lack of ambition and respect for himself or you, and he is showing that to you every day. Looking for a job should be a job in itself - up every day early and out the door - looking. Even if he is not finding his "dream" job, he should be looking for something. You had better talk to him long and hard about this. Perhaps he needs to seek counselling.
2006-10-24 07:13:39 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand real estate is slow (my husband is in it too) however, another job on the side won't hurt. he needs to help you out one way or another. remind him of expenses; rent/mortgage, etc. if he's looking for work that's great; but in the meantime, he must tidy up the house a bit too. let him know, if the tables were turned .. would he expect the house to be cleaned when he returned from work?!
2006-10-24 04:51:08 · answer #4 · answered by Daisie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for him to go he does not want to get a job has that occured to you yet? You have been carrying the full load and you are going to continue to do so unless you get rid of him and find yourself someone that is willing to help you and make you feel like they are contributing to the welfare of the household get rid of that loser. good luck and god bless.
2006-10-24 07:52:50 · answer #5 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him "look this isn't going to work, you have to find a job and i don't care if you have to go to Mcdonalds. You don't do any thing around the house, I work all day and come home to pig sty, get it together or get out!!!!!!!!" and if that doesn't work try Jerry Springer
2006-10-24 03:25:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should spent a quiet moment with him and tell him to tell you evreything that is weighing him down . Understand whether he is making use of you or still really love and care for you but don't ask him directly like that , instead, probe him.
2006-10-24 03:35:07 · answer #7 · answered by lulu wasp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to be straight with him..it has been four months, you make me angry when you dont clean up around the house. you need to get a job or move out within 30 days.
2006-10-24 03:25:12 · answer #8 · answered by marilee w 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is more angry with himself than he is with you.
He sounds very depressed.
Men often validate themself by the work they do and the money they earn.
He can't face it anymore and he has given up and become pretty much dysfunctional
2006-10-24 03:29:48 · answer #9 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest mortgage brokerage to him...that may spark a new interest in him...Good Luck
2006-10-24 03:25:39 · answer #10 · answered by Diamond in the Rough 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋