How does an unnatractive bi guy find some peace?

Question

Laying at on the line for your mercy. I'm a guy. I am totally 100% without a doubt attracted to hot women. I love boobs, down under, the smell of a woman, how they walk and talk and I love to have sex with them. I am emotionally attracted as well. The problem is is that I have NEVER been able to attract this kind of women. I guess I'm not that good looking or my personality is bad, or whatever. The women I can get bore me or they are basically not "doable". I wind up being alone. Ok it gets better. I have these gay fantasies that i think crept in over time and I have even tried gay sex and I can even say that I have enjoyed it sometimes. But its like, its just gross to me to kiss another man and be all intimate with them. I can't get a relationship with going with a guy or a girl. I'm confused, dismayed, and lonely and this has been going on for years and its cycle never seems to end. Help

Wow these are some really good answers exhibiting a lot of great wisdom. They are helping me a lot. Cheers

Answer 1

First of all, you have to give yourself some positive boosters. If you gave yourself that self-label of "unattractive" during adolescence, dump it. Get rid of it. Such language has no place in the self-view of yourself. If you seriously took a look at not only your physical self but your emotional and spiritual selves, I am sure you would come up with quite a number of positive boosters that would make you feel better about yourself as a man and human being. People (women and men) sense it when you don't hold a positive image of yourself.

Another thing you have to realize too is that people who don't have a positive view of themselves isolate themselves at a very early age so they have very little social (note I said "social" and not "sexual") experience with the opposite sex. Have you done this? Is your situation becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy simply because you have had very little social experience with women?

I've got news for you about the gay fantasies bit. ALL men at some point in their lives have such fantasies. Some are gay, some are bisexual and some are straight. Many men cross the line into man-on-man sex when women are not available to them. They need to have their sexual needs filled and homosexual activity is one way of getting some sexual release. You have self-identitfied as a bisexual male. That's fine. But don't let that self-label limit you to not having a relationship with a woman.

My major suggestions: (1) think more of yourself as man; (2) date more women and don't expect every date to turn into a steady thing; (3) non-sexual things before sexual ones with a woman; (4) if you can change something about your physical self that makes you feel better, do it (lose weight, get a new haircut, etc.) and (5) keep going, don't stop until you find that special person who you want to spend your life with.

Trying gay sex does not make you a homosexual or even a bisexual. (You did self-label though and when you said you enjoyed sex with a man but disliked kissing and more intimate activity with a man, that immediately made me think of bisexuality at some level. You might be a bisexual fellow, but I doubt that you are a 50:50 one; you might very well be something more like 75% attraction for women and 25% attraction for men.)

Well, I hope this helps you.

Answer 2

Ok...let me give you some advice from a chick who lived the hetero life for a very long time...and VERY unhappily!

You need to change your perspective of women. Women are not just there for your sexual pleasure. There is more to a woman than her **** and boobs, alright? You'd be amazed at what a turn on it is to find an intelligent woman with whom you can bond with both mentally, emotionally, as well as physically. The sex should only be the bonus, my friend. I can tell you that if I were ever (for some bizarre and unknown reason) decide to return to the hetero lifestyle you would be the exact kind of man that I would run from! And let me tell you when I was in my younger years and dating men...hunny...I dated some UGLY ones, too. But I am not one to go on looks. Someone with a strong pesonality has always been one to crank my tractor more than someone who was highly physically attractive.

Second...let me suggest that you pull some funds out of your savings or pay check and take yourself on a shopping trip. Get yourself some new clothes that make you feel really good about yourself. Take all day!!! Go get a new haircut from someone that is a reputable hairstylist. Begin to do things that will boost your confidence. I've never been one to have patience for self-help books but if you like that kind of stuff start doing some research and find a book or two that will help you.

Sounds like you need to find yourself and work on your attitude about women!!!

: - )

Answer 3

First, I have always lived by a simple rule.That rule is: Go for those who are equal in attractiveness as yourself.Once you allow yourself to have that rule I would say that you should open up to people a bit more and stop judging people on looks because clearly you have a problem with your own looks.

Second, you need confidence.Something that you don't sound like you have based on this question.Stop thinking of yourself as the "unattractive bi guy".I have another rule about looks.That rule is you are only as attractive as you feel.Clearly you feel bad because you talk bad about yourself.You need to stop thinking of yourself in the negative.Try taking better care of yourself.Work out.Eat well.Get a new hair cut.Dress nice.have confidence.And never allow anyone to make you feel bad about yourself or your appearance.The minute you do is the minute you will be unattractive.

Finally, don't be so picky.It doesn't matter what your taste in women or men is.The reality of life is that you get what you want when you don't want it.So stop wanting something specific!

Answer 4

Women: Unattractive men get hot women all the time. Not much you can do about your looks...maybe work on your appearance and personality. Well-dressed, charming, witty, and funny works great. Try to take your eyes off their boobs and down under region...make some eye contact.

Men: I think it unlikely you would ever have a long-term intimate relationship with a man if you don't like kissing guys. But maybe you can find a like-minded buddy.

Answer 5

until you love yourself unconditionally you cant possibly love someone else. you need to ease up on the pressure you're putting yourself under. you have set yourself up for failure by having unrealistic ideas of what you want. honestly looks dont matter after the first 5 minutes. haven't you ever seen someone male of female who was plain or even ugly (by societys standards) with someone totally hot and thought how did they get so lucky? it's called confidence, its the sexiest thing you can be. if you feel the need look into counseling to figure out where these self esteem issues stem from. try doing something to make yourself feel better, start exercising, go get some sharp new clothes, meditate, get a hobby you enjoy. just be happy being you, and if you're not happy with you as you are, change. become who you should be (spiritualy, emotionally) just try, you've got nothing to lose and almost everything to gain..........this is a favorite quote of mine, from francis bacon, think about it ..." truth emerges more readily from error than from confusion" good luck!!!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like you are stuck in a cycle. You think the issue is YOU, but maybe the issue is the way you approach relationships. When we get into a cycle of self defeat it can be very tough to break out of. Good luck.

Answer 7

You should worry less about what others think about you, and more about how YOU feel about yourself. Sounds simple, but it starts with your attitude. Believe that you are someone worthy of the best available, in every aspect of your life. The rest all falls into place. Trust me, if more people lived their lives that way, we'd all get closer to the elusive 'peace'.

Answer 8

just chill, it will all fit into place over time
i guess you are bi curious