boyfriend abuse part 2?

Question

I have been with him for a year. we just had a little girl about 3 months ago. i love and help him with everything. i try to do everything for him. but he always wants to be right. there is no winning with him. he's never hit me. but he's come at me, while i was sitting on the couch, to choke me, and he did it once when i had the baby in my arms. i know he needs help. is there a website about anger management? or something? what should i do? how can i help him or suggest counsling, with out him getting angry.

Answer 1

Please, dear heart; you need to leave. The longer you are in this relationship, the more your self-confidence will erode and the harder it will be to leave him. You may even begin to feel that you deserve the abuse or somehow bring it upon yourself by failing to be perfect enough. Abusers blame their targets or anyone and everything else for their own tempers and actions. And victims want to believe them because being abused doesn't make sense.

If he's coming after you now like that, after only a year, it's more likely than not to escalate. He may put you in the hospital or worse. Maybe you can't believe that guy who is usually so sweet to you and you love so much could ever do that. Believe me, it DOES happen, constantly.

There's absolutely no way to "get" someone else into counseling or "make" them want to change. The only person in your life you will ever have control over is YOU. Make the decision to change your OWN life. Don't concern yourself with trying to talk your boyfriend into changing. Unless he has a dang good reason of HIS OWN to change, he won't. This is absolute, irrefutable truth.

Finally, and most important, if you love your daughter AT ALL, (and I know you do), it is imperative to get out NOW. Even if he never comes after her in anger--(Which I seriously doubt. She'll likely get it too, and maybe worse, since she's smaller and more defenseless.)--she will forever be emotionally scarred by seeing the violence in your relationship. She will probably marry someone who abuses her. She may abuse her children. I'm not kidding or exaggerating. Get out for HER, if not for you. Please. If you are afraid, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for support.

Here is one helpful link: http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

Others may be found by googling "violence against women"

Even if he cries, acts desperate, promises to change, threatens to kill himself or tries to manipulate you in whatever ways, don't go back. He needs to have been working on his recovery for a good, long while before you should even think about returning. (And I personally think do not return even then. Once that physical boundary has been broken between you, it's nearly impossible to put it back together as far as an abuser is concerned.)

Oh, yes, the very BEST thing you can do to help him is to press charges for what happened. He needs to learn that there are consequences for his outrageous behavior. (I hope you still have bruises for evidence, if you received some. That will help your case.) After that, stay away from him. Restraining orders are not too easily enforceable, but you need to put one on him anyway, so he can be jailed if he violates it. Yes, all that may make him mad. So what? You are rightfully trying to protect your daughter and yourself. Make sure you both are somewhere safe, then do this stuff. Call a good friend, your parents, or someone else safe and go there.

Please, stay strong. Take good, loving care of yourself and your precious little one. You both deserve better.

Answer 2

u still don't get it - this is what he is. an angry person. if u were bigger than him he couldn't make u any harm so it would be fine staying with him. if he is bigger than u- he is really dangerous. there is no cure for anger no matter what people say. it ovewhelms u, mind becomes blank, there is nothing what this person can do at this moment. i have anger managment problems, but im a weak woman so i can't do any harm to anyone, but if i were big i would have probably put someone in a hospital by now. the only thing u can do - do not irritate him when u notice that he is on the edge. just stay shut. do not argue, no matter what he is saying. u might tell u love him, or cry a little, cause him this pity feeling to u. maybe this will stop him from hitting u. it all now in your hands. remember - no anger management courses or councelling or whatever will help him. he will stay what he is

Answer 3

How can I tell you this without it sounding like I think it's your fault, because it's not. Anyway, you are trying to control him.
You are looking for a way to tell him what he needs to hear, but in a way that won't make him angry.
The fact is, that when it comes to HIS anger, it's HIM that is at the root of his anger, NOT YOU.

Verbal abuse can be even more harmfull than the physical, especially where your baby is concerned. Your child needs a caring, nurturing, & safe environment to be raised in. Not one that is filled with anger, & anger is harmfull no matter how it's expressed.

You don't "suggest councelling", YOU DEMAND IT! If he doesn't get help, then you go help yourself & your baby by getting out of the relationship. Leave him, & if he wants to get you back, it will be on the condition that he learns how to control his anger one way or the other.

Answer 4

Oh sweety your really in deep aren't you?!!!! You have a little girl with this man? GET OUT NOW, get support from friends and family let them now what is going on. If you stay this man is going to kill you. If he is choking you with the baby in your arms,he doesn't care about you or the baby! You are a strong person but honestly how much can you take. Most importantly do you want your daughter to grow up thinking that living in or around abuse is o.k. Do you want her being with or marrying someone like your boyfriend/her dad? Its not just you anymore you have a little one, you can't change him he has to change on his own(he has to want to change) for himself,you and the baby!

Answer 5

ok first of all, if your husband has quite made you sense threatened or afraid on your very own residence - quite if your very existence has felt threatened by him - then it's time to get the hell out of there. notwithstanding if or no longer the guy is mentally risky is quite of no relevance right here by way of fact notwithstanding if a psychological ailment could desire to be blamed, that does no longer right now erase each and all the depressing emotions you have been having the place this occasion is worried. by the sounds of it, your husband as a predisposition for being paranoid, in all risk violent, etc. the guy quite has an anger project, that lots is sparkling. I recommend you run - do no longer walk - to the closest buddies abode or hotel (everywhere you sense risk-free), and write him a letter or call him and tell him which you will no longer return abode decrease than any circumstances till he has an identical opinion to get some professional help. And as quickly as you have achieved that, persist with your weapons and shop the confirm. you haven't any longer something to lose by doing this - and by sticking around in that risky situation, you're basically permitting him and perpetuating this vicious cycle. maximum suitable of large fortune. ~Tiggs

Answer 6

You know what, sometimes these guys grow out of that stuff, but it sounds like he really does have an anger problem sweetie, and it sounds so much like my situation. Mine slapped the crap out of me when I had my one month old son in my arms. And that was pretty early on in the relationship. And he really did love me. Sad thing is, I finally did leave him, and he is now in another relationship, and that poor girl gets it even worse than I ever did. He actually went to jail and had court ordered anger management. Which actually did help, if you can believe that. Every county has domestic violence programs. You should look into it when he is not home, call the violence line, just to get resources. Just to be educated about domestic abuse would be helpful for you. But you should know that most women who are in abusive relationships don't actually realize it until it is severe. There are many different types of abuse, and a whole cycle of abuse as well.
If you are planning to stay in that relationship, you really seriously need to educate yourself, and know all your right and options, because the time will probably come when you just can't stand it anymore, and usually by that time, you feel so hopelessly overwhelmed and feel like there are no options for you and you have no choice but to stay in that situation. If you go in informed and know all your avenues, you will be able to get out if you need to. No one deserves abuse, and its NOT ok ever! Hopefully your man is just immature and grows out of it, but without help, its pretty rare. I wish you all the luck in the world, and I hope it works out for you.

One more thing, you really really really need to think about your baby girl. How would you feel if you were watching her go through some of the things that you are going through? Because children learn what they live. If you raise her in an abusive relationship, she will grow up thinking that its normal and probably get into an abusive relationship herself. I am so sorry to preach, but if my experience can avoid just one person the dispair that I went through, then I am happy. Because this kind of stuff hurts......emotionally and physically. Good luck sweetie. Follow your heart, and listen to that little voice in the back of your head, because its usually right.

Answer 7

...you have GOT to be joking me. Not only is this SERIOUS, but there is an INFANT involved. You CAN'T be selfish at this point! What's most important to you? An abusive homelife or the life of your impressionable child? You have so much on the line now, and if you don't GET OUT right now, things will just go from bad, to WORSE in a heartbeat. Do you want that for your child? Do you want your child to grow up seeing that mess? Right now, that child isn't seeing anything but anger, and she's only 3 months old. What do you think she will see is okay in the future? She will see a man just like your boyfriend and she will think that it's okay because you were in that situation. He hasn't hit you yet, but he choked you, honey. CHOKED YOU. He'll kill you. I have no denying that he will. Push you down a flight of stairs, beat your brains in with a baseball bat, or buy a gun and pull the trigger. ANY man who is bold enough to wrap his fingers around your throat is bold enough to do that to his daughter as well. He'll kill both of you. You need to GET OUT OF THERE WHILE YOU STILL CAN! PLEASE... it's your future.. as well as your baby girl's. Please look at the Vera House website, they will help you out and get you away from that fool. No amount of counceling or medication is going to stabilize the imbalances in the mind of a possible psychopath. GET OUT. Please check that website out and take your child with you...

Answer 8

Girl if you don't have any brothers to whoop his A@@ then you need t o put a POO out on him and ban him form seeing your child until he gets help.. He could have really injured you and the baby as well.. I have Zero tolerance for Bitc&^ A@@ guys who hit and choke women...Forget about him getting angry you should be angry.. Call the police next time and let him stay in jail for 49 hours to cool off.. They will find him some counseuling or they will whoop his a@@ for you !!!

Answer 9

You need to get away from him ASAP. Counseling can help, but he needs to want to fix the problem himself. If you try and press him into counseling, he will probably not have his heart in it and won't get anything out of it. If he comes back after getting help, then you can cautiously give him a second chance, but you and your baby deserve better. If you wait until he does something really bad to you or your baby, it might leave you and/or your baby seriously injured or dead. Remember that you need to do what is right for your baby and keep her away from him until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE that he is not a danger to her.

Answer 10

The one that needs help is you. Leave it is only going to get worse. He does not respect you nor is he capable of learning that lesson as long as you are with him. Leave while you still can, it is best for you and your child.

A child growing up in a household where one parent uses fear and intimidation as a form of getting their needs met, will screw up the kid too. Much of our behavior is learned, is this what you want your child to learn?

Get out of this relationship now. Make an escape plan, let others whom you trust know and don't let him sweet talk you back into a relationship, his words are lies!

Oh, and press charges each and every-time he does anything (what he did is assault). Remember -- violence is progressive, and every-time he gets away with it, it will only embolden him to go further each time... meanwhile your self esteem will go down as will your ability to resist him and leaving him will only get harder.

Leave him now!!!