My husband says he can hardly stand to treat me well anymore because of things I did to him in the past.Before we got married I was wild and I partied and was on drugs,we both were.Now were christians hes even a minister hes so un happy in our marrige,it hurts me so bad what should I do divorce isnt an option its just wrong,but I dont want to feel like I make him miserable.Even if he divorced me I dont know what I would do,we have a child now so I could never go back to my old life style.I just need help im so upset and feel so bad about myself now im just confused im only 20 I still have decent options ahead of me no matter what right?What are they!Thank you for your help.
2006-10-23 17:13:36 · 13 answers · asked by Erica B 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh and let me also mention i didnt graduate high school so I would be left alone w/no way of supporting me ad my son
2006-10-23 17:33:16 · update #1
I don't have an answer for you but Jesus Christ dose.
Ask the holy Father or Jesus Christ for help.
He will always come through.
If your husband divorces you then he's the one who's wrong, not you. Worry about pleasing god first then your husband.
I will pray for you.
2006-10-24 11:18:43 · answer #1 · answered by erickallen101 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry Hun, in a way I know what you are going through. I am only 22 I have been married for 4 1/2 years and I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old both girls. Anyways, I was very wild, drank, did some drugs, had several sexual partners. Then I met my husband, he didn't really drink alot, but he was really bad into drugs. We had only been together for about 2 monthes when I found out that I was pregnant. I told him that it was either the drugs, or the baby and Me,,, He choose us. Well that is what I thought anyways. After a couple of years he changed jobs and went to work for my dad. He then started doing meth again, just every once in a while at first, the it became an all the time thing again. And I had only know about a couple of the times. When I had suspions about the all the time drugs use he told me that I was just imagining it, just to start a fight. Come to find out he wasn't just using drugs, he was cheating on me. My point is I never went back to the alchol or drugs. 1. I don't want to, 2. I have my two little girls I have to think about. I agree with you divorce is not right, but sometimes we have to do things we know are not right to make our lives better for us and our children. I am not saying that is what you should do, but if you both feel that is the best thing to do... then I say do what you feel is right.
I am going to ask you a question, If he married you knowing your past and knows that you have turned your life over to our Lord Jesus. And he is just now having a problem with your "PAST", I think there is more to it then what he is telling you.
Maybe you need to see a therapist, both of you together and find out what is really bothering him. I don't think that it is your past... I think there is something else.
2006-10-24 00:39:51 · answer #2 · answered by knlsmommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Erica,
You say that you both are now Christians and that he is a minister. How can this be if he won't forgive you of the past??
20 is so young to be married with a child and not happy.
Were you Christians when you got married? Does he take his vows to you seriously (like "for better or worse")?
The 2 of you should seek the advice of a Christian counselor.
Try to work it out before either of you give up.
If it does end in a divorce, you do have plenty of options ahead of you.
2006-10-24 00:24:16 · answer #3 · answered by Schlump 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly what kind of minister is your husband to sit in judgment of you? You need marital counseling, if he won't go, go alone. You have the right to be respected and treated well within a marriage. Anything else is abuse. Divorce is always an option.
2006-10-24 00:23:15 · answer #4 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all realize it is not you, but it is him. He is bothered by things you did? I think, if he looks deep inside himself, he is angry or hurting over something else.
You can't make him love you, but he owes it to you and the child to treat you with respect. Start tomorrow working on your GED....do not delay, get that done and behind you. then move on.
Sit him down, calmly ask him what he would like to do. Does he want out, does he want to work on it?
Just in case, have a plan. If he wants you to leave, or he wants to leave find out if a parent will take you in until you can get a job. or rent with a friends. Start looking at all kinds of things, including women's shelters that help women get back on their feet after divorce.
He doesn't sound like a very good minister if he can treat his wife this way. As Scripture says, he should love you as Christ loves the church. He is failing in that. He is the one who needs some help.
2006-10-24 00:55:00 · answer #5 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is obviously a conflicted man. He is a minister yet he cannot forgive, which is one of his Lord's commandments? I think your only option is marital counseling. If he does not agree, then at least go for yourself. He can change if he choses to, but he needs to understand that his unforgiveness will continue to drive a wedge between both of you. Maybe it's himself that he cannot forgive. He is supposed to be your spiritual leader, and he feels that because of his own past he has lost respectability in your eyes. Only a trained counselor can help both of you sort this out.
2006-10-24 00:30:27 · answer #6 · answered by simone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why, when your husband is a minister is he unable to treat you well ? Doesn't the God he believes in show forgiveness ? If he is unable to show compassion, forgiveness and empathy to his own wife then I'm afraid he should not be a minister. Try speaking to him, or maybe to some hierarchy in the ministry, I hope the two of you will be able to work through your problems.
2006-10-24 02:29:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said you husband is a minister and he treating you like that. well if he is a man of God he suppose to forgive and forget what you did in your past. if he can't forgive you how will God forgive him. he need to go back and look up the mean of minister because no minister i know act like that. but these days everyone is calling them self a minister. pray that's all i can tell you to do.
2006-10-24 00:25:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care what religion you are, NO ONE deserves to stay in a marriage where the other person disrespects you. Everybody has a past! Everybody!! No one is perfect, not even him!! Run that up his flagpole honey see how he likes it.
Next time he talks down to you, tell him to go jump in a lake and start putting your stuff into boxes. Let's see if his tune changes then.
Don't take CR@P from anybody.
2006-10-24 00:59:06 · answer #9 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i wasnt married but i was in the same situation as you. I know you love em but you really have to focus on whats really important. I would try counsling first. Then if that doesnt work try prayer. If he really doesnt want to be with you, then you must let go of the marriage. If you hold on to something thats not holding on to you then how does it hold. Good luck in whatever you decide.
2006-10-24 00:29:47 · answer #10 · answered by Kimi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋