My history professor seems to think he's also an English professor and grades pretty strict on our essays. What's the best way to write this intro? Here's what have:
The Declaration of Independence, established in 1776, is an important document to United States history. British colonists outlined many reasons for the decision to declare independence from England to include, what the colonists felt a proper relationship between governments and the people should include, the neglect of duties imposed upon King George III, and the failure of the British government to respond to the pleas and heed the warnings of the colonists as the British government usurpation on colonist's lives became more apparent.
2006-10-23 17:05:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
problems:
Thesis - good start, use a word synonymous with (but other than) important
Your subpoints are not required to be included in one single statement, your thesis takes care of that. The way that you structured statement #2 is a run-on.
Divide these points into seperate sentences.
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to the person below who corrected your spelling:
"You're wrong."
2006-10-23 17:08:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Declaration of Independence, established in 1776, is an important document in United States history.
British colonists outlined many reasons for the decision to declare independence from England that include:
1- the need for a proper relationship between government and the people.
2 - the duties imposed by King George III
That stuff about "usurpation" is just too vague.
2006-10-23 17:17:49 · answer #2 · answered by Jay 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Declaration of Independence, signed in 1776, is an important document in United States history. In it, the colonists outlined the "long train of abuses" commited by the British rule, and included reasons for why the colonies should become indpendant from England. The colonists felt that a proper relationship between governments and the people should be established. This attitude was the result of the neglect of duties imposed by King George III, the usurpation on colonist's lives, and the failure of the British government to respond to the pleas for improvement.
2006-10-23 17:12:32 · answer #3 · answered by shooda487 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The Declaration of Independence is an important document in United States history.
It was established by the Thirteen United States of America and signed in 1776 to declare independence from England. The colonists wanted to rule themselves and no longer be ruled by King George III and the British government. This was their way of notifying the king, and the world, that they intended to separate and start their own government.
The document was drafted by Thomas Jefferson between June 11 and June 28, 1776, and signed by representatives of all thirteen colonies on July 4, 1776.
The document states that the colonists wanted specific liberties for individuals. It also listed grievances against the king to show the reasons for their quest for independence. Those issues included the following: they were being taxed without representation; they were being cut off from trade; their rights were being infringed on; and they were not allowed to make or enforce their own laws.
The colonists felt it was within their rights to abolish the old government and create a new one, to better serve the needs of the people of new country, The United States of America.
2006-10-23 17:32:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What word processing program are you using? I would get rid of the word "usurpation". Secondly it has to be one of the longest run on sentences I have seen in many a year.
Most of the newer word processing programs have grammar check as well as spell check. Try that.
2006-10-23 17:15:05 · answer #5 · answered by CatLady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
independence= independAnce
Plus, the whole paragraph is only 2 sentences long, the second one being a run on sentence. Paragraphs are generally at least 4-5 sentences long. Try breaking it down because the second sentence was very hard to follow.
2006-10-23 17:10:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I find the paragraph very hard to follow. The sentences are too long. You need to break down the sentences and maybe change some of the wording as it is really hard to understand.
2006-10-23 17:19:28 · answer #7 · answered by Lydjos 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm an English teacher, and I give Shooda487's rewrite 2 thumbs up. He did an excellent job rewording your passage and organizing it.
2006-10-23 17:15:57 · answer #8 · answered by MissM 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
is a vital document to ........???? All I can offer, it sounds OK to me, but, I not a picking History Professor gone English.
2006-10-23 17:17:29 · answer #9 · answered by Snaglefritz 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
first and best no you will tension u to do something i might top with reference to the pros and cons of the hot help plan u won't be able to permit absolutely everyone get rid of ur recommendations and targets GOD BLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2016-10-02 21:41:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋