For the last couple of years I've been having, I guess you could say an emotional affair with a married man. We've never had sex, we've talked about it but haven't actually done the deed. I have strong feelings for this man and I think he does for me as well. I consider him my best friend. Currently he's having some serious martial problems, well his marriage has been bad for a long time. He's found out that his wife is and has been cheating on him for a long time. I'm completely torn at the moment, on one hand I know that I need to just back away and let him figure this on his own, but at the same time I feel like I can't just walk away from him because I know that he needs a friend in his corner. Plus my feelings are making it hard to walk away. I'm driving myself crazy because I want to be with him but I don't want to tinker any more than I already have in his marriage. If he leaves, I want him to do it for his own reasons, not because of me. Any advice would be great.
2006-10-23 17:05:34 · 25 answers · asked by Tigerlillie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don t back away, but don t move in for the kill either. Just be in one spot for him to move closer or farther away. He does not need pressure now, but he does need support. If you nudge him toward leaving, any angst will later become "your fault" and that is a situation that breaks up relationships. Be a friend as always and a lover at heart.
2006-10-23 17:43:33 · answer #1 · answered by J. F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
always remember...how you met him is how you will lose him. it sounds like you really want to be with this guy, just dont put anymore feelings than you already have and think of him as a friend. If you've had an emotional affair for two years and he was married at the same time, he sounds like a needy person. The problem with needy people is that what you give them is never enough. If he does leave his wife, it wouldn't be because of you. They may have marital problems because of other reasons and some men are good in playing victims. Just be careful, you could be an escape goat.
2006-10-23 17:40:09 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want him to leave on his own reasons...be sure to not give him any of your own. Be the best friend that you have been...don't walk away...be there for him. You said you don't want to "tinker" any more in his marriage than you have already...that should be enough of an answer for you to keep your distance as far as anything physical. It would be a shame if you crossed that line to only end up being the "rebound" girl, or especially... to end up having him work things out with his wife. The bottom line...he is still married and you should be nothing more than a very good friend with a wonderful ear and shoulder
2006-10-23 17:21:12 · answer #3 · answered by CK 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not to be rude but I don't even have to read your post to know what to tell you.
Stay away from married men for the following reasons...
1. If he is unhappy in his marriage then he is weak for not getting out.
2. Have respect for marriage vows. Marriages will always have problems and these problems can be worked out if a 3rd person isn't present giving someone an easy way out. And even if she had an affair it doesn't mean the marriage is over... It's not over until the divorce papers are signed.
3. If you can't respect the sanctity of marriage at least respect yourself enough to not allow someone to use you like this. Ok, I did read a little of it. He doesn't need a friend in his corner... he needs to grow a back bone. If he wants to be with you then he needs to do so... if he is unhappy in his marriage he either needs to fix the problems or he needs to get out...not wait until something better comes along.
2006-10-23 17:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you've been having an ". . . emotional affair. . . " for two years, there is no way I can see that he can make this decision without you being an influence. Emotions just simply do not switch on and off like that. Don't you think it would be easier for him to leave when he knows you are waiting for him? Would he still do it if he were to be alone? Maybe , maybe not. As long as you ARE in the picture, neither of you will ever know for sure. Next question- - - If someday you don't meet all of his emotional needs, will he seek help from a counselor? Or will he get it from another willing female?
2006-10-23 17:21:12 · answer #5 · answered by hellyeah 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is shaky ground, sister....be careful..Anytime you are in a relationship with a married person, there is a lot more to consider than meets the eye...even if he is having martial problems, a wife who finds out hubby is cheating is going to be rather ticked, and you could find yourself in danger...also, you are right that he is not really in a good place right now to be making decisions about another person.. Knowing that his wife has cheated on him no doubt hurts, and he is probably without even realizing it trying to pay her back..You stand to get yourself seriously hurt. Maybe you should take a step back...be there for him as a friend, and if his marriage falls apart, you can be there for support...When he heals, you would stand to have a much better person to develop a truly meaningful relationship with...And kudos to you for not sleeping with him yet...you don't want to sink to as low as what his spouse is doing...Hang in there and know that being patient pays off in the long run!!!
2006-10-23 17:18:49 · answer #6 · answered by help4you 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that men will say anything in order for you to think they are having marital problems. He could be lying to you about everything. He wants his cake and eat it too. There are so many men out in this world that are single. You should try to find your own man and leave him alone. Just say you fell in love with this man he leaves his wife and kids and you two get married what makes you think you are so special that he will not do this to you as well. Think before you go any further he probably has children and you do not want to be a homewrecker.
2006-10-23 17:44:42 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow an emotional affair can sometimes be worse than a sexual affair, but an affair is an affair is an affair
the bigger situation here is do not make yourself vulnerable to what is taking place in their marriage. no matter what choice he were to make right now it would not be based on you and his feelings for you. it would be based on his pain and situation he is going through now.
i know it is hard to back off but you have to for your sake and to save your relationship whatever the future will hold between the two of you. and whatever you do do not cross that line sexually or he will think of you just like he will about his cheating wife TRUST ME HE WILL.
let him know you care about him and all he is going through and will be an ear and a friend but that you think he needs space to work through his problems and step back.
if anything is meant to come between the two of you it will happen, just don't be the other woman it is no fun, especially when married people work through their mess...
2006-10-23 17:30:07 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure his wife is cheating on him?!!!... This is the lousiest excuse married men give when they want to have an affair. Does he have kids? if yes, then its not him and his wife only.. DO NOT DESTROY HIS FAMILY. and don't give yourself this crap that he needs your friendship. A good fried would help him make up with his wife and not hide behind the friendship to pull him away. You should just get a way from his way.. Gosh what is happening in the world, he is a married man!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-23 18:29:46 · answer #9 · answered by ivyhhhh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is having problems with his marriage and you are creating one more for him. You do NOT want to be called the "OTHER WOMAN" Keep you dignity intact. Stay out of it. If he and his wife work it out, you will end up being hurt. If they divorce and he turns to you don't count on him to be faithful with you. Eventually he will seek an emotional affair with someone behind your back. Find an man that is free to be with you.
2006-10-23 17:59:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋