My husband is cheating on me. We have two wonderful boys 3 and 5.?

Question

I still love him but hate what he is doing to me and the kids. The kids are attached so strongley to him, he loves them too. But I saw that he is looking for apartments to rent, which means that he is on his way out. I can't beleive that he is actually leaving, even if he doesn't love me anymore, I always thought the kids will make him stay. Don't get me wrong, I hate the fact that he cheeted on me, but I love my kids so much that I don't want them to hurt. I don't know what to do. On one hand I want to kick him out myself, on the other, I can not tolerate the idea that my kids will be exposed to this pain.. they are just to little. I am financially capable to raise the kids on my own, we have been married for 11 years

Answer 1

He choose the pain......you need to handle it.

Answer 2

If he wants to leave, there's nothing you can do. As much as it hurts, you'll have to just let him go. Don't worry about the kids, they have a great way of bouncing back. They're not the only kids in a single parent home and they won't be the last. I left my first husband 3 years ago when my boys were 13 and 11 and I don't regret it. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too and I knew I deserved better than that. Although it was hard (emotionally) at first, I was also able to support myself and the kids financially.

Today I look back and I would do it all over again. My boys are great, and I'm even better. Life goes on. In time, you'll heal and you'll grow from this experience. The only one that's missing out is your husband. He'll be missing out on living full time with his children and his wife, but unfortunately, that's a choice he's made and now you have to move on. I'm sure he'll be kicking himself in the *** when he sees how you've moved on. And for nothing in the world, open that door again! Once that chapter is closed, leave it closed and move on....don't go back!

Hang in there. Things will get a LOT better in time. One day at a time girl. Good luck!

Answer 3

If you figured kids were a bond, guess again. They are dividing, and it is extremely common that the guy checks out when a child is pretty independent -- about age 4, so he's right on target. Good that you have the background to support yourself, and your children. What usually appears in this site is something such as "My bf/husband is leaving, we have 4 kids, he's cheated, I have no where to go, and no education.What do I do???"

So what is your question?

Good that you can support yourself and your children, and when you get over the betrayal, get out there and find another guy. There are lots of neat men out there who had wives that cheated, so they know how it feels. Marriages are respect, admiration, passion and trust. When the trust goes, the rest does too. If a couple try to work through that, it is more than 2 years before it returns, if ever. Don't waste your time, sweetie. Ididn't, and a neat lady like shouldn't either. Your children will survive just fine. Kids are made out of rubber ----they bounce back pretty well.

Good luck. hon.

And PS. You don't love him, you love your IMAGE of what he is, and they for sure aren't the same......

Answer 4

It's very difficult anytime a relationship breaks up, but even more so when there are children involved. The best thing to do is talk about it with him. Don't accuse and yell, just talk. If he does want out, the best thing for your kids is to try to make it as painless as possible. You will have to deal with your husband for the rest of your life because of your children. Don't be hateful. I know it's hard, but it really will help the children in the long run. They need to know that even is mommy and daddy can't be married anymore, it doesn't mean that either one of you love them any less. And don't say mean things about him in front of the kids. It only makes divorce that much harder.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope it all works out for you in the long run. Be strong. Your kids will thank you for it one day.

Answer 5

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very painful. I know how you cannot believe the person who was suppose to be your best friend is hurting you like crazy. It is unfortunate but once men make up their mind, it's hard to change it. The fact that he is looking for a place already, you may have to accept that it is over. No matter how painful it will get, be strong for your children. If they see that you are honest with them in the language they understand and you show your controlled and well-managed emotions, they will also. The kids will be fine. If they see Mommy is okay, they will, too. Don't argue in front of them. Keep as much of their schedule and routine as possible. Keep what you tell them as light as possible. Take care. I wish you well.

Answer 6

The "lets stay together for the kids sake" argument is widely over used.. The "kids" will notice your relationship has fallen apart and feel the lack of love in the family.. There will or have been many fights between you. This is not a good environment for kids. The time is now to break up this relationship and to move on.. The children will adjust to their new situation as they are resiliant. And in the long run this will be the best scenerio for all involved..

good luck.. sorry to hear about your dileama... be strong for your kids...

Answer 7

I'm very sorry that you and your children are going through this. Honestly though, him leaving is probably for the best. My aunt and uncle stayed together for the kids (my 3 cousins) and it was a terrible situation. My cousins are in therapy, two of them are barely on speaking terms with my uncle because they blame him for their timultuous childhood.
On the other side, my husband and I divorced about six months ago and we have a three year old son. We take turns with custody (we both have him a week on, week off, and so on) and spend our 'off' Wednesday morning at the others house, spending time with our son mid-week. Many times we still do outings together and have done our absolute best to stay on good terms with eachother for our son. It has most certainly not been easy, but I have seen amazing results. When we first divorced, but son was visibly depressed. He cried, was terrified to be even one room away from me, had anger problems, night terrors, the works. Now he is happy and confident, he knows we both love him and that he can count on us whenever he needs us. I know it's difficult, but this may be the best solution for you. Also, if you know he is moving out, I would get on the ball and contact an attorney, if nothing else you need to get custody arrangements in place.
Hope this helps you and good luck with this.

Answer 8

Oh sweetie, I wish I could give you a great big hug. I feel your pain girl. You can't make anybody stay anywhere unless they want to. Hopefully, he grows up and gets counselling. If not, you sound like an awesome loving mom and your kids will recover. Just make sure you don't withhold your husband from seeing them and NEVER talk bad about their dad regardless of the truth. They'll figure it out soon enough. Here's a Dr. Phil quote "It's better for children to come from a broken home than live in one". Best wishes for happiness :-)

Answer 9

Put the kids to bed, and have a sit down with him. Don't be angry and accusatory, he will shut down. Just state simply facts, "Look I know that you have been with someone else and that you're looking for a place to live. Let's talk about this. I need to know what i can expect."

If you stay calm and don't get angry or needy, you might get some very valuable answers. The sad truth is - if he wants to go, nothing will make him stay and the kids--while it hurts will be okay - if you do not use them as a pawn in this horrible situation.

God bless!

Answer 10

You should tell him to look for an apartment with enough rooms for him and the two boys. He thinks he is going to walk away and just start acting single again. Hang him with the two kids and see how many chicks want to have a sleep over. The boys need their father and this is the only way you will keep this man in their life.

Answer 11

I'm sad to hear that you're marriage is obviously over, however it is up to you and your husband to make sure that your sons feel as little pain as possible during this difficult time. You must both put all other feelings aside and make sure they understand that you both still love them, never argue in front of them, or even discuss the situation when they are in earshot, children can pick up on so much. Try, above all to remain friends with your husband, even if that means involving his new woman. I wish you all good fortune.