My ex and I recently divorced. I have accepted the fact that he is soon moving in with the woman he had an affair with - it hurts but that pain is lessening every day.
However, he plans to introduce our son to her in the next couple of weeks. I know there is nothing I can do about it but it hurts like he**. Why is that? This is so tough!
2006-10-23 16:48:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Wow, first let me say that I'm sorry for your situation. I've been through it myself as a child, and so I can answer this in two ways.
1) It hurts because you loved your ex husband once and it pains you to see him with someone else. While it may seem to be the opposite, it's simply a little bit of jealousy. Maybe not so much of her, but of the fact that he chose her. It's a difficult situation, but you will come to accept it and once you can do that, things become much easier.
2) when it comes to your son, it hurts your family two ways, at first. For starters, you're probably feeling threatened that this new woman is trying to move in on your territory and steal your family. Not so. Your son knows that you are his mommy, and nothing will change that. As such, he will never love her the way he loves you. Very simple in that regard. I know because I have a step-father. I wasn't very open to him at first, but now i tolerate him, but I love my father many times more.
Your son will also be feeling a little uncomfortable, probably feeling that she stole his father away. Do your best to make sure that your son knows that both of his parents still love him, that it's not his fault, and that you two will simply be happier living apart. If you don't make a big deal out of it, it wont be one.
Good luck with everything, and i hope it all works out.
2006-10-23 16:54:23 · answer #1 · answered by begeeman13 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It is very difficult because the thought of your ex bringing another woman into son's life, especially the one he left you for suks!!!! It's painful, but you have to accept it. The most important thing is your son's well being. He has to know that just because you are your ex are not together doesn't mean you don't love him any less. What you should be celebrating is that your ex is probably going to do the same thing to the new woman in his life and you will always be your son's mother and no one can ever take that away from you. Move on and let a great guy find you and give him the chance to be with a smarter,stronger, and more attractive woman then you've ever been. Live for today, and celebrate the greatness of tomorrow because you can make it whatever you want...............
2006-10-23 16:55:34 · answer #2 · answered by danny_austin4 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sure it hurts real bad, and now that the pain is easing, a lot more is being piled on top of everything til it can seem like the trees are lost in the forrest.
We cant help you until you are ready to change the way you look at yourself in the picture.
After your ex has strutted his male power over you and bought you to your knees in despair and pain, he will believe himself to be a mighty figure of manhood supreme, and while you continue to show even the slightest weakness in sorrow or grief, you feed into him an arrogent message that your son will inherit.
Should you however, decide that you will take full control of your self esteem,you might see that many many doors of opportunity are now open to you than he.
Your son also has a new door open to become learned in the world of diversity.
There is no competition here unless you choose.
You are the woman who suckled a child who is a boy and who will become a man someday.
Trust that the process will bring you to a place of inner peace..Dont fight against it.......be a friend to it.....
You WILL come through this season a better wiser woman.
2006-10-23 17:56:15 · answer #3 · answered by tillermantony 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's hard enough to deal with the cheating, let alone having to share your child with the other woman I genuinly feel your pain. What a sad fool your ex is. You just have to find some common ground and allow yourself to cry, accept, heal and move on for yourself and your son sake. surround yourself with people who loves and support you and go out and do some of the things that you've always wanted to do. You can schedule them in when your son goes to see his father that way your energy is not focus entirely on the situation. It will get better each day.
2006-10-23 16:58:30 · answer #4 · answered by agata 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Breakups are always tuff. especially with children envolved, because you cant have a clean break... The only thing to do is to try and be civil with him for your son's sake. Dont use your son as a pawn between you and your ex. Try taking up boxing or something which will allow you to vent some of your frustrations. I wish you the best of luck. I went through the same thing 2 yrs ago and its still difficult to this day.. We do the best we can.
Cheers.
Brian
2006-10-23 16:54:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he is YOUR child. You have shared your husband with her and you don't want to share your child. It's totally understandable. It of course will never happen but it still can feel like you are losing a part of you. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this, I'm sure it is hard. Unfortunately being a part of his dad's life means being a part of "her" life. Karma is a wonderful thing...you can't be the other woman, be part of the destruction of a relationship and then get to live happily ever after.
Best Wishes for you and your son!!!
2006-10-23 16:50:43 · answer #6 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It hurts because by introducing this woman to your son, he is making that statement that the "other woman" is going to be a permanent part of his life. I am so sorry, and i know that in time you will get over your hurt and betrayl. He sounds like a jerk, you deserve your own happiness.
2006-10-23 16:54:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe, perhaps you fear that your son may grow to like her more than you, his mother. And maybe you feel a hurt from the affair, maybe you feel you arent good enough for him(your husband) This is coming from a sixteen year old, Im dumb.
Aww, sorry about your misfortunes, I hope you feel a lot better.
2006-10-23 16:53:40 · answer #8 · answered by xXUnder the RoseXx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because this is the woman who broke up your marriage, and it is natural to have hard feeling's, this woman caused your heartache, and she is the last person you would want your son to be around. other than moving out of state there really is nothing you can do about it but try and avoid conflict with her. the hard feeling's will never go away, but for the sake of your son try and avoid any confrontations with her.
2006-10-23 16:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry about your divorce. The reason it hurts so much is you probably dont want her to replace you as a mother, you should explain to your son what is happening and that you both still love him.
2006-10-23 16:53:10 · answer #10 · answered by Megan G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋