wife says she want a divorce?

Question

My wife last feb. started to let me know that she needed the space thing. I was asked to move out for a few months. then she needed more space. We tried counsoling for a short time and i could never get a commitment from her as far as what im supposed to do. I kept pressing her and she finally told me she wanted a divorce. When I ask to reconfirm this she will say"right now yes I want a divorce" Can someone on here give me some idea of what I need to do next. No papers have been filed as of this time. Im still in love with her, but in the past negleted to show it the wa i should have,I have never cheated on her in 14 years, nor has there been any abuse. She no longer wants to try counsiling, So my question is Am i too late to let her have this space [definition of space is undefined] or should i go ahead and file the papers [this would be my final option] Any married women who have been here your perspective would be appreciated

Answer 1

Good evening everyone. I AM the wife of 14 years who has requested the space. My husband is a great guy, who as he says ( and I will confirm)has never cheated on me, never drank excessively, is a great provider, doesn't do drugs, never beat me and comes home when not working. A little that he left out though is that I married him right out of highschool. One week out of highschool we moved in together. (me being considerably younger than he). I was 18, very shy, never dated, extremely insecure and very needy/clingy. He was an over the road truck driver who wasn't home every night, and that took a lot of getting use to. We have 3 beautiful daughters, none of which he chose to have, and therefore 100% of the child rearing was left up to me. 14 years down the road, I'm not the girl he married. I'm very independent (as I've had to adapt to over the years) I have a full time job in addition to raising 3 children... while he's working. Along with the indepence I've grown accustom to, I've also dealt with a lot of other issues that weren't mentioned. Such as his lack of telling me that he loved me, or the wrapping his arms around me when I needed him to, or the holding my hand in public because it was "too uncomfortable to walk and hold my hand" the thinking that because I was pregnant I was repulsive and refusing to make love to me, (for months at a time). I wasn't valued as a wife or as a partner. There is no one else. There never has been. He was the first guy I ever dated, the first guy I ever kissed and the first guy I ever made love to. It was a fairy tail to me... little girl in love with the older brothers best friend...and one day he finally noticed me. But unfotunately sometimes fairy tales don't have happy endings. All the things that I have needed from him over the many many years he wasn't able to provide to me. He's got this amazing solid wall built up around his emotions that despite my numerous years of trying to break through, I just simply cant seem to do it. I've tried...made an honest effort for years, and for the past several years have really struggled with the fact that I've tried over and over to give him whatever it was that he needed to be happy and I never succeeded. I've been in counseling for the past 4 years off and on trying to figure out what it was that I was doing wrong. why it was that he couldn't fully love me the way I needed to be loved... and validated. It finally came to a head and a breaking point. Not that someone else was involved, but because he wasn't. I will always love him. He's the father of my beautiful children, but I'm not in love with him... and despite the efforts to get back to that point, I haven't managed to find my way back, therefore I chose to move on rather than wallow in the pain and hurt that we have been causing each other for the past year. This was not an easy decision on my part. it wasn't as though I just suddenly sprung it on him that I wanted out of my marriage. He also failed to mention that since this divorce decision we have gotten along so much better that the stress and pressure and resentment and frustration is no longer there. I'm sad that everyone automatically assumes that the other spouse is having an affair simply because they want out. My husband has some issues with being angry at the world and unfortunately we tend to take those frustrations out on those closest to us. NOT physically, but mentally and emotionally. Had there of been someone else this would have been a whole lot easier decision. I'm a 32 year old woman with 3 young children... the odds are totally against me here. However this is something I strongly believe in, and feel in my heart is the right decision for me at this time. I'm also a little sad that he walked out on me in counseling last week. Oh, wait, he didn't mention that either... did he? I'm not bitter, I'm not angry, I'm just done. Claimjumper, you know that I will always love you. You know that I will always be here for you... and you also know that airing ourmarriage on a chat board and then texting me to check it out probably wasn't one of your smartest moves. I know you love me, I know you care... but you can't keep feeding the fire with all the insecurities. I've told you... you want to know, ask me... but as you've always said, if you don't want to know the truth don't ask. So, again, I'm telling you... if you want to ask me... not everyone else what they think (as there is only the two of us in this marriage, who truly know what goes on behind closed doors) ask me... I'll tell you.

Answer 2

If your wife has not filed divorce papers, I'd say there might be a chance still. Unless she cannot afford to pay for the divorce? You didn't say. However, WHY would you consider filing for a divorce if you are still in love with her? Your wife needs to "OWN" her own actions, let her. If you still love this lady-SHOW HER for goodness sake. How do you know she's not wanting to shake you up, and looking for some "action" from you? Meaning, wake up- and show her how much you do care. Women are unique kind of creatures, we do, and think a whole lot different then men. You didn't mention why your wife wanted to stop the counseling? Wasn't their enough verbal conversation? On your part? I am not picking on you, I just know women, they truly want their man to communicate as much as possible-until everything is out in the open. I hope you have picked up on a couple idea's, wishing you both a great future.

Answer 3

If you are being honest with yourself, and you really can't think why she would want this (i.e. you're a drug addict, you hit her few times, or belittle her whenever you had a hard day at work to make yourself feel better, etc) then I would first hire a private detective, because the only other thing I can think of, is that she found someone who gives her those feelings only a new relationship can reproduce.
If that's the case, she is addicted to that new boyfriend feeling and has no capacity to deal with a long term relationship. She she will continue to do this until no-one will have her. At this point you can only cut your losses and run. Don't worry, there's lots of fish in the sea.
Good Luck

Answer 4

maybe you did not cheat on her, but she is cheating on you. I don't think she is suddenly tired of you and wants a divorce because its been 14 yrs that you guys are together. If she really has had enough of you, that should have happened a lot sooner like in the 2 or 3rd yr of marriage. my best guess is that she is seeing some one else, but you should ask her what you did wrong, maybe you still have a chance. But if she is cheating on you then chances are that you guys will get divorced because she doesn't love you anymore and has someone else in mind

Answer 5

You need to talk with a lawyer & stop thinking in terms of "stuff". Think CASH. There is no use arguing (tallying up lawyers fees for "stuff"). The way it works here in Canada.. everything that you had going into the marriage comes out. Personal gifts from others are exempt. The house is a special asset. Because you were married, "stuff" that was baught during your marriage is divided 50:50 no matter who paid for it. Either sell the house & divvy up the profit OR SHE owes you 1/2 the equity in the thing if she is keeping it. It is easiest to simply cash-out the building. Talk with a lawyer. You get your clothes, your guitar & HALF OF THE MARITAL ASSETS.

Answer 6

'Space'...yea, right. This is a very common women's version of a mid life crisis. Her version of space means 'romance', sex, dancing, partying, etc....only not with you. You see, women never think dating or the wedding should ever end. I only hope you have no children because her mind is made up and there is no going back. She only went to counseling because she felt guilty.
Go hire the best lawyer you can afford tomorrow...before she does.

Answer 7

She is with someone else FOR SURE! With time you'll find out who it is. It could be someone you even know. It could be going on for a while Why is she being so undecided?!
Do yourself a favor - move on!
I knew of the same situation.
It is very, very hard since you love her. But with time it gets better.
Get a divorce i would say.
Good luck.

Answer 8

Dude, I hate to tell you this, but I think you have been replaced with a sportier model.

These are a lot of the signs of an affair, she has given up on the marriage, and there isn't much you can do.

Answer 9

You go girl, I am going threw the same thing and could use some advice. Email me if possible.

Answer 10

let her go she will just make you crazy in the end. its obvious that someone else has caught her eye and she wants to be free from you to try it. so let her go before you come home and find someone else in your bed besides her...