A woman who has never been with men? How about a woman who tried to repress her feelings, ended up married with 3 kids, divorced after 25 years and then comes completely out of the closet, 2 years later finds the woman of her dreams and now lives happily ever after with her?
I don't understand all of this labeling. I have been with men in the past, I hated it, but I did it because I didn't want to be outcasted. I finally got tired, I'm out of the closet now and would never think to be with a man again, but yet I'm still classified as bi. Most of the time I don't care, I know what I am. Any thoughts on this?
2006-10-23 15:01:10 · 27 answers · asked by Agent Double EL 5 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Oh, btw, the woman in the scenario is not me, sorry for the confusion!
2006-10-23 15:54:30 · update #1
Hun, be free.... be who ever you want to be...do what ever you want to do, just as long as its not hurting anyone...
you dont need a lable to identify yourself...why put any credance into any lable someone else gives you.
As humans we tend to want to shove everyone and everything in a well appointed box, so we can understand them and it better....
(Real Lesbians??for some reason Im not gonna ask if they are making Lesbians out of polyester....)
2006-10-23 15:29:09 · answer #1 · answered by bopddbop 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your not bi and neither am I. I was with alot of men growing up but it's the way we felt when we were with them. I felt shy and intimidated by them. I married a man and after 17 years of marriage I met my soul mate whom I've been with for 14 years, the chemistry is unbelievable. I felt like I'd known her forever and I know we've been together in past lifes. When I met her, I would eat, think and breath her. We talked all night...I have never felt more whole and complete as I do now...I never got off with a man and I had been with almost 30 (hmmmmm something's wrong with that). People can say what they say but I'm a lesbian and will never be with another man again...I find some to be attractive but the sexual part just isn't and never has been there....
2006-10-23 22:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by Lipstick 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Oh my gosh, girl!!! I so know how you feel!!! I was married for almost 10 yrs with 2 kids and am now divorced myself. I had been with one woman back in my younger years but denied, denied, denied! Now over a decade later I too have met my soul mate and am so in love and so happy it's beyond words! I don't give a flying fart about lables and classifications. All I know is I'm in love, I'm happy, and my partner is a woman and I can not fathom the thought of EVER being with a man again or in another relationship for that matter. Made me happy to read your post!
2006-10-24 10:29:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the past i have been with men,i was never really what you would call happy- i was just raised that- that was the thing to do.I never thought about being with a woman til i got older,i really don't know what happened to me along the way.But i met this woman 4 years ago i feel inlove so hard thought it was my soul mate,we are still together,but she's planning on moving to another state because her kids don't like the fact that she's with me,and the fact she left their dad for me.They have gave us alot of trouble since day one-but we were so inlove that i have endured alot from them because i am inlove with their mom,but everything has took a tol on our relationship,so we are gonna' go our separate ways.I hate it cause' i really love her,but i love her enough to let her go and be happy.
2006-10-23 23:04:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Back then a lot of lesbians got married, had kids, ect cause that's what society expected them to do. Also back then there weren't as many ways to meet other women. From what you discribed, you are NOT bi, you are lesbian! Who is classifying you? Just tell them straight out you are 100% lesbian. I'm glad you found the woman of your dreams. Not many are that luckey.
2006-10-23 22:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by pinkrosegreeneyes bluerose 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It depends on your sexual attraction. If you have no sexual attraction (which is not the same thing as having sex with a man), to men, and only to women, then you are a Lesbian, no matter if you have sex with them, or what you past history is. If you have sexual responses to both genders, then you are bi.
Really, does it matter in the course of your life? Live how you want and be happy, shouldn't you have some happiness in your life? I think so.
2006-10-23 22:32:51 · answer #6 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A "real" lesbian is a woman whose sexual attraction is exclusively to other women. That's it, folks. Doesn't matter who you slept with in your past, or even if you liked it. Doesn't matter if some time later you throw in the towel, so to speak, and start screwing guys and adoring the experience. Other people might classify your whole life as 'bisexual' from that sort of lifestyle, but to me, you'll never be bisexual unless you simultaneously feel sexual attraction towards men AND women. That's my definition, at least (I believe that sexuality can change, meaning that enjoying sleeping with men and women at separate periods of life but not having bisexual impulses means you can still classify that period/your life as lesbian).
Being a lesbian does not mean you are a liberal, progressive, conservative, Democrat, Republican, libertarian, femininst, misogynist, upper class, lower class, monogamous, polygamist, etc.. You get the picture. All that being a "real" lesbian is being exclusively attracted to other women. Coincidentally, it's very interesting to note that out-and-out lesbian S/M author Pat Califia has claimed that lesbians should be allowed to fetishize men (gay men) and fantasize about them without losing their lesbian status or gaining a bisexual one. Intriguing to consider.
2006-10-23 22:44:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know who is telling you you're not lesbian. If you have no desire or attraction for men, you are lesbian. If you still have some attraction to men -beyond being social- then you'd be leaning to bi.
The truth is the labels are for others to be able to wrap their brains around a concept. It has no effect on who you are and only serves as a means to discuss things. The only 'label' you need is the one you choose to wear if you need to when describing yourself to others. Otherwise the label is useless and anyone who tries to shame you or bully you with any label is only placing a label upon themselves. It reads "don't be my friend 'cause I won't respect you." They are not worth the effort. Live, Love and truly be grateful for the lovely lady you get to share your life with. BTW, where does one find nice girls???
2006-10-23 22:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by Militia-Angel 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A real lesbian can be from birth or had a chnge of plans after marriage or relationships with man. Once you decide to only be with women you are a real lesbian no matter what anyone says. Depending on who you are having sex with defines you.
2006-10-24 01:27:32 · answer #9 · answered by mamacitac9 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't give a hoot what people think one way or the other. I think you have a great attitude-- (last sentence). VERY INTERESTING that the only partnerships I have ever seen, that lasted for decades were same sex partnerships. Says something. I just want you to be happy with who you are, & remember that people who "label" aren't worth giving a rat's tochis about.
2006-10-23 22:18:41 · answer #10 · answered by Valac Gypsy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋