I have been seperated from my husband for 3 months. Really.. alot longer than that if you count all the time I spent alone before I finally made him leave. He never came home. I met someone during the last 3 months of our marriage that I just kept running into every where I went. I thought about this peson ALOT but I would never cheat and thought to myself when I get divorce I hope I see this person again. The week my husband left I did... now its been three months and I really feel he is my soul mate... I knew the first time I looked at him.. is this crazy???? I was married for 10 years and am a very stong person... friends and family tell me its a rebound... I swore I would never remarry or want a man around for a while... this guy is different... please help.. I am so confused.
2006-10-23 15:00:06 · 18 answers · asked by Rootay 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
take time to know him
2006-10-23 15:04:27 · answer #1 · answered by 16 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is different. Yes, most people will say this is a rebound and too early. I don't think it's too early - it's just that you have to get alot of the hard questions out of the way NOW. Don't wait. Do you see things the same way (religion, disciplining children, how to save money, how to live, feelings toward in-laws, what you each think is fair for housework, etc)? Find out NOW if you can have a conversation. Ask about his views on his parents relationship (if he thinks it's positive, look how his dad treats his mom...that'll be you in years to come). I'd live together if possible, for a set time. Work through the weird stuff (like how he squeezes the toothpaste or who snores) and either set a date to marry or a date to move apart. Step back if it's too confusing. It's even more crazy if kids are involved. Good luck.
2006-10-23 22:08:24 · answer #2 · answered by SillyChick151 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please listen.... In July 2002 I was separated (felt like it had been over for a year!). Right away I fell in love with my soul mate. I mean, like the next month. I wanted to marry him right away. We couldn't, though, because of where we were both located. We could only see each other like once or twice a week. It was passionate. It was real. We were both in our 30's and understood 'love' so much better now, especially with all we both went through.
But we couldn't get married until the distance thing could be resolved. Each year we thought this would be the year - but it didn't work out. Long story. The point I'm getting to, though, is that four years have passed and while I do love him and have a connection with him I have never experienced with any other, I see now that it was best that I did not marry him after all. The four years gave me more to consider.
You are an emotional whirlwind right now and true love is more than true love, it is your cure to this ailment called divorce. I remember crying and telling him that I just needed to be his - and marriage would make that so. I needed to officially belong to him. Well, since I haven't been able to marry him and am still single and have had the opportunity to grow and discover myself more and all that, I no longer feel that urgency to belong to somebody. Oh, I want to yes. But I have learned to accept that I am just 'me'. This is an okay thing.
Please - if it is true love and he is your soul mate, time will only enrich it. I discourage you from marrying him for a few years - just for the sake of clearing out the old stuff. Your marriage may indeed be over but trust me - there is a lot of unseen stuff that needs time to work itself out of you. You will be doing your new man a disservice by marrying him quickly.
Take the time to be made whole as just 'you'.
2006-10-23 22:18:19 · answer #3 · answered by Red Birds 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. It is too early.
If you were having problems with your husband when you were seeing this person---this could be an issue of the grass being greener.
I won't say isn't your soul mate.....but if he is...then what is the harm in waiting taking a little more time to talk to one another. Often times when we are going through difficult times, we cling to other people. At those times we tend only to see all the good things about these people.
Take your time and live with this new guy before you get married. B/c that is the only way you are going to see all his habits and know in your gut if its right.
2006-10-23 22:05:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get mad ladies...I've been told that women are like monkies swinging in the trees, They don't let go of one branch until they grab another. Being alone is scary but no reason to rush into anything. Why cheat yourself of all that good courtship time? Date the new guy for awhile, find out what he's about. 3 months is not really that long unless your in jail.lol
Also becareful because there are people that like dating married people because they get all the perks(sex) and none of the responsibility of marriage.
2006-10-23 22:15:07 · answer #5 · answered by badnando70 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself some time after the divorce. Sometimes a guy messes around with a married woman because she is safe. Even if you think that he is your soul mate, give yourself time to make sure your head is in the right place before making a commitment again.
2006-10-23 22:09:20 · answer #6 · answered by kny390 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its understandable to be confused. And since you felt this way about this person before you were even divorced I would say wanting to be with them is fine...but wait a while...a LONG while before you think about getting married. Especially when you're just going through a divorce. Date for a while, date others than this one person you think is your soulmate, find yourself and make sure that you can stand on your own 2 feet when it comes down to it.because nothing lasts forever...divorce and death are the only ways a marriage ends...so make sure its what you reall want before you dive head first into it, you could think the water is deep, but its just a shallow thing and it could break your neck (figuratively speaking of course)
2006-10-23 22:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Bumble Bee Nurse 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that's crazy necessarily. I'm happy for you that you found someone that makes you happy... although the initial stages of a relationship sometimes tend to be the best (and most clouded!) but who knows... he could be your soul mate. Who am I to judge? Just don't go rushing into anything too quickly. If the two of you are meant to be then you will still be meant to be in a couple years and you can go from there. No need to make it a race to the altar, ya know?
2006-10-23 22:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's best to wait a while before committing to another relationship, because you need to deal with the emotional baggage from your previous marriage. I also got involved with someone while I was divorcing my first husband, and it got very painful for both of us.
Wait at least until your divorce is final before doing anything.
2006-10-23 22:03:17 · answer #9 · answered by Blue Jean 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced for going on 2 years, I only recently decided that I was stable enough to get engaged again. I was also married for 10 years and I have 4 children, in my opinion honey you should definately wait.
2006-10-23 22:16:16 · answer #10 · answered by lacedinsomniac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely a rebound situation, you need to hit the brakes and slow down before your in a head on collision.
From what little you indicated in your question I have to assume a few things.
First of all I think you are starved for love and attention and have been for some time.
Secondly, you need to listend to your family and friends, they know you better than you know yourself right now.
Lastly, I will assume you are in your late twenties, you are still young, you still have a lot of time and life in front of you.
2006-10-23 22:08:55 · answer #11 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋