My husband and I are the opposite of the typical male/female sex stereotype. I want it all the time, and he doesn't. I would like to have it daily while he is good to have it a couple times a week. I am not even so sure if he wouldn't go even longer than that without. We have had three week dry spells before.
Someone told me that daily sex is unrealistic, and to quit being so selfish. I cannot help my high sex drive. I wish I could, because it causes A LOT of frustration for me. I do own a vibrator, but it just isn't the same. It helps to relieve some of the tension, but I need the human contact. A vibrator isn't warm, can't hold me, tell me it loves me, etc.
To add to the frustration factors in the household prevent us from having sex as often as I'd like as well. we have a teenage daughter who stays up late most night. We have a 6 month old infant. A couple times a week my mother stays with us when her husband is working nights because she watches our baby. The worst one is
2006-10-23 14:59:55 · 8 answers · asked by Lisa T 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that my husband is tired ALL the time. He literally falls asleep as soon as his head hitsthe pillow. If I am lucky enough to get into bed before he crashes, well then the quality of the sex suffers because he is so tired.
2006-10-23 15:00:56 · update #1
I would like to take advantage of alone time more often, but it seems when we do get alone time it is spent in front of the computers. He doesn't usually make an effort to initiate sex. It is usually left up to me to initiate it. He says that if I want it then i need to work to turn him on so that he is in the mood.
2006-10-23 15:03:50 · update #2
He is a parts manager who does a lot of his work in front of the computer selling parts, and doing inventory, etc. Then there is the occasional time when he is needed to do physical work on the units they service. I am beginning to wonder if there isn't something medical to all this. Maybe too low testosterone? Or some kind of medical disorder that causes him to be so tired all the time?
2006-10-23 15:16:02 · update #3
By the way I am 31 and he is 28.
2006-10-23 15:16:36 · update #4
It isn't about my confusing sex with love. I learned that hard lesson a few times over during my teenage years, and have long worked past that. I love my husband with all my being. An affair has never even been a thought in my mind. I value our relationship, and him, too much for that.
2006-10-23 15:36:22 · update #5
Very seldom is he well rested and revitalized. He is tired when we go to bed, falling asleep within minutes. He is tired when he wakes up. That is what makes me wonder if it could all be medical.
2006-10-23 15:52:28 · update #6
70sChild...same here. Sometimes I rub up against him on the rare occasions he actually is holding me spooning in bed. Nothing. Not even a hard on. With my ex he couldn't even lay like that because he was instantly turned on in that position. As far as I know he usually doesn't even wake up at attention.
According to my husband I am beautiful, very attractive. If that is indeed the case then I just don't understand why it is so hard for him to be turned on. Very seldon is he turned on unless I really work at making him that way.
When we do have sex it is generally awesome. The quality does suffer sometimes when he is tired (which is most of the time), but it is still great.
As a matter of fact that is why I want him even more. He makes me feels so darn good! I wasn't this bad in my other relationships. I could go for days without it and not suffer emotionally. But with my husband I just want him all the time!
2006-10-24 08:49:25 · update #7
What kind of work does he do? If he's a laborer he really might be tired. I used to work in a warehouse, used todo a lot of heavy lifting. I had the same problem, id get home, shower, eat and fall asleep sitting on the couch. The solution we had to this problem was we had sex early in the morning before I went to work, when i was well rested and revitalized. If he aint laboring then he's just being selfish. Try initaiting sex early in the morning.
2006-10-23 15:13:09 · answer #1 · answered by klrb 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hm.. well, first off, tired literally does mean tired. I have a hubby with a lower drive than mine, but he is worth waiting for. In the mean time, toys do the trick.
The biggest thing that I have learned is that love is not sex. When my self-esteem was tied to a man or men desiring me, and my self-worth suffered from a delusion that I am not loved if I am not "desired" every minute of everyday, I had to have "it" all of the time or I felt bad about myself.
I have learned that I have value as a person, that I am more than a "sex kitten." Getting involved in activities outside the home, has made me more interesting to my mate, thus more desirable, and made me less focused on his drive vs mine.
Are there times when I still wish for everyday? Sometimes, but that is just when we are not spending time together. II need to look at the real need behind the drive, it is usually at a time that I am missing him and time alone with him.
A supper out, at a little family diner, or some other place, depending on available funds, is sometimes all I need to recharge my "lonely" batteries.
I would suggest using that "toy" til you break it, and then getting a new one, for as long as it takes. A good mate is so much more than a bed partner.
My husband is my best friend, my confidant, part of my support system, not just my lover.
I have found that helping others is the best way to get out of myself, and my "urges" run-wild. I have also found that as I have explored my own dreams and interests, and as my self-worth has grown, my need for physical reinforcement has lessened.
Hopefully this is helpful. Good luck!
2006-10-23 15:21:05 · answer #2 · answered by Tina P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
We haven't overcome it. We are in a similar situation. I want it all the time now because I hardly EVER get it! I really don't understand -- when we do have sex it is SOOOO good - to both of us. So, why doesn't he want it more? I can rub my naked *** up against him in bed and ... nothing. I can wrap my naked thighs around his leg and .... nothing. You are being very fair by wondering if it could be medical. I have gone directly to taking it personally, and I don't even initate anymore because of my feelings of rejection and hurt. For all you prick guys out there -- no, I have not gotten fat and ugly. I am the same as when we first met. HE has changed, not me. What I can tell you is this -- do something about it right away. Your frustration will lead to resentment and anger, and it will all go downhill fast from there. I have felt very isolated with this problem, because it seems like all of the lack of sex problems out there are men who want more sex from their woman. I am not happy you are having this problem, but it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one. I don't know how to deal with this at all. I have always been very desired by my partners, and they loved it when I initiated sex. Face this head on -- NOW!
2006-10-24 02:29:02 · answer #3 · answered by 70sChild 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm the opposite - I never ever want sex. It has nothing to do with my husband, I find him attractive and I feel bad that I don't enjoy sex - but I just don't like intercourse. I'll do everything else but that. Fortunately, I've got a great guy and he is patient with me and doesn't complain - but I know if I wanted sex everyday, he'd be more then happy to accommodate me. Consider your husband's feelings and compromise. Schedule time twice a week for sex and take care of things yourself after that - don't expect him to just cater to your every waking sex needs. I think it's very immature on your part that you can't control yourself more.
2006-10-23 15:22:48 · answer #4 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
baby god may be with u i would like to have a woman in my bed like u and i dont think that ur selfish cuz of ur high sex drive cuz u want to fullfill ur lust and passion i feel the same way my wife cant keep up with me i feel frustrated with high tension
2006-10-23 15:25:31 · answer #5 · answered by redscorpionhot 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try the old way, Have an affair, or tell your husband if he wont give you some pleasure,thier are plenty of men out there who will!
2006-10-23 15:11:51 · answer #6 · answered by devilinme 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I had an affair since my wife couldn't keep up with me.
2006-10-23 15:23:43 · answer #7 · answered by S K 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
SICK!!SICK!!!SICKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2006-10-23 15:01:37 · answer #8 · answered by staryeyes96 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋