In anger and when my husband gets upset he has acted out throwing things, hitting things across the room, yells, when i want to talk about something he has said I don't ******* care, when he gets frustrated in any disagreement we are having he has told me to shut up. Because of this i always ask him if he loves and tell him he hsould find someone else, but he tells me he loves me. He thinks I am insecure and hates this about me, and he says this is my biggest problem. Before i met him i was not insecure, is my husband creating what he hates? It feels like a cycle of some kind, he wants me to beleive his love and trust him, but he behaves in disrespeftful ways when upset or angry to me. I think my insecurties are pushing him away, what can I do? Please help us.
2006-10-23 14:44:57 · 10 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry i forgot, I am always thinking that he likes someone else, because of how he treats me, so I am constanly asking him these questions which he says "I'm insecure."
2006-10-23 14:46:23 · update #1
I think you both do have emotional problem. Sit down quietly and talk. If that doesn't work then get out of this relation.
2006-10-23 14:49:01 · answer #1 · answered by dotab 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, there are probably so many more details that need revealed before the best answer can be given, but the bottom line is you definitely are insecure to some degree in order to be allowing somebody to treat you as he does. Questioning that he loves you and also asking if he likes others also shows your insecurities. I would definitely start out by seeking personal counseling as to your insecurity. You need to discover how valuable you are. Until you do, you will allow him to treat you that way and you will always feel he or anyone else doesn't wholly love you. You must fix this inside of you. Also, I'd encourage you to stop accusing him of these things no matter how strongly you feel it - even if it is true! If it is true, the facts will speak for themselves, you won't have to pry or nag it out of him. When you are feeling those horrible feelings that you aren't the world to him, that maybe he is thinking of somebody else or whatever the case, take a time out and pray. Cry to the Lord if you must. Ask God to help you know you are loved.
2006-10-23 14:53:20 · answer #2 · answered by Red Birds 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my does this sound familiar. It all kinda fell into place for me that is looking back. Not much time for me and conversation was at minimal. I would also ask if he was seeing someone else or whats wrong, can we talk etc. His reaction was similar to your husband just without any violence. His response yes I love you, no I'm not having an affair, trust me.. The day before he moved out he still was saying I love you. So you can imagine my shock when it all came to the surface. He was cheating and lying through his teeth and tried his hardest to avoid the whole thing. If your husband never acted this way before I would do a little surveillance cause he sounds suspect. Good luck because you're going to need it. There is nothing I could ever imagine that is more painful than this. I'm sorry, it just hurts.
2006-10-23 15:32:17 · answer #3 · answered by Gettcha 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think someone else can make you insecure. Your decision on who you are makes you insecure. i'm sure he is mean and says nasty things, b ut a lot of relationships are like that and you are probably a very devoted woman and your husband is a huge part of your life, so when he talks down to you it is easy to take it as the truth and believe you are not good enough for him. But it is just a decision. Choose to be happy about yourself.
here is another trick/ secert. When we get down about our self we do one of two things...we fight or flight. We either lash out and attach everyonce we can so that they are not happier than us when we are down.. It is our ego, our ego won't take responsibility for our life so we try and blame others and if we can't we try and make them miserable....or we flight, we get scared and try to hide from the situation and make ourself lower....i think you what you do and what your husband does. So when he lashes out at you, you have to realize that he is insecure and feeling down, he is in a bad place and needs your true love more than ever. Think of it like a beaten dog or a lost child. A beaten dog will bark at anyone that comes close to them, no matter how caring they are. A lost child will scream and scream even when you try and help they will scream at you and be terrible. Well adults do the same thing, but instead they say mean things to protect their ego. So the next time he is mean to you try and see the scared, lost child inside of him and it will be easier to show your love.
Unconditional love is the most powerful thing on the planet. It is always giving and never needing, even when he is being cruel.
2006-10-23 14:58:48 · answer #4 · answered by tightlies 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that the biggest problem is your insecurity which leads to the arguments. You need to realize that he loves you and is with you. If he has given you no reason to believe he is cheating, let it go. I bet if you were more secure in the relationship, the arguments would cease and overall things would be better.
2006-10-23 14:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, your husband is not creating your insecurities, you are broadcasting them yourself, loud and clear. You see, we teach people how to treat us - and you are leaving yourself wide open to be a doormat. I can't believe you were not like this before your marriage - that cannot be true. I think you would benefit from some personal counselling.
2006-10-24 00:33:33 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your insecurities are caused by the way he is treating you, in every relationship we as women need to feel safe emotionally, we need to know we are loved and treasured, he gets frustrated because he has no relationship skills, and can't solve problems of every day life.when we want to talk to our spouse, when we need to be reasured about anything,and we get attacked emotionally sure it's going to effect our feeling that all is well in our marriage and we do get insecure. please go to couples therapy to understand why this is happening,get some relationship skills. good luck
2006-10-23 15:18:54 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's the one who is insecure. He's bringing you down. Don't be so hard on yourself. Do something that makes you happy and start focusing on your needs and wants.
2006-10-23 17:01:41 · answer #8 · answered by Erin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Question, how long have you been in this marriage?..This is not a good way to live out life.... seek professional council if you feel it is worth saving!..
2006-10-23 15:01:55 · answer #9 · answered by Rosa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he needs anger management --- while not quite as bad i did have anger issues --- saying that you do need to trust him
there are other factors that he is worried about --- work finances something not cheating just stressed
2006-10-23 14:49:37 · answer #10 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋